Chapter 38: Skin Deep

Sneak peek.

==

“That was… interesting.”

“No, me breaking his neck would be called interesting. That, was a fucking disaster.”

Mao looked over to a clearly still fuming Jun, though his calm voice indicated just the opposite. They had just left a party one of his associates had invited them to. The invitation came in the middle of their dinner; disrupting what had been a very delicious conversation. Jun, with obvious reluctance, had accepted. She didn’t mind. It wouldn’t do to rile any feathers and building new connections is always good. Jun, on the other hand, just wanted to go home and finish their conversation. In bed. 

That had been the better choice all along.

“I don’t know… It had its moments,” she said, giving a shrug.

Jun stopped in his tracks and turned to her, arching an incredulous brow. She continued walking, looking up at the stars. Jun had suddenly stopped their car earlier, wanting to walk the rest of the way home, and told their guards to go on ahead. All of them. Which was a first. He really needed to walk something off. 

Maybe she did, too.

“Well, I haven’t been to one of those parties. It was a definite eye-opener.”

He was at her side again, looking at her speculatively. Silent. As if waiting for something. 

She gave it to him. “That wasn’t your first party, was it?”

It was more of an orgy than a party, to be real. Jun had no idea that one Ayano Gou was the one behind it all. If he had known, he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell them to shove off. And she wouldn’t have had a glimpse into that debauched world. Wouldn’t have had a glimpse into a world Jun clearly had some experience with. 

A world he wanted far away from her. And she was glad for it.

Asking the question wasn’t about her not being aware of that part of his past. She’d known right from the start about his prolific experience. It hadn’t been a problem before. It sure isn’t a problem when he is showing her the decadent pleasures of lovemaking. Of fucking. Of joining together heart and soul. Not knowing where he ended and she began. 

So why was it eating at her now?

Maybe because he wasn’t hers then. But now, right now, he was. Hers. Only hers. 

And having his past shoved into her face with those breasts and all…  She appreciated it being just an abstract idea.

She glanced at Jun. He was still staring at her with that speculative look in his eyes. Did he sense where this was all coming from? 

“Well?” She was annoyed at the insecurities that came barreling out. It wasn’t a surprise they were there. But she never really expected to confront them with Jun standing in front of her. 

“No, it wasn’t.” 

“Do you… I mean… Do you like… that sort of thing?” She was watching him carefully. 

“I don’t.”

“Ami seems to think you do,” she retorted, getting irritated at his short answers.  

They had been ushered to the second floor of the seemingly quiet house. But as soon as the doors opened they were greeted with the sight of various people indulged in very compromising acts. Jun had swore viciously under his breath, tightening his hold on her waist. She knew her mouth had dropped open, unable to tear her eyes away from the disturbing scene. She somehow regained her composure just in time when their apparent hosts stepped up to welcome them, almost gleefully. 

Ayano Gou and Kitagawa Ami. She felt the antagonism from Ami and it didn’t take a genius to get that she was one of Jun’s lovers before. With all her innuendos and little comments. Trying to entice Jun as if she wasn’t standing right there. Alluding to more of his past lovers being in the room. And if that wasn’t enough, Ayano seemed to be interested in her. A little too interested. His hot gaze had roamed all over her and she felt her skin crawling. 

“Fucking take your eyes off her,” Jun had said calmly, interrupting Ami’s incessant blather. But she could feel his tightly coiled fury and it wouldn’t take much before he exploded. 

Ayano’s smirk deepened, purposely continuing to stare at her. “You used to share, Jun.”

Mao lifted her chin, eyes flashing furiously at him. This seemed to excite him further. Jun had calmly reached out and grabbed his neck, squeezing hard.  Ami seemed unable to move in fear, obviously remembering in hindsight what Jun is capable of.  Ayano tried to cover his surprise and gave a lewd smile. He seemed to be signaling his guards to stand down. Enjoying testing Jun’s wrath.

“Take your eyes off her or I’ll cut off your balls and feed them to you,” he warned, silkily. “Now, get out of my sight and if you so much as breathe in her direction again…” 

He shoved him away, eyes glinting dangerously. Grabbing her hand, they left without another word. But she could still feel Ayano’s gaze on her back as they walked away.

She felt Jun’s fingers tipping her chin up, bringing her back to the present. 

“Don’t listen to them. They don’t matter.”

But she can’t seem to let it go. 

“Do you… I don’t know… miss it or something? Am I-“ She abruptly cut herself off, unable to finish the question. 

Am I enough for you?

Jun’s eyes narrowed. He stepped closer; their bodies almost touching. The heat started spreading to every part of her; reacting to the intense way he was looking at her. 

“What would you do if I said I missed it?”

That was not the answer she was expecting. Not the answer she wanted to hear. Her jaw tensed, her chin jutted out. Marking her ire. She pulled away. He didn’t let her escape easily, wrapping an arm around her and bringing her right up against him. 

“What would you do?” He repeated, gazing down at her.

She didn’t want to answer such a question. Trying her best to get away from him. He didn’t know how that question was slicing her up inside.

He cupped her cheek, not allowing her to move. He looked straight into her eyes. “That won’t ever happen, Mao. I won’t share you. Ever. You’re mine.” 

She couldn’t seem to breathe right now. He was almost devouring her with his eyes and she couldn’t help but exult in the feeling. 

“I’ll kill any man who dares to touch you,” he said softly, his breathing going fast. “You are mine.”

She took in a deep breath, taking him in. His scent, his heat, his desire. His love. Her right hand unconsciously slid up, her fingers brushing against his lips. His tongue flicked out to taste her. They continued to hold each other’s gazes. He seemed to want something from her. His gaze almost anticipating.

Somehow she knew just what it was.

Her hand continued its way up, curling her fingers into his hair. She grabbed a fistful, none too gently. Jun seemed to relish the feeling. She tilted her head up, pulling his down slowly.

“And you are mine,” she whispered fiercely close to his lips.

“God, yes,” was his last reply as she smashed her lips onto his and showed him just what it meant to be hers.

She licked into his mouth, earning a deep moan from him. Their tongues battled and lashed at each other. His hands grabbed her hips and pulled her into his, letting her feel just how much she affected him. He slowly rubbed himself against her. He cherished the whimpers she released into his mouth. He kissed her more deeply; never getting enough of her taste. If he didn’t stop, he’d have her right then and there. He tore his mouth from her; trying to catch his breath. He adored the glazed look in her eyes and pulled her forward. Having a sudden idea where they could continue this.

“We haven’t got our suits,” Mao said a while later, her voice echoing slightly in the indoor pool. Jun had let go of her hand and was starting to remove his tie.

“Who says we need them?” he turned to her, a devilish gleam in his eyes.

“No. We are not-“ She started to protest but stopped when Jun threw his shirt down onto one of the reclining chairs and started on his trousers. “Are you serious?”

“When it comes to getting you naked… and wet?” His lazy appraisal of her from head to toe sent a flutter to her veins. “Very serious.”

Before she knew it, he had finished stripping down and was padding towards the pool. He had always been confident in his nudity. Something she just couldn’t imagine herself being. Especially when they weren’t immersed fully in their passions. Water splashed and Jun surfaced, slicking back his hair. He rested his arms on the edge of the pool, cajoling her into joining him. 

“Come on, Mao.”

“I’m just not-“

His gaze fairly smoldered and she couldn’t resist the inviting rasp of his voice. 

“I need you…”

She swallowed hard, her body screaming for him. “Okay, but don’t look!”

Despite the fierce arousal coursing through his body, he couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. He looked at her, lovingly bemused. “Mao, it’s not like I haven’t seen it all.”

“Yes, I know but still, close your eyes! Or else I won’t be going in.” 

“Fine,” he said, letting out a put-upon sigh. “Hurry though. I want to be inside you.”

Her small clutch bag clattered on the floor. 

“Stop that!” 

Jun gave a small smirk, noting the way her voice quivered. He bit his lip, praying for her to hurry because he can’t wait any longer. God, how he ached for her.

“No looking!”

“I’m not!”

His heart thundered as he heard the rustling of her dress. His senses seemed to heighten along with his anticipation. He could almost taste her desire in the air. He heard her small feet hurrying along the floor and the next instant, the splash of water. He moved swiftly, pulling her into his arms as soon as she surfaced and captured her lips with his.

God, the feel of her. He urged her legs to wrap around his waist as he continued to kiss her hungrily. Wanting  to mark her as his. Needing to. Always. He bit and sucked her lips. Her fervent kisses matching his. Their bodies sliding sinuously against each other.

His hand went between them, moving downward. Her hips strained towards him as his fingers slid over her, so gently. She suddenly jerked when he rubbed her most sensitive part. He eased one of his fingers inside her. Finding her ready. So ready for him.

“I need you, Mao…”

“Yes… Yes…”

He gave a groan and thrust into her to the hilt. She gasped, her eyes fluttering shut as their lips met once more. The need to move inside her was great but he stayed still for the moment. He gave a tender kiss, while his blood pounded in his ears. 

