“I can’t decide.”
Mao straightened up from the counter and looked at the cause of her dilemma. To her left is the cutest and most adorable ball of orange fur, aiming at her a particularly silly signature look of his. She gave the glass a little tap and he went on to take a drink of water. The kids will probably squeeze the lovable hamster as much as they want. He’d be a big hit with the girls.
A smile appeared on her lips.
To her right is a strong contender. A turtle, that’s right now hiding inside his shell. She watched as he peeked out and tentatively pushed his legs out. She’d seen a little kid trying to play with him. But he never came out of his shell. She had stepped up when the kid lost patience and went to find a more accommodating pet. He had taken a few slow steps and as if realizing someone was there he was back in his shell. She found it adorable somehow. Such a shy turtle. She wonders if the kids can help him come out of his shell more.
Mao rubbed her chin in thought. If only she can ask a second opinion. Her eyes slanted towards Yamashita who was standing a few feet away, looking preoccupied yet again about something. Grimmer than usual. She’d already noticed it last night but today… Something was bothering him for sure. Her eyes stayed on him a while more.
No. He’d be no help.
“How about asking him for a second opinion?” the girl behind the counter suggested with a smile. Mao noticed the appreciative look she gave Yamashita. She didn’t think she, the customer, is her number one priority right now. She tried to hide her amusement.
“Excuse me?” The girl called to Yamashita when he didn’t respond.
His head snapped up and looked to them. The girl looked like she was blushing when Yamashita’s eyes went to her. He seemed oblivious at how she was sort of in awe of him. Ah, high school girls.
“Maybe you can help us in deciding,” the girl flashed him a cute smile.
Mao gave an inward sigh and gestured to the two pets. Unsure if he even knows what’s going on. He’s been absently tailing her around the store.
Pi gave a slight frown and then said, “Get the turtle. It will live longer.”
Both pairs of eyes widened a bit at that. Mao gave him a look.
“That’s a really different way of approaching it,” the girl offered tentatively.
“It’s stupid.”
Pi’s eyes went to Mao.
“I’ll be getting him.” She pointed at the orange ball. The girl gave a nod.
“What’s stupid is the whole idea of getting a pet for those kids. But if you want to be a bit less stupid, get something that will last longer.”
Mao turned to him with a look of disbelief. She didn’t know why but his constant brooding and this wanting to suck the life out of everything approach of his was really getting annoying. She doesn’t need that kind of negativity around her, given her situation.
“I don’t agree with that. Having a pet is one of the best things these kids can experience. They’ll learn a lot and it will make them happy.”
“I’m just saying get something that won’t be gone in less than two years,” Pi’s eyes went to the hamster. “Don’t you think they’ve gone through enough?”
Mao understands what he’s saying but she can’t agree on how he’s looking at the situation. Admittedly, she’s a little surprised he’s thinking of how it will affect the kids. She’s always thought of him as the unfeeling type. Things perhaps are hitting close to home? But she cast the thoughts aside, feeling like she needs to argue about this and shed some light for him.
“You said so yourself this little guy might not be able to make it in more than two years. So I’m going to give him a fulfilling life surrounded by kids who’s going to take care of him everyday for the rest of his life.”
“And after it’s gone?”
“He’s given something to the kids too. That counts for something, right? It might lead to hurt but it’s still worth it in the end. And you underestimate them. They’re much stronger than we think.”
“No, they aren’t.”
Mao’s eyes met his. He immediately looked away, his jaw tightening.
“Why are you so mad?” she asked, her voice unusually softer. This was more than a bad experience with a pet.
His body stiffened slightly and he didn’t look at her.
“Sucks for the turtle,” was all he said.
The girl then offered the price for the hamster before Mao could react. She looked weirded out at the sudden argument the two had exchanged. Mao handed over the money as her eyes followed the container holding the turtle when another staff had collected it.
She was leaning towards getting both pets really. But what Yamashita said kind of got to her. Why did she have to prove a point to him? When she knows he’s not going to take it.
And maybe she overreacted. It sounded like she was the callous one, letting the kids suffer the hurt of the inevitable. But she knew they can understand. And it’s sad that some of them do at their age. They know what the world can give them. But she’s not going to deny them the joy they can have just because it’s not going to be okay down the road. That’s not how you live. There’s still much good in life… Little things still remind her of that, no matter what she’s going through. It’s what’s helping her at some point.