“I can’t believe you’d ever doubt how I feel for you,” he whispered softly. “ Fuck, Mao, you’re all I ever want. Just one glance from you and I…”

He moved his hips slightly. She would have no doubt what he meant. She gave a small sigh and trailed kisses on his jaw.

“I know… I know… I wasn’t prepared for it being thrown in my face. I just... You’re mine, you know?” She said in such a small voice.

His whole body gave a shudder; he will never tire of hearing that.

“They’re going to regret provoking me like this. But then again,” he leaned back a little, his eyes twinkling. “I always love it when you get jealous and possessive. Maybe I’ll just shatter their kneecaps or something.”

He always had a thing about her asserting her dominance over him. Maybe it’s because she’s so used to him expressing how much she means to him, so used to him always pursuing her, that sometimes she forgets he needed to be needed too. There’s no denying her need and love for him. Though letting him know makes all the difference. She vowed to change that.

He then sobered. “I know I have a past. But what we are, what we have… it’s everything…”

Mao began to move her hips. She watched as Jun breathed in sharply. “Why did you do it?”

“My perpetual need for you,” he rasped, as he started to move with her. “There’s only so much my hands can do.”

The nip to his chin was a bit harder than usual. Still, it didn’t take away the pleasure it brought him. He gave a laugh.

“Hey, you asked.”

She soothed the spot with her tongue, her gaze locked to his. Jun’s eyes grew darker, his breath going harsh. Thrusting harder into her.

“It’s just the two of us, Mao. Just the two of us. Always.”

“Yes.” Her face alight with bliss and the sweetest smile. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He growled and moved towards the pool wall. Pushing her roughly against it. The sudden surge inside her caused her to moan out loud and lean forward to seek his lips. She needed to be taken by him completely. Needing his taste, his scent covering her. She met him thrust for thrust, rubbing against him with wild abandon. Their panting breaths, their moans growing louder and louder. The heated whispers of what he wanted to do to her inflaming her further. His hands that had been everywhere was suddenly cupping her bottom, opening her up even more for his increasing need.

“Mine,” he said roughly and crashed his lips to hers.

==

Chapter 35: Confessions

==

Jun shut the door behind them, locked it, then grabbed her to him, swooping down for an open mouthed kiss. Mao welcomed him. Her tongue wrestling with his. Jun gave a moan as he backed her onto the wall, savoring her as his tongue drove harder inside. Her hands were lost in his hair as his hips circled; his body hardening. His hand found their way under her skirt and made its way up the inside of her thighs. She gave a little gasp, grabbing a handful of his hair, when his fingers started toying with the band of her underwear. She arched her back to him as their kisses became more torrid; biting and sucking. Her hips bucking at his fingers brushing against her.

She moaned some more when his lips left hers and started their way down her neck. Trailing kisses with his open mouth; sucking on her collarbone when he reached it. She bit back a strangled protest when his teasing fingers left her. He claimed her lips once again when he'd pulled off her top and threw it down. Trapping her again against his hips; his arousal straining against him, he reached around her, his fingers going to unlatch her bra.

He needed to see all of her.

His ears pounded as his muscles leapt when her tongue slid down from his jaw to the hollow of his throat. He could feel her loosening the buttons on his shirt. His fingers losing some of their strength as he tried to concentrate; she was making it difficult when her hands had slipped inside his pants. He was trying.

Really trying.

Mao surfaced from her own passion, realizing that Jun was still having a hard time with her bra. A conscious giggle suddenly came from her followed by a snort. Jun who was going crazy with desire, the lust pounding in his blood, leaned back to look at her. How could she laugh at a time like this? But she looked too adorable, giggling and looking up at him as if challenging him not to think it isn't funny. Well, he was still working on her bra and he let out a frustrated sigh and gave a chuckle.

Stifling the giggles, she slid down the floor. But she couldn't help it anymore. The giggles became her sweet laughter and Jun shaking his head, couldn't help but join in. He plopped down beside her; she was holding her stomach as she continued in her giddiness. She titled sideways, leaning against Jun's shoulder, loving the sound of his laughter rumbling against his chest.

“You're still torturing me.”

Mao straightened up, trying to catch her breath.

“Since when?”

Jun's eyes narrowed at the innocent expression on her face. She took their game in the limo to a whole new level and she just forgets all about it once they arrived at the villa. He thought he was going to go insane with need and she seemed mighty calm about it, taking her time for the rest of the day. While he was in hell, just wanting to devour her.

“Don't play that game.”

“I'm not,” she said, unable to keep a straight face. “It's not my fault jie wanted to talk when we arrived earlier.”

“You could have said you were tired.”

“But I wasn't.”

“You would have been.”

Mao gave a laugh at that and bit her lip. Jun felt a stirring once more. It's like an invite to ravage those lips of hers. She then cupped his jaw and stroked his cheek.

“Come on. Jie and Ge are probably waiting for us already.”

“I'm still dying here.”

“We still have to have dinner.”

“I can have you.”

“Stop being cheesy. Besides, we can't go in looking like we were-” She gestured that he knows what she means.

“They won't know that.”

“You can have your way after dinner, okay?” She then conceded with a smile.

Jun considered her for a while. The smile lining her lips seemed to be full of hidden meanings. She's always being deliberate and he had the feeling she wasn't done yet in making him into this really hot, really bothered mess. He doesn't mind it most of the time. The game would always end them tangled in wild, mind-blowing ecstasy. It may be what she had in mind right now but he can't wait any longer.

“I don't think so.”

Mao laughed as he pounced and pinned her to the floor, straddling her. Realizing her plan isn't going to work. His intense gaze slowly went down to her lacy bra and Mao felt the heat pooling between her legs once more. She could feel his hand making its way up her back as he lowered his lips, his hot breath on her neck.

“Two out of three?” He murmured huskily; teasingly, then claimed her lips to silence her giggles.

==

Jun stepped into the foyer with Mao beside him. She was subtly rubbing the sleep from her eyes; thanks to the long drive they took going here. It hasn't been two days since he got out of the hospital when his ge had called him up again and had set a date for their visit to their villa. He and jie wondered though if he was up for it; they knew he needed rest. But it was an excuse to get out of the city for a while. He would never miss that.

It was just an overnight stay though, even though Aiba was holding the fort tremendously, he still needs to show himself from time to time. Rumors are bound to crop up given the ambush that no one saw coming could be twisted into a sign of weakness. But taking the time off was cathartic, making it harder to go back. Even think of going back.

He looked to Mao.

But what can he do? He wants what he wants... Consequences be damned...

Mao gave a little yawn, covering it with her hand. Their ride over here was certainly uneventful. Thankful as he was that they've reached a certain level of civility, it was still unsettling in some ways. Mao had slept the whole way through. He'd wondered at first, if she was just using that excuse to avoid any awkwardness between them. But as he looked at her, he doubts it. With the recent events looming over their minds, she probably hasn't slept well in days...

They hadn't been in the car thirty minutes and she had her eyes closed. She was leaning against the door of the limo and he'd been fighting the urge to pull her to him so she can be comfortable. In the end, he couldn't help it and she ended up nestled against him. His hand had found its way to her arm and he gave it a light squeeze. He'd missed her; her warmth and how she smelled of lavender. And just how she fits so perfectly with him. His eyes saddened.

Rides to their ge and jie's villa had always been fun. Loud most of the time for the main purpose of wiling away the time so limos were preferred. Probably no one can beat them in being the most creative in coming up with things to do. And the times she'd driven him crazy, the good kind of crazy, just by being too damn playful and teasing.

But now, the silence speaks volumes...

His men, carrying their bags, passed them and was heading for the stairs; having received instructions on where they would be staying. He'd been too preoccupied with the memories they'd made every time they were here and failed to notice Mao seemed to be alert and awake now and her eyes trained on the stairs.

“You two!”

Mao's eyes snapped down to her jie, coming in from outside. Her hair tied in a chignon; her wrap billowing behind her as she quickened her steps towards them. She was pulled into a warm hug and they exchanged fierce “I miss yous”. But she was distracted as her eyes met Pi's once more. His face void of any expression as he slowly made his way upstairs, her bag in his hands. His jaw tightened slightly and she willed herself to look away as her jie began to ask them how their trip was.

**

“Didn't they say Miss Mao's bag was for another room?” A lie. He just didn't want to accept the facts.

Nagasaki, if he remembers his name correctly, straightened up after placing Matsumoto's bag down and gave a frown. “I don't think I heard that part. Besides, it's none of our business anyway.”

Oh yeah, it was none of his business. But not him. He was taking it upon himself to make it his business. He reluctantly dropped the bag on the lounge chair and gave the room a quick survey. His eyes fell on the bed and it feels like someone has just kicked him in the stomach. You could say it took a while for him to realize just what he was feeling. This sudden urge to just hit something.

Jealousy.

Never has he felt this way.

He's even dodging calls from Sho just because he couldn't concentrate on anything else. He needed to resolve this. Quickly before it tries to take over his common sense.

And the sight he witnessed in the kitchen just nights before certainly isn't helping as it chose right now to come to his mind. A nice, cozy dinner. And he heard her laughing. So sweetly in fact, he thought he was hearing things. But there they were when they had stepped into the room. A slight panic had clutched his whole being, seeing them like that. Afraid to think about the change he's seeing between them...

And while that change was happening, she was turning away from him. Ever since he'd tried to open up, slowly and unsurely, she chose to stop caring. He knew she was finding it hard to trust him. He couldn't blame her. A big issue like that was hard to forget, even though it's clear Nino has nothing to do with their world anymore. But it had made her realize he may have more secrets. Something he didn't confirm or deny. He just had one simple question for her.

Would she still be willing to find out as he slowly shows her the real him. He can't give it all at once; leaving himself vulnerable. He's still trying to overcome that fear...

He had gotten his answer. One he can't make himself accept. He could have tried to get an opportunity to talk to her, but with Aiba around it just got a lot harder. He's been pulled out from her detail and all he's got are glimpses of her around the house. He had tried to keep his slight panic from turning into a full-blown one. But as days passed, the chances to get near her were becoming slimmer... And then Nino's phone call came.

He knew he should keep it together. But it could be obvious in his body language these days. He had to do something. Take action; because Matsumoto seeing Nino alive and happy in a new life with his daughter just jeopardizes everything.

Because he knows what would have gone through his mind when he learns of the possibility of creating a different life. When it's staring right at him.

He'll do everything he can to have that.

With her.

He knows perfectly well. He understands perfectly well.

Because it's the same thing he would do.

It's just what he would do himself.

He needed to talk to her. He felt the panic rising again. Maybe he wasn't satisfied in not hearing her say it. Hearing her say that she wants nothing more to do with him. From the gazes they shared, he just can't accept it till it came from her.

He considered himself lucky to be able to come here with them. Without Aiba breathing down on the assignments this morning, he was able to switch it up. As Matsumoto still was used to him being in her detail, he had called for him and Nagasaki. And no one ever thinks to challenge their aniki.

It was ironic how he has Matsumoto to be thankful for.

They stepped out of the room as he pulled the doors close behind him.

Now all he has to do is get her alone and finally get his answer.

Hoping with all of him, that it is what he wants to hear...

**

“You went to see him?”

Mao's hand stilled from stirring the tea as she looked at her jie. A wan smile was on her lips.

“I did... It's hopeless. He can't forget... And he doesn't want us to forget just as easily. I'm sorry. Dragging you guys into this-”

“Jie, you can't apologize for him. Not ever,” Mao cut her off gently. “It's his problem. He's the one who got us into the crossfire. The important thing is... we still have Jun and- and Ohno.”

Yuan looked at her, trying to mask the worry she feels for Ohno so she won't feel to bad about it. “How is he?”

“The doctors are just leaving it to fate now. But don't worry, I know he's going to pull through.” She managed a smile filled with hope and strength. Things she was lacking for the moment but she didn't want her jie to feel any of the guilt anymore.

“I wanted to try to shake some sense into him. Even thinking of bringing up the fact our birthday is in two days. But the minute I saw him...,” her voice trailed off, looking out to the pool.

Mao reached over and squeezed her jie's hand. She knew the story about their birthday. How can someone just let themselves go like that? How can he take down his own family? Forgetting their past. Forgetting everything they've gone through together. But they all know the answer to that, right?

“If he could just open his heart once more for us. If he could just pull himself out of that hate. If he could allow everything that's good back in...”

“Will that make everything okay again? Could it?” Mao asked, somehow wanting to hear the answer with something akin to quiet desperation. She didn't hear the opening of the patio door and someone stepping out.

“If he's trying to change. If he's thought of that, even in the slightest... Then I'll make it be okay.” Yuan looked down, a sad smile hanging.

The words were still on her mind when her jie's guard came out with a phone. It was a call for her husband but since he hasn't arrived yet and couldn't be reached, they tried with her. She excused herself with an apologetic smile and went inside to take it. Mao's eyes followed her. Her jie would sometimes be the one handling things for her ge; something Jun and her dad never allowed for her. She stared absently at the cake in front of her, pushing at it with her fork when a noise behind her caught her attention.

She turned her head and was startled to see Pi standing there. Realizing she was thinking about him just now. He was again looking at her like he always did the past days. And once again she felt that ache within her as their gazes locked. He looked like he had something to say but his eyes flicked towards her jie's guard; who had his back turned from them, surveying the surroundings carefully. Even though the villa was well-hidden and relatively safe, they didn't want to take any chances.

She turned back to her cake but the growing awareness of him behind her made her want to leave. She felt him move closer, almost uncertain. In the next instant, she had pushed her chair back and stood up. She turned around avoiding him and in her haste, had stepped on the hem of her maxi dress, causing her to almost topple forward to the grass.

A hand firmly grasped her arm to keep that from happening. A lighter touch on her elbow as he steadied her.

Her head snapped to him and she immediately pulled away. His fingers grazing her skin as she did. The touch lingering. Their eyes met. As if acknowleding something in that small moment. She felt her face growing hot. The air charged with something much more. She then snapped to it and moved. And just as she knew, he would follow.

It's better that way. This can end.

They walked past another set of patio doors and she quickly rounded the corner. They didn't need an audience. She turned around as soon as they were clear, feeling a sort of frustration.

“What do you want from me?”

Pi stood in front of her, silent as she waited. With raw honesty he gave his answer.

“You.”

She stood there, a red tinge had appeared on her cheeks. She raked a hand through her hair, looking around as if she wanted to see if there was someone who can help. As if she wanted to forget what he just said. Trying to forget... She didn't want to be affected. Her eyes went back to him.

“I can't trust you.”

After a bit of struggle, he replied, “I know.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “And that's all you can say.”

“You have to give me a chance.” He didn't know if it sounded right. He didn't know anything right now. He just doesn't want to see her turn away forever.

“I have given you a chance. And I am giving you that chance again. Is there anymore I need to know about you?”

He gave a frustrated sigh at himself. At his helplessness.

“You not answering is scaring me...”

His eyes snapped to her.

“It feels like there are way worse things than what you've shown me. I understand the situation with Ninomiya is nothing to worry about. I know that but... What's coming next? Has it got something to do in that vein? With who I am? Why can't you be honest and upfront with me? Who are you, really?”

He took in a nervous breath and tried to articulate what it all means for him.

“I'm a wreck. And a nobody. And admitting that in front of you is one of the scariest things I've ever done.” He was horrified to realize he was shaking a little. Mao was clutching the side of her dress as he went on. “You've seen a part of me I've tried to ignore all my life. Because I can't be faced with what I've become. And letting you see that... I can't let that be the one that defines me to you.”

“I have so many things I want to say to you and the thought of peeling all those layers away... Something I've hold on to; something I thought that protects me from the world, is scaring me out of my wits....”

Mao bit her lip, seeing him struggling to open up to her.

“Because I don't know if that same identity I had adapted and tried to keep up would eventually make you turn away. I don't think I can live with that. ” He swallowed hard. “I still don't know who I am, but I want to find that out. With you... “

Mao took in a shaky breath. “What you're asking from me... is too much...”

“Is it Matsumoto?” He asked after a pause. He didn't know if he really wants to hear...

She looked away. “You have no idea what I've been through...”

“I won't hurt you.” He said with conviction. He believes that. He does... He wants to believe that.

“But I know you will. And what's frightening is-” She stopped herself from saying anymore. “I can't do this. Forget everything. Just- forget everything.”

But as those words tumbled out, her throat constricted painfully. He was looking at her, his face crushed. She can't stay another minute and torepast him.

“You do that.”

His words stopped her.

Pi turned around, looking at her back. A weakness suddenly hitting him.

“But I can't let this go.”

Mao resisted the urge to look back at him. With her heart racing, she managed to move her feet, willing them to put as much distance as they can between them. Trying to erase the words that kept coming back to her. She looked up and saw her jie coming out, looking around for her.

“What happened?” Yuan asked in mild surprise when she saw Mao, looking slightly flushed.

“N-Nothing. I just thought I'd go for a walk.”

“Sorry, the call took longer than expected. Is Jun okay, by the way?” Yuan went back to her seat. She has been wondering why he hasn't joined them.

“He went up to rest for a bit. He'll come down once Ge arrives.” Mao picked up her teacup; thankful that her racing heart is slowing down. She didn't need this right now.

Yuan considered her for a while. “Mao... Everything is okay with you and Jun, right...?”

Mao lowered her hands and placed the cup back on the table. There was no use hiding it anymore. They've accepted their fate. She's accepted their fate... She didn't want to have to cover for it again. It is what it is.

“Jie...”

**

“Ge.”

The two shared a brotherly hug. Takeshi stepped back. He gave him a clap on the shoulder. And that was all Jun needed. He knew his ge was feeling the guilt and the burden of what Wu Zun had done. He could see it in his eyes mixed with the sadness he feels for his lost brother. But a new determination was also in them. As much as he loved Wu Zun, it was time to put an end to all of it. His brother needed to know that he won't be there to clean his mess anymore.