And maybe it’s something he needs to understand as well…
She stole a glance at him as he went to the counter and picked up the new pet, gave a mental shake of her head and started to head out.
It’s got nothing to do with her really…
**
Mao started walking up the steps but turned around at the voice of one of her guards. She looked back to see he was knocking on the window on the passenger side. Yamashita looked like he just came out of a trance, stared for another second at the front doors and finally stepped out the car. Holding the new addition to the orphanage in his hands.
He’s acting really odd. What was that in his eyes? Apprehension maybe? He looked like he didn’t want to step in. Her eyes then followed where he had his gaze fixed. The large tree close to the gates.
“Yamashita! We have to get going.”
Both of them snapped out. She got a hold of herself and hurried forward. It was no concern of hers. She could hear them following her close behind. She chanced another glance back. Yamashita looked like he was holding his breath, his eyes taking in everything as they walked through the halls leading to the lounge. Curiosity started seeping in.
“Mao mao chong?” She heard as soon as she stepped into the room.
Mao pretended to have a look of exasperation at that and gave a grin. “Jie!”
Gui Lun Mei gave a laugh as she came towards her. Mao had mentioned to her she knows of another jie who likes to use that pet name for her as well. Mei had joked that time she always thought she was being original. Mao waved to the other teachers and volunteers in the room. The warm atmosphere around she had sorely missed.
Mei grabbed her hand tight. They walked towards her desk. “I’m so glad you finally came. We missed you! The kids are giving me quite a work-out always asking about you.”
“Aww… Is that jealousy I hear, Jie?” Mao teased, stopping at her desk.
“Am I that obvious?” Mei kidded. “You’re their favourite, I know. But I have my own class.”
Mei stuck her tongue out and Mao made a face. Both women laughed at that. She really felt at her most natural here… Mei then belatedly noticed that one of Mao’s guards had followed her in.
“Xin ren? (New guy?)” Mei asked with a smile at Mao.
Mao looked to Yamashita. “Guai ren. (Weird guy.)”
Pi gave a frown at the smirk on Mao’s lips and Mei’s quizzical smile, observing him. He never did have a chance to learn Mandarin. But he wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not really sugar-coating anything when it comes to him.
They switched back to Japanese. The woman asking about him can speak fluently though it was obvious it wasn’t her first language. She looked animated as she relayed some events that have happened in the past days. Her cheerfulness was infectious, evident in the way she made the one who he hasn’t seen smile whole-heartedly display a liveliness that’s long been absent. A woman without affectation; a trait both women seem to share. Anyone seeing the two in front of them would most likely be left in awe. Two natural beauties, not a clue to what charms they have.
Pi shifted his gaze. To normal people that is. He’s not really what you would call normal.
“Remember the trip you suggested before?” Mei grinned, unable to contain the excitement in her voice. “Well, everyone agrees it will be great for the kids. So since you’re back, we can go ahead with it.”
Mao’s eyes lit up. Even though her dad had been the one responsible for keeping the orphanage open, and now Jun, she still felt it was appropriate to have the heads decide on some of her proposed plans with regards to the kids. And she was glad they approved. A change of environment once in a while was what they needed. What they all needed.
“They had been pretty excited about it. It’s all they could talk about. On and on and on…,” Mei made a face like she had enough of that but Mao knew she was excited for them as well.
“As if I believe that act, you little softie,” Mao rolled her eyes and grinned. Mei returned it. “You shouldn’t have let the kids wait as soon as they gave the green light.”
“Of course there’s no way they’d want to go without you.”
She felt that tug in her heart. Getting all warmed up but a little guilt got mixed in there. “Aawww…”
“Yeah,” Mei gave a nod. “That’s why I see you’ve prepared a little bribe coz you know you won’t hear the end of it.”
“He can give me a little protection. But really, I’ve been thinking of giving them a pet for a while now.”
“He is cute,” Mei stepped closer and peeked at him. He sniffed the air with his twitchy nose. “Could be worth the trouble the kids went through.”
Mao gave a smile. She hoped so. Because the trouble that happened when trying to get him that first time had been too much. Fortunately, there was no ambush attack in sight this time.