“What's gotten your attention?” He had called out to Jun thrice before he heard him. Takeshi looked out the windows. And from their second floor view, he could see the table out on the grass. Cakes and tea. But no one was in sight except for the lone guard.

“Nothing. Just got lost in thought for a while.” Jun gave a smile. It faded as he remembered the scene he had witnessed.

He'd come out of their arranged room when it got a little stuffy for him. He was feeling restless, hoping he'd hear that his ge has arrived. He'd walk absently towards the windows and saw Mao and Yuan Jie. Yuan Jie was going in to take a call, leaving Mao who seconds later had stood up and almost tripped. Yamashita, who he hadn't noticed, was there to catch her. It wasn't supposed to be anything significant. But as his hands steadied Mao and as she pulled away, there was a certain familiarity in the flow of their movements. His eyes had narrowed slightly at the way his fingers brushed her arm when she pulled away. It was then that he heard his ge call his name.

And looking back down right now, Mao was nowhere to be seen. So was Yamashita.

It was nothing. He was just probably being oversensitive; his restlessness slowly increasing as the prospect of talking with his ge was coming closer. And with that thought and his ge here, all other thoughts were pushed away. Their talk was all that matters right now.

Takeshi seemed to catch the look in his eyes.

“Ge, I need your help...”

**

Jun pocketed his phone and looked out the window, feeling a mild headache. Two days had passed since their trip to the villa and now he was slowly making his way back to the business. He didn't feel right in dumping all responsibilities on Aiba when he had his own monsters to battle. Afraid that the added stress could trigger something that they'll regret. But Aiba, still supportive of him taking a short leave, won't have it. He's earned every right to take some time off; he's bound to push himself over the edge if he doesn't. He can handle himself, he needn't worry was what he reassured him.

His concern was appreciated. But today, he had to do this meeting. Some of their associates had gotten testy with his absence and he needed to smooth that out first. And he was on his way. He's been gone just a few days and everyone was asking for him already.

What more if he leaves?

For good.

The memory of his talk with his ge was still fresh on his mind. After that talk, any other person wouldn't have the tolerance to still go through the motions in this world. But it's glaringly clear it's not going to be easy with his position. He still had things to answer to and he will take the time to manage them well. He owes it to his dad and Uncle Toshiro. It was going to be a hell of a feat but he didn't care. Because he's decided.

“I want out, Ge.”

Those were the next words out of his mouth after asking his ge for help. The latter regarding him silently for what seemed like eons.

“It's going to take a while,” was all he said.

He didn't ask his reasons, didn't question his decision knowing he wouldn't come to him if he wasn't sure. He wondered if his ge had known all along things might turn out this way for him. As if he knows something... But he didn't care. His mind couldn't process anything except for the fact that he'd taken that step. That step towards a different future. He was veering away from what fate has planned for him. And he's never felt more free.

Though the decision came with its burdens and doubts, ultimately, he knows the lengths he is willing to take. It's time he takes his life back...

He's given enough...

But that significant moment came with one disheartening realization...

He had woken from a light sleep when he felt someone putting a blanket over him. He opened his eyes to Mao, straightening up. Realizing he had fallen asleep on the lounge chair inside their room. After his talk with his ge, it seemed like all the tension had gone from him along with thoughts occupying his mind for the past days, his body had finally been able to relax and he must have dozed off when he had returned to their room, feeling a little dazed at the events.

She had given him a small smile. “You look beat. Sleep... I'm... I'm just here to get my bag.”

His brow furrowed and he suddenly understood. She was moving to a different room...

Her saddened eyes met his. “I've already told jie the truth... I think it's time they know...”

He tried to pull himself back from that moment. It still stung... It seems like everything between is changing so fast... Was his decision enough to mend things? He wasn't naive in thinking everything could still go back to the way they were... Too much has happened for that... He knows that, just afraid to admit it. But maybe if they finally get out from the shadow of this life...

Maybe then they could at least have a shot at some kind of happiness...

Not the kind he'd imagined they would have before... But this kind... The kind they have now... It could be a start...

It may hurt still...

But at least it's something...

He rubbed his temple absently. Pi took a glance at him from the passenger seat. Their driver adjusted the rearview mirror and his words effectively distracted both men's attention from their current concerns.

“We have a tail.”

Jun carefully turned his head to check and see while Pi's eyes went to the side mirror. Only seconds later, the driver swore out loud as a truck came out of nowhere heading straight for them. The driver swerved to avoid it just in time; their car careening over to an empty street. Coming to a full stop beside the sidewalk. All three seemed to be okay aside from a few bumps.

“The hell-” Jun started.

The gunshots followed almost immediately.

Their car was being gunned down.

**

The bullets ricocheted off the walls, sound of breaking glass all around them. Jun shielded himself from it as the shards came raining down on him. They had managed to get off the car; now using it as a shield from the assailants. The two cars holding more of his guards had turned around and were now engaged in a gun fight. The assailants didn't seem to want to budge; out for blood.

They managed to get a few shots in; causing injury to some. But bullets were soon running out. Jun shouted if back-up's on its way. The driver had said yes. And all three of them started their own assault once again. A sudden cry of pain. The driver was hit as he slumped down the concrete in pain, clutching his shoulder.

“Shit.”

Jun pulled him in for better cover. The bullets still flying all around. He chanced a look ahead. His men were losing the fight. He looked to his right. Yamashita had pushed in a new magazine and ducking, waited for the right window to start shooting again. Jun had started once more. Pi's eyes shifted to him.

His back was to him.

They then went back to his gun.

His index finger curled around the trigger.

He seemed to be struggling with himself.

Jun had ducked down again; his gun empty. He reached over to grab the gun laying beside their driver's hand.

Pi swiftly moved forward, leveled his gun and fired.

Jun watched as the man fell to the ground. He turned his head and saw Pi's grim face, gun still raised. A sudden movement behind him. A second too late.

He heard the shot and Pi fell forward.

He swiped the gun on the ground and opened fire.

**

“It sounds like a lot of fun over there.”

Mei chuckled at the slight pout in her voice. She heard one of the kids requesting to change his animal into a stegosaurus. Mao laughed at Mei's answer; saying she can only allow leaf-eating dinosaurs in the program. It was obvious it was Akira, who hated vegetables with a passion. He'd rather be a koala than a leaf-eating dinosaur and that was the end of their conversation.

“You haven't been taking care of yourself. Time off from the kids is an appropriate punishment.”

Mao gave a smile at her concern, reaching for some teabags from the cupboard. She hadn't been feeling well ever since they got back. She was always telling Jun to watch out for his health and at the same not heeding her own advice. Everything just came in all directions; she hasn't been sleeping well in a while and her body has had enough. It didn't help that their trip yielded an added factor...

Her eyes went to the windows. Only earlier had she caught a glimpse of Pi on his way out when she came down for some water. She'd learned he was going to be a part of Jun's detail this day. Jun and he... She brought herself back to her conversation with Mei Jie.

“You should always be nagging me about it then,”she teased. Lun Ge had complained good-naturedly just how Mei Jie has been with him. The grin he had on his lips then instantly faded into one of uncertainty when he saw his wife's expression. He's probably still suffering for that comment. But she knows she'll be able to get away with it.

“On second thought, I prefer this arrangement really. At least I have the kids all to myself,” Mei huffed with love then laughed.

Mao cooed words of comfort in a teasing way. But she knew there was a slight ruth coming from her words about wanting the kids all to herself. Having finally made the decision not long before that they are going to Taiwan to start anew... She loves the kids; they've become a family. And leaving them is just tearing at her.

Mei Jie chose to tell the kids after they finish with their program. She didn't want to risk dampening their moods and just wanted to see all their kids all fluffy and happy. Wanting to see their proud smiles. Mao agreed because she herself felt like throwing a tantrum after hearing the news, but deep down she knew this is just what they need. And if it leads them to a better life... Parting ways would be all worth it. She can always come back. She'll always be a part of them.

“Maybe we could arrange one last trip before you and Ge go.” Mao tried to keep the sadness out of her voice. It was already hard enough for her jie right now. But she'll be okay. She has Lun Ge with her.

Mei was ecstatic about the idea. But a little squabble between the giraffe and zebra suddenly needed her attention. They said their goodbyes and Mao put down her phone. She placed the used teabag on a saucer and picked her mug up. A number of guards suddenly rushed past the windows. Alarmed, she placed her mug down and headed towards the back door leading outside. She followed them, jogging behind. She could hear one of them talking on the phone, reporting that everything was alright in the house. Her heart thumped painfully as one of them asked if there were any news of injuries. If the boss was okay. No, not again...

Not again...

Jun...

And then unbidden, her mind went to Pi.

No one gave an answer as they rounded the corner, followed by her, and quickly ran ahead. Four SUVs were already rolling to a stop. The sedan Jun usually uses nowhere in sight. Her heart gave a lurch. She saw doors opening and finally sees Jun step out. A wave of relief washed over her. He was unharmed,

He was alright.

Startled guards had let her pass when she caught up with them. Jun who had been issuing orders, looked around and saw her running towards him, looking paler than usual. He left the guard he was talking to and went to meet her halfway.

“Thank God you're okay,” she breathed out, positively shaken, her eyes shining as she clutched his arms. He had a few cuts and scrapes but he was okay.

Jun's hands cupped her face gently, his heart swelling at the sight of her. He pulled her into his embrace and she didn't fight it. Just glad to see him come home. She buried her face in his shoulder. She asked what happened and with a slightly shaking voice asked if everyone was okay.

“The only explanation is Wu Zun. But he's clearly not one to make such a stupid move. I don't know...”, Jun said, still holding her close. “ We have almost everyone back. Almost... We lost some men out there...”

Mao's hands automatically curled against his chest. Her mind racing, her heart thumping against her chest painfully once more. Asking who they were was almost at the tip of her tongue. She fought against it, knowing how it would sound. Her widened eyes went over to the SUVs, searching for some sign of him. Pi... But he wasn't there. She didn't notice another SUV coming to a stop.

“Their families will be notified...,” Jun patted the back of her head gently. “You should be resting. I'm sorry...”

“Don't say that...,” she whispered against him.

She could hear the pounding in her ears. Where is he? He can't be... Her knees almost buckled when she saw him emerging from behind the line of parked SUVs. His eyes fell on them and a painful lump in her throat appeared at the look of defeat on his face. His eyes remained on them, meeting her gaze as he walked with the rest of the guards towards the back.

She bit her lip, seeing the blood on his white shirt. He'd been hit in his right shoulder, his pallid face showing little signs of pain as he walked with heavy steps. He tore his gaze away from her but her eyes still followed him. Watching his back as he walked further.

Unable to forget the crushed look on his face just before he turned away...

As if all hope was really lost...

**

Pi gave a slight wince when he moved his right shoulder. The gunshot wound from yesterday was making him sore and all the advice and push for him to go take a few days off and let the damn wound heal seemed really inviting as of the moment. Why didn't he stay in the hospital like a normal person? But he didn't want to, claiming that it had been a through and through; no damage really done. Someone pointed out that he lost a significant amount of blood. All he needs is the right amount of sleep, he had countered. They looked at him like he was hopeless.

Hopeless could be the best way to describe him. Because he knew the few days off meant he won't be able to see her. But what would he get even if he sees her? She seemed like she really wanted to erase all that's happened between them.

And seeing her with Matsumoto yesterday...

The bullet was nothing compared to what he felt when his eyes landed on them. The bullet he can take; he's experienced way worse things than that. But that hug between them hurt him to his core... She's turning away from him... And back to Matsumoto... And he fears there's nothing he can really do about it...

There is nothing he can do about it.

She doesn't want any of this... Anything to do with him...

Yesterday came back to him once more. Being around Matsumoto still isn't easy. With all the hate he carried all these years, it will take a while. He'll always remind him of all that he lost... All that he could have had... When his eyes went to him, even with all the chaos around them, it was nothing compared to the struggle he felt inside. The feel of the gun in his hand had seemed heavy as thoughts of his cruel past rushed inside his head. What would it feel like if the source of all his pain was gone from this world? If he could take it out himself? What if he could finally be free from all of it? Pulling the trigger could do that...

But then Mao was suddenly there with him...

And he knew what he wants...

And it was different now...

She's shown him...

But when he saw them together... Does he regret not just taking him out? He was still causing him pain... Even more now that he's allowed himself to feel like there's a chance for him... A glorious chance for him to be free...

But... he doesn't regret it... He didn't want to have her through that way... He can never have her through that way...

He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly.

Can he ever have her still...?

His eyes snapped up when he heard the closing sound of the back door leading from the kitchen. He froze in his tracks. Mao stood there, her expression unreadble.

“You should be in a hospital,” she said in a quiet voice, pulling her oversized sweater closer to her.

Pi shook his head.

“I'm okay.” He looked her over. “You still need rest.”

Her condition was nothing. Her emotions seemed to be on the rise. “Why are you being stubborn about this?”

Pi's brow furrowed slightly. “I really am okay.”

“No, you're not. You've lost a lot of blood. You are not looking so good. Why won't you just take a few days off?” Mao didn't know why she was getting angry.

Pi seemed taken aback as well. His jaw tightened. “I don't need a few days off. It wouldn't make any difference.”

He's still going to feel the pain no matter what.

“Wouldn't make any difference? Why are you taking this so lightly?”

“Because it's nothing,” Pi said without thought. “I'm okay. I've felt worse...”

“Nothing?” Mao repeated. “Nothing? You suck, you know that? You suck so much.”

“What?” Was all he could say; confused.

“I didn't think it was nothing when I heard people were killed. I didn't think it was nothing when I couldn't find you. I didn't think it was nothing when I thought I won't ever see you again. I didn't think it was nothing when I saw you and I just wanted to tell you not to ever scare me like that.” Her chin quivered. “I thought I can ignore you. I thought I am doing the right thing. I don't ever want to get hurt again because I can't trust you. But you just make me want to trust you. You make it so damn hard. So now you know why you suck.”

Pi could only stare at her, his heart going a mile a minute, as she stood there all indignant, her eyes shining from the frustrated tears. He tried to work his throat, swallowing hard.

“W-What do you want?” Was all he could manage; his voice has gone hoarse.

“You.” The frustration, the anger at him all gone. All he heard was the softness in her voice. The tenderness in that one word as she answered him back.

Their gazes continued to be locked. He took a step when they heard the sound of footsteps and the voices drifted to them. He looked over his shoulder and when he turned his head back to her, she was already at the door.

His throat constricted. He wanted to go to her. She caught his gaze and her eyes softened.

There will be another time...

They will have their time...

**

“What is it?” Zun snapped when he answered his phone.

News of another attack on Matsumoto had reached him in Bangkok and things were now all over the place. He had to come back to Japan and put a stop to the circus. Do they actually think he'd do anything like this when he's already under scrutiny for the previous attack?

But his ge never called unlike those times before when he deliberately provoked things.

Yuan's words then came back to him. And they rang true. His ge never tried to contact him and he took it as a sign that he's also convinced he's the one who orchaestrated the ambush once again. He was not putting anymore faith in him. He cursed inwardly. He's got his hands full this time. He has to answer to whatever his ge is about to do. He clenched his jaw.

Not even willing to hope that he and Yuan will see right through this... But he's not going to explain himself to them. He did what he had to do. The consequences he's willing to face...

Someone's toying with him; using him as a scapegoat in off-ing Matsumoto. Whoever had the guts to do that he will find out. If they want to paint him as some madman, then he'll show them just that.

“What?” He asked again, bringing his head back to the present. He didn't hear the words clearly. His brow furrowed as he listened once more.

“Akanishi Jin?” He repeated.

The inside of their car was suddenly bathed in glaring light.

He turned his head, squinting and then his eyes widened.

And the last thing he remembers were the sound of breaking glass, of steel on steel penetrating his senses.

==
Listening to Britt Nicole's "Safe" as I was writing this chappie.Gosh,I'm such a geek.I want to make a fanmix for this story.Lol.

Chapter 34: Conflicts

“Paperwork's done.”

Jun turned from the window to Aiba standing by the door. He gave a distracted nod as his men carried his bags out of the room. Aiba took a few steps and stopped beside the bed, observing Jun's profile. He had went back to staring out the window; his mind elsewhere. Worry started to seep in again. He's never seen Jun be this out of it. He understands that with everything that's happened- Ohno's condition is still unclear and things with Mao seemed to have taken a turn for the worst- it was enough to break a man... But not Jun; his will stronger than anyone he knows. He's held on for all these years. But this time... This time...

Was it finally just too much...?

“Don't you think you should stay for a few more days?”Aiba asked, noting the paleness of his skin and the shadows under his eyes. It looked like it was taking everything in him just to stand there.

Jun turned to him once more and cast him a reassuring smile. The effort alone looked like it was going to take him down.

“I think I'll be able to rest better at home.”

He went towards Aiba and clapped a hand to his shoulder as he walked past. Aiba stared at his back for a while before following him out.

“How is Mao?”

“At the orphanage preparing a program for the kids.” There was a pause. “She knows you're going home today. Something she definitely isn't happy about. She thinks it's still too soon.”

“I wish she can tell me that herself.”

It's been days since he last saw her. He knows she visits late at night as Aiba had told him. He had tried waiting for her, just to see her. God knows how much he wanted to. But his condition just wouldn't allow him to. And every morning, the minute he opens his eyes, that strong desire to see her sleeping next to him was always there. And every morning he was met with disappointment. But knowing she was staying by his side every night...

Though it still wasn't enough...

At least now he's going home...

She was one of the motivations why he wanted to be out of the hospital as soon as possible. And the other thing was... He'd arrived at some thoughts... Thoughts he couldn't be so rash with... Thoughts that could change everything... And he needed a place where he can think...

Before he makes a decision...

The hospital clearly isn't a place that helps with such a situation... He needed to be sure. He needed to be able to stand by his decision. Not because there are factors that drove him to it. But that ultimately it came from himself. That it will be what he really wanted. And he'll never look back again.

The two remained silent as they walked towards the exit doors.

“Make sure she's well-guarded. Yamashita's on her detail, right?” Jun said after a while. As much as he would like to go to her and see for himself, he knew he wouldn't want to put a damper on her time with her kids.

Though he knows there was nothing to worry about. For now. His ge's wrath seemed to have put their world on a standstill. No one will even dare make a move; they'll have to answer to him. The situation with Wu Zun had literally thrown him back in the midst of all these. It's as if escape for people like them really was just a fantasy. It could never exist for them.

Never...

Jun didn't notice the way Aiba shifted his eyes.

“I have Nagasaki on her this time around. We needed Yamashita for a different run.” He wasn't going to ever let Jun know Mao had gone missing the night they were ambushed. And on Yamashita's time. How Jun and Ohno ever put their trust on the guy he will never know.

He will never trust him again when it comes to Mao...

But he doesn't have to concern Jun with any of this. At least for now. If he does screw up again, he won't think twice and will chuck the guy out. Jun and Ohno will just have to take his word for it. But he had a feeling that Mao will have something to say about that... Remembering how she tried to speak for him the night at the hospital...

Jun gave a frown.

“I don't want there to be any problems.” Jun's voice cut through his train of thought. As usual he's always a little wary when it comes to the guards around Mao. And this sudden change in her detail doesn't sit right with him.

“Don't worry,”Aiba offered, hastening to steer the conversation onto a different topic. “When are you and Ge meeting up?”

“He's inviting us over to their villa soon. No date yet,” Jun answered, unaware of Aiba's sudden discomfort from the previous topic. “He and Jie are feeling guilty about all of this. They know Wu Zun's just trying to get to them. They shouldn't be burdened with this... We have a lot to talk about...”

Aiba gave him a sideways glance. His tone in that last sentence seemed to suggest something of a different matter. The automatic doors opened and they stepped out, stopping in front to wait for the car to arrive.

“Aiba...” Jun started.

“Just take all the time you need.” Aiba then gave a light chuckle. “Did you honestly think I'd let you dive into work after all this? I know you want to take a break, Jun. And you deserve one. I've got this.”

Jun didn't know what to say at first; a grateful look in his eyes. He could never hide things from a friend.

A brother.

“I know this is-”

“Come on,”Aiba stopped him, looking a bit amused. His expression then turned solemn. “Don't think too much about it. You know I've always got your back.”

He definitely knows that. Jun gave a smile as the car rolled to a stop in front of them.

And maybe it's time to return the favor.

Once and for all.

**

Zun was about to pick up his morning coffee when his guards'sudden movements caught his attention. His hand froze in midair as his eyes fell on her. In just seconds, the look of surprise on his face was instantly covered up with one of nonchalance. As if her sudden appearance in front of him, in a hotel in Bangkok, is something insignificant. Unimportant. And is not stirring all these conflicting emotions right now.

“Let her through.”

Yuan didn't so much as look at the guards as she brushed past them. Her attention focused on the man she thought could still be saved. The man she thought is still family. But the shadow of that man she had known for so long could not be seen anymore... Replaced by this cold and cruel stranger who seemed to be relishing the reason that brought her here...

She sat down across from him, her face set.

“You've gone too far this time, Zun.”

She looked like she had just gotten off the plane and had come straight to see him. His eyes took all of her in. Her hair was in a tangled wavy mess; he always preferred this look on her. Showing a bit of the wild and carefree side that had always captivated him. His eyes trailed towards her collarbone. Thanks to the low-cut top underneath her blazer, he was treated to the sight of her porcelain skin; flawless as always.

He knew the reason why she showed up in front of him, seemingly alone. Knew what consequences are waiting for his actions. Knew she was going to remind him of just that, all the while controlling the urge to give him what he deserves. He could see it in her eyes, burning of disappointment and an anger he has never seen.

Even with all that hanging over them right now, he still couldn't take his eyes off her and couldn't stop the thoughts going through his head right now. She wasn't supposed to be in front of him, making him feel all of these things all over again. He wasn't mentally prepared for this and it scared him just how much he really wanted her back; he missed her and if he could just turn back time... Back to their time...

Maybe because they were here; far from everything. A different time... A different place... Maybe he just wants to forget all of it... If only someone can give him that...

“Would you like something to drink first?” He said lazily, trying to keep up the pretense that she didn't throw him off, showing up here like this.

“Do not try me,”she replied curtly.

“Did Matsumoto actually die, Yuan?” He couldn't help saying her name. It's been a while he's had it on his lips. “The bastard's still alive. If anyone's got the right to be angry, it's me.”

Her eyes flashed dangerously. He wouldn't be surprised if she just stood up and slapped him across the face. Maybe a part of him wanted her to do it... Just so he can see if he was still human... She apparently is having second thoughts too.

She took in a deep calming breath. “You had no reason- no valid reason whatsoever- to attack Jun and his men. Just take your anger out on us. Don't pull others into this- this warped sense of revenge. Just take it out on us. This is just between us.”

He regarded her for a second before saying, “You are well-aware what Matsumoto did to my men, aren't you?”

“That's bullshit and you know it.”

“All my men dead at his hands. I had to do something about it.”

“Just stop. Stop acting like a child for god's sake!” She almost shouted, her composure slipping a bit. “You do not toy with people like that just because you didn't get what you want! When are you going to stop this madness? And do not even think about trying to pull that innocent act on me again.”

She was glaring at him as he sat there, expressionless.

“It will end when it stops hurting,” he then said.

“Why can't you just let it go?” Yuan asked quietly after a pause.

His bitter laugh said it all.

“You have to move on, Zun. We all have to move on from this. It's slowly killing us all...”

“A happy ending for all of us, don't you think?” He tried to keep his voice steady as the look of helplessness flashed in her eyes.

“Is that what you want? Is that the only way for this to stop?” She seemed eerily calm all of a sudden.

His eyes snapped up to her.

“This will never stop. Because no amount of pain I cause you two can even compare to what you've done to me. I will do everything I can to see you suffer. I will drag every person I can into this misery to see you in pain. But it will never be enough. As long as you're with him, as long as you go home to him, I will never ever stop.”

If Yuan was shocked to hear those words, she kept it to herself. Instead she asked in a quiet voice, “Why don't we find out if that's true?”

Zun didn't expect that kind of an answer. Before he knew it, Yuan had stood up and went to his side, deftly snatching up the knife beside his plate. He saw his guards getting ready to grab her back and he told them to stay put. She suddenly grabbed his hand, placing the knife in it. He stared eyes wide as her hands over his positioned the knife on her stomach.

“What the hell are you doing?” He demanded, trying to pull his hand away but she held it steady.

“Maybe if I don't exist in this world anymore, your pain will stop. Maybe that's the only way you can ever be free of this. Maybe-”

“Are you mad?” he barked.

They struggled for a bit; his heart pounding, for fear of hurting her. Even just a little. He didn't want to see that. Now that it's right in front of him, he knew deep down he never wants to see anything happen to her. The knife fell to the floor. He quickly stood up, stopping Yuan from reaching down for it.

“Do not do that again!” he said, his hold on her arm tightened; losing his cool once again.

“Isn't that exactly what you want? Then why won't you do it!”

He was looking down at her, teeth gritted; breathing heavily as he tried to think of a way to salvage whatever damage his outburst and concern for her had caused.

“Because you can't. That's why. Because whatever front you've put up, I know the Zun I know is still inside. So stop this. Or else you'll regret it...”

“Is that a threat?”

“An advice. From family.”

Yuan pulled free from his grasp gently, their eyes still locked. She then turned around and picked up her purse. She turned her head to him once more.

“The next time you do anything, Takeshi won't take it sitting down anymore.”

Her gaze stayed on him for a while more, hoping she's gotten through to him somehow. But she couldn't tell... Is there still hope for him? She turned to go without another word. Leaving Zun slightly seething at the turn of events. She brushed past the cafe's manager, unsure as to whether he should risk going ahead and asking if everything is okay. But the other guests were treated to a shock and he needed to let them see that there really was nothing to worry about now. Zun indicated his guards to take care of it as he dropped back down on his seat. His eyes going to her once again as she turned the corner and was gone.

Let it go...

How many times have that thought crossed his mind? But everytime it does, her face follows and he couldn't bring himself to admit that she's with his brother now... That they're going to lead their lives with just the two of them... He's always been aware of the connection they had... Without a doubt, it was stronger than anything between them... He knew that... And it's what's killing him... It's what's eating away at him... That he's always been and would always be the outsider... He can't accept that. That his brother had always had the one person he wants.. The one person he loves more than anything...

He's always had that thought; he and Yuan can never be. Not when he has an idea of what his Ge feels for her... But even so, his feelings for her were just growing deeper and deeper...

But it happened... The moment she became his... He thought he'd die from the sheer happiness of having her.. All of her... Just to himself. No one had any idea just how much it meant to him... He was content... Feeling like his own man for the first time in his life... Nothing could break him...

Nothing...

Until... He closed his fist in reflex as he tried to stop the memory. But the pain he couldn't do anything about; like a knife twisting his heart. And he's never felt anything but that in all these years... Maybe he could let her go if he never had her... Maybe he could learn to live with the thought of the two of them if she never made him feel that it could be them until the very end... Maybe... Maybe...

He can never really know...

One thing is certain; he can never let this go... Try as he might... More so when they've come to all this... There was no turning back for him... No turning back from the person he's become... It was easier for him this way... Easier for him to hate himself too... It was in those moments of hate that he forgets about his reality...

And in a sense, not letting go means he's sure that she won't ever forget him... Won't ever forget what happened to them... What they had... It's the only way for them to remain with her... He wants her to forever remember...

Even if her anger, her hate towards him spills over... Then at least... Then maybe... Her hate for him can at least compare to her love for their Ge...

It's the only way he can stay with her...

The only way...

The ringing of his phone brought him back to the hotel. He picked up, still trying to compose himself; feeling almost suffocated by all the emotions pouring in. He listened to the man on the other end.

“I know we can't touch Matsumoto right now, but with Inoue Mao it's a different matter. Watch her closely. Report back to me as soon as you find something we can use.”

He hung up, jaw tightening at the words Yuan had left for him. His brother won't be so forgiving the next time...

But it's the only way...

**

Jun heard the soda can tumbling down the vending machine and bent down to retrieve it. He'd been walking around in a different part of town, one he's never ever been to, trying to make sense of all the thoughts crammed into his head. He didn't feel like staying in an empty house while Mao was at the orphanage and had decided to go for a drive alone. Aiba wasn't too keen on the idea, but he had insisted. He'll be back soon. A bit of fresh air and some alone time will be good for him. He'd parked his car somewhere and continued on foot when he arrived in these parts. The atmosphere was just what he needed. Quiet and calm; far from the world he's so used to. He's seen mostly families and old folks going about their daily routine. It gave him a sense of normalcy and decided to explore more.

He straightened up and started to move, opening the soda can. A small restaurant could be seen ahead; his feet carrying him in that direction. He walked past the almost empty shop, taking a sip, eyes falling on a little girl sketching on one of the tables laid out ouside. His steps slowed down as he lowered his hand, a small smile on his lips. He was hopeless but the little girl with her crayons and doodles surrounding her reminded him so much of Mao. She had once been that tiny, giving life to her imaginary world on paper.

He looked around, wondering where her parent or parents are. Coming to the conclusion that they probably are the owners. The little girl continued working on her crayons, not even looking up when he stopped in front of the table. He was trying to make out what she was drawing when a voice came from behind.

“Okay, Mio, I got your favorite milk shake drink. Now, can we go home and...

Jun who had turned around stared at the person who appeared equally shocked. His mind started racing and then something clicked. His brows slowly knitting together as he opened his mouth to speak.

“N-Ninomiya?”

Nino looked like all life had drained from him. His hands holding the drinks fell limply to his side.

“W-What...” Jun didn't know what to make of this.

He watched as Nino wordlessly headed towards the little girl- his daughter- and scooped her up in his arms. She made the smallest sound in protest; she was still drawing. He was about to take a step back when his eyes fell on her drawing.

“How did you find me?” he then demanded, quickly gathering Mio's things together. “I don't want any trouble. If you're trying to stir something up-”

Jun held his hands up, trying to reason with him.

“This is purely coincidental. No one's trying anything. I don't even- You're alive,” he finished almost in awe. He was finding it hard to gather himself. This was one discovery he probably wouldn't get over from.

Nino's hands stopped and he took a calming breath. His arms automatically tightening around Mio. He knew from his shocked expression that fate was just trying to show them it had a sense of humor. His instincts to keep his guard up just kicking in. Nevertheless, he was still wary and his eyes started searching for an exit, if it will come down to it. But it looks like one of his past has just innocently caught up to him once again.

Matsumoto didn't look like a threat. A thought he didn't think would ever cross his mind.

“I want to keep things as they are.”

Jun understood what he was trying to say.

“Let's forget this ever happened.” Nino never wanted to see him again. He's got way too much baggage. It will not bode well for any of them. “Please.”

Jun heard the earnest plea in his voice; his fear crystal clear. His eyes fell on his daughter once more. If anyone were to ever found out...

He's got everything to lose.

“You have my word,” Jun reassured.

Nino looked at him for a while more. Can he be trusted? Is his family safe? But he knew Jun's character. He was just another simple man unable to escape his fate. He understands this...

He does.

“Thank you.”

He could breathe a little easily now. He looked to Mio and then back to Jun again. Giving a slight nod before turning to go.

“Wait, you can't expect to go just like that.” Jun's head seemed to be buzzing with all the questions.

“Forgive me if I'm still a little shaken up at this. I'm not really ready to bond or anything. This should be as far as we go. The less you know the-”

“I need to know.”

Nino's eyes snapped to him. As the initial shock in seeing Matsumoto in front of him has subsided, it was only now he'd noticed that he truly looked like hell. Suddenly remembering the ambush Pi had told him about.

One of the most feared mob leader in Japan was now standing in front of him, looking broken, a little scared, and... somewhat hopeful perhaps as he waited to hear his answer.

It was against his better judgment. It was risky to let him into their lives, even for just a moment. But...

He looked like he truly wanted to hear how his story went.

As if he was holding on to dear life...

Something that alarmed him; suddenly getting a bad feeling about all of this...

**

“Kaneshiro Takeshi?”

His ge? His ge was the one who helped him get a new life...?

Nino gave a nod, leaning against his chair. Still unable to believe he was having a conversation with Matsumoto Jun in his home. Or rather his restaurant. A noise from the back told him that most of his staff were coming in for the day, ready to open shop. Jun still looked as shocked as ever, a cup of tea in front of him.

“I knew he was the only one that can help. I never thought he'd grant me an audience but... You can imagine why he's such a legend in our midst. He was the only one I know I can trust with a secret. Which is saying something. Our groups never really saw eye to eye.” Nino picked up his tea and took a sip.

Jun was still left speechless. All these new information was just too much to process for now.

“That was a bit risky. If his men were seen around your house...”

“He never used any of his men. The only ones who knew about the plan were him, myself and the person who helped us out that night."

“Someone I've never seen before in my life,” Nino continued, knowing Jun's next question. “I just know I won't be looking over my shoulder anymore.”

It was weird talking about that night those years ago now. Pi and Yoko may know that he'd faked his and Mio's deaths but he never did divulge who helped him carry it out. And it's a good thing they respected him enough not to ask for any further details. With Matsumoto though... he just volunteered the information. He knew that's what he wants; to hear every single aspect...

If his hunch was right...

He had seen the turmoil and longing in him the moment he stepped in here as he looked around. He was reminded of himself and Natsuko then, just wishing life would be so much simpler. Normal. With just their family all together, it was more than enough. Taking him here could be pushing him in the same direction he'd gone... But somehow, he knew he's already started on his own...

His thoughts went to Pi. What would he think of all this? But knowing where Matsumoto is coming from, it was out of his hands. If his choices can enlighten a man to make one of his own now... Who was he to deny him that? Understanding all too well the feeling of being trapped...

“You've made it,” he simply said to him. Sounding as if it was still too good to be true.

Nino gave a small smile.

“How were you able to make that decision?”

Nino's eyes went to Mio's crayons placed on top of the other table. “I've always known what's most important to me... I just wish I did something about it sooner.”

He turned back to his cup, staring at it almost sadly.

“To this day, I regret it. Regret it with every fiber of my being. But sometimes, you just have to move on and hope that not everything is too late. And if you're lucky, you get to keep it that way.”

Nino's eyes went to him. “Think of what you really want. It will be worth it.”

The banging coming from the kitchen shook them out of the solemness of the conversation. Jun then slowly made to stand up, taking it as a sign for him to go. He won't impose himself any further. He then held out a hand.

“Thank you.”

The two shook hands; Nino nodding in understanding. He watched as he turned around, looking calmer than before. As if he'd reached a certain understanding with himself. His eyes followed him as he slowly made his way to the doors. There was no need for another reminder of just how important it is that this stays between them. No need to reiterate the gravity of the situation. He knew he was a man of his words.

And he hoped he finds whatever answers he was searching for.

Tae Yang called out from the kitchen about the new batch of deliveries and he gave a distracted answer, telling him he'll be right there. He went pass the table carrying Mio's crayons and drawings. He stopped for a second, staring at them. Reaching over, he then picked up one of the drawings she'd been working so diligently on.

“You really miss her, huh, Mio?” he murmured at the familiar face on paper.

He thought of Pi again. He'd placed himself in a conflicting situation, being supportive of Matsumoto. Having a vague sense of what he was asking from him and actually indirectly telling him to go for what his heart wants. Though he clearly knows it will cause a problem for Pi, he just couldn't sit back and let the man suffer, when he knows what he was going through.

But...

Maybe he had let empathy get the better of him. Because as much as he feels for the man, how can he compromise Pi's chance at happiness...? All his life he's imprisoned himself in his own hate and now that he's found someone... Found her... He's never seen him care about a person this much. He is serious about her. So serious that he was afraid he'd be more reckless and impulsive than he was now. But he was finally investing in something that's not going to further cripple him inside.

How can he let all that just go to nothing?

He placed Mio's drawing back on the table and gave a frustrated sigh. Feeling helpless at this sudden dilemma. Tae Yang was calling for him again. He moved towards the kitchen. It was a given that he'd be telling Pi of this little encounter, contemplating whether or not he should omit certain details to make it seem less of a mess... But somehow he doubts there's anything to be done about it...

He just hopes Pi doesn't do anything rash because of it...

**

Jun stepped into the kitchen just in time to see Mao yelp, forgetting that the pot was still hot to the touch. He gave a smile as she rubbed her fingers on her earlobe. She suddenly turned around, reaching for the bowl on the countertop when her eyes fell on him.

“You're home.”

He'd forgotten she used to greet him like that. Though her tone lacked the usual sweetness that comes with those words, he didn't hear disappointment.

You're home...

It somehow warmed him up inside. His day further taking a turn for the better.

“You're feeling well?”

He gave a nod.

“You're sure?”

“I can't stay in that room anymore.”

The side of her lips lifted in understanding. “Was wondering when you'll be coming home. I re-heated the soup for you. Thought you could have some this morning. I asked them to take care of it for me while I was at the orphanage. But it seems like you went out for a drive.”

Jun stopped beside the counter, unaware she had taken the effort. She wasn't there to accompany him out of the hospital but she's clearly had him in mind... He was supposed to feel ecstatic about it... But... knowing full well she had made it clear nothing will ever happen beyond this... He knew she still cared... Mao wouldn't be Mao if she didn't... But he sees clearly now...

It's different...

Much different...

“I didn't know or I would have stayed before going out.”

Mao shook her head. There was something different about him but she didn't know how to put it exactly. “Looks like the drive was the better choice.”

Their gazes locked for a moment. Mao immediately looked away.

“You most probably haven't had a proper meal yet. You need your dinner.” She took a bowl and turned back towards the stove.

Jun pulled a stool out and took a seat. She knows him too well. He had been more preoccupied with the day's events and had wandered around for the rest of the day. It wasn't till the sky grew dark that he realized it was time to go back. Seconds later, a steaming bowl of chicken soup was placed in front of him. It wasn't until then he realized he was hungry. She then proceeded to take a rice bowl and he poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher.

“What made you decide to cook again today?”

She set the rice bowl at his side. The tofu steak was next.

“Well, you need some decent food. None of that take-out crap Aiba has been giving you the past week.”

Jun found himself smiling as she gave an exasperated one at the thought of Aiba. He appreciated the way she had tied her hair up in a messy bun on top of her head; some of her hair falling softly framing her face. His gaze lingered for a while, appreciating the freshness of her face, void of any make-up. It was what any man would want. What he imagined their life would be outside of this world. She cooking dinner for him after a day's work and he coming home warmed up with thoughts of the hours she spent just for him.

Somehow the flow of conversation and the atmosphere turned a bit more cozy than usual. As if everything that's happened in between never existed... Mao must have noticed it too as she fell self-conscious. His intent gaze added more to that.

“And it helps in distracting me from... things,”she finished. Jun didn't notice the way her eyes flicked towards the windows. She placed two more dishes in front of him and picked up a towelette, wiping her hands with it.

Jun assumed she was referring to the recent events and looked down. She then started taking off her apron, telling him to eat up. He should take care of his body better right now. She seemed ready to go.

“You aren't joining me?” he then asked.

Mao's hand paused. “Well, I... I do have some things to do for-”

“You still need to eat.”

Her hands slowly dropped, eyes flicking once more to the windows. Jun watched as she sat from across him moments later, putting down her rice bowl. His eyes automatically give a sideways glance. She'd normally pull up the stool beside him in the past...

“How are the kids these days? I heard from Aiba you're doing a program?” He eased back into conversation, wanting to keep things as they were. It's been a while they are able to come to such a comfortable pace...

“Yeah, we're doing “A Meeting at the Zoo”. The kids are all into their animal characters.”

He'd missed the way she'd light up when she talks about her kids. A lingering smile was on his lips. The memory of Ninomiya's daughter suddenly coming back to him. His smile widened as Mao talked more about what they were doing.

“Well, maybe I'd have the privilege of watching this program. Sounds entertaining,” Jun chanced.

Mao tilted her head a bit. “My kids would never deny an audience.”

Jun gave a light chuckle. He doesn't doubt that.

“How about you? How was your drive?” She gave a tentative smile.

Jun's eyes went to her. She gave a small frown. Something about the way he was looking at her... It's as if there was something he couldn't wait to share with her... She wondered what it is... What happened to him out there? It's as if it changed something in him... And somehow she liked seeing this change...

“It was just what I needed.”

“Where did you go?”

“It's a bit of a drive from here. But it's worth the effort. If you want, I can take you there next time.”

Mao gave a bemused smile. From the way he talks, he makes it sound like it's some sort of magical place. When she pointed this out to him, he gave a smile.

“You can say that.”

Mao looked a bit bewildered. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“I got some beans to prove it. Though I don't know if they really have magic in them.” He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen door.

And only then did Mao see the overwhelming bags of beansprouts almost covering the entire floor leading to the kitchen. Her mouth dropped and she looked to Jun, clearly wanting to know what it was all about. Jun was chuckling at the expression on her face.

“I came across this obaasan selling a cartload. I asked her if she was okay. She looked like she didn't feel too well but she said she couldn't go home without at least selling a few. So I just bought everything. She looked like she really needed to take a rest.”

Mao's mouth was still slightly agape. Her eyes went to the beansprouts and back to Jun again. She then let out a laugh, her shoulders shaking. The image of Jun trying to cart beansprouts back to his sleek sedan was just too much. Jun looked taken aback for a second. He never thought he'd see her laugh this whole-heartedly in front of him again. And it was infectious. Unable to help joining in.

The kitchen seemed so familiar again.

With everything that's happened, he never would have thought he could feel this way in this kitchen ever again.

Maybe that place really had magic.

A noise from the door broke the moment. One of his men, apologizing for the sudden intrusion, was trying not to step on the beansprouts and lost a bit of his balance as he entered the room. He was carrying two large take-out bags. A second guard followed him in, carrying similar large bags. And Mao's expression suddenly changed. Jun, unaware of her reaction, was asking what was with the take-outs.

“I already texted Aiba not to have anymore take-outs tonight,” Mao explained, carefully averting her eyes as the two guards placed the bags on the countertop.

“He probably wants these for midnight snacks,” Jun guessed, peeking in the bags.

“Yeah...,” Mao said, noncommittally.

She couldn't help it and raised her eyes towards him. Their gazes met. Pi's eyes swept from her to Jun, to the dinner setting in front of them and then back to her once more. A third guard suddenly came in with a big bucket of fried chicken.

“Huh,”was all Jun could say.

The three bowed their heads and started to file out the room. Pi catching her gaze again as they moved. She couldn't seem to make herself look away. It's been days since she last saw him. Aiba was never going to make him go back to her detail, she was sure of it. But maybe it's for the best... After the incident at Ninomiya's... She didn't know what to do... What to think...

He was still just a stranger...

But try as she might not to admit it...

He was one she couldn't help look for...

“What do you think will happen when we tell him the fried chickens' gone missing?” Jun wondered out loud, pointing to the bucket.

Mao seemed to compose herself. The guards had all left the room with Pi taking a last glance at her before disappearing. The bemused smile was back on her lips.

“What's gotten into you today?”

She wasn't saying it was bad, but Jun seemed more loose right now. As if a big burden has just been lifted off him. She didn't not like it. But she was curious as to how it happened. Jun opened his mouth and then closed it. As if suddenly deciding it wasn't the right time to reveal anything.

Jun knew it wasn't the right time. With Ohno's condition still unclear, with Aiba still helping him handle things, he can't tell her of his plans just yet... Until he was absolutely sure, until everything is exactly in order... He didn't want to take chances in dashing any hope that might come from his decision.

He'll find the right moment to tell her.

And when he does, he prayed that everything will be just like he hoped for... Until that day comes... They still have the kinds of moments right now to live for... And maybe these moments will come much easier now...

Just like today...

“Don't worry. I'll take you there soon and you'll know,” was all he said. Just thinking of the possibilities... he couldn't help but feel like things were going to be okay...

Mao seemed a bit weirded out at his attempt on being all mysterious. They both looked at each other. In just a blink, something has changed. Both was somehow feeling in awe at what's happening right then and there.

They'll get there...

He'll take them there...

Soon...