“Where are you headed off to?” Mao asked as Mei straightened up and turned to her. She’s informed her she was taking the rest of the day off.
“Lun’s coming over to pick me up. He’s been hinting at a surprise all week. And today, I’m going to find out,” Mei grinned, all excited, still trying to guess what it could be.
“He’s coming here?” Mao’s ears slightly perked up.
Mei made a face. “It’s only Lun.”
Mao snickered. “You know I love seeing you two together. So cute.”
“What’s so cute about an old couple?”
Her lips were saying that but Mao could see the hint of sweetness in her face as she thinks of her husband. A small smile appeared on Mao’s lips. She wasn’t kidding when she said she loved seeing the two together. They gave her a sense of comfort in some small way. Just a simple couple trying to build a life together, failing in some ways but when you look at them, you just would never guess they had any problems. A reminder that there is still a place in the world for something as beautiful and pure as what they have.
Even though it was also a reminder of what will never be hers… Still, that slight pang in her heart was worth seeing them…
She was happy that at least her jie was living the life she’s always wanted…
For both of them…
It wasn’t perfect… But it was still their own world…
Mei had always loved children and becoming a teacher was the most natural thing. Any child can just bloom under her care. A combination of gentleness and playfulness makes her the favourite among kids almost all the time. With her, the classroom is always an adventure. Though teaching never gave her a more comfortable life, she wouldn’t really trade it for anything in the world.
She was awarded a teaching scholarship in Japan since there had been a decline in teachers then. She was hesitant in leaving her kids at first but she’s needed more elsewhere. And her parents supported it; it might bring in more opportunities. So after tearful goodbyes and endless photos, she was headed for her new life. A new experience wouldn’t be so bad when she thought about it.
She had instantly settled into her new environment. Learning the language wasn’t that hard. She’s studied it for a short period in Taiwan. And the interesting people, places, food and sometimes the mishaps made it impossible not to love Japan. She’s never really dreamed big; has always been a simple girl. The thought of going out of Taiwan had never even crossed her mind. Funny how things work out… Now that she’s here… maybe here is her place after all; she had thought this more than once.
The day she met Lun solidified that thought.
She and a few friends had gone out for the night. The bar they went to features a few unknown musicians. Great and undiscovered musicians waiting for their time in the limelight. She’s been enjoying the music but it wasn’t long till one of her friends was nudging her, telling her she’s caught someone’s eye. She followed where her friend was discreetly pointing and met the eyes of one of the musicians. He proceeded to pretend to tune up his guitar and stole another look at her. She paid no more attention to him, just taking in the music.
Her admirer had a different plan though. It was his turn on the stage. Her friends weren’t really subtle and were the most boisterous when he went up; cheering and teasing them both. She was telling them to stop; it was embarrassing. But as soon as he started playing, her full attention turned to him. He started singing in Mandarin, the whole while his eyes not leaving their table. He was good. Really good. Holding the attention of the crowd with a Mandarin song was no easy task. But he did it. His music had a sort of pull.
Their table was the loudest once again when he finished his song. She didn’t know how it happened, but after his performance, he found his way to their table, his seat beside hers. Thanks to her friends’ invitation.
She didn’t mind though. She didn’t hate him but she didn’t like him either. And amidst the teasing of her friends, they introduced themselves to each other.
“What’s your name?”
“Gui Lun Mei.”
“Zhou Jie Lun.” He stuck out a hand.
The awkwardness between them at first was cleared when they found a common ground. It felt refreshing to be able to talk to someone about Taiwan again. Though Lun had come back to his birthplace after high school, still he had a lot of fond memories there. She loves Japan but it couldn’t be helped that she misses home. And she was pretty glad to have Lun remind her of that feeling again.
She’s noticed they were frequenting the bar more often now. Almost every single night in fact. But she wasn’t complaining. She found out she liked spending time with Lun. It wasn’t long before they were text messaging or calling each other. And then started hanging out, just the two of them, for the most part.
They were having a sort of picnic in the park as he played for her. And as afternoon wore on, they lay on the blanket sharing their dreams. She’d listen to Lun as he pictures the future he wants.
Music had always been his first love. But it was something his father had never understood and never approved of. He expects his only son to follow in his footsteps. The business he’d built with his own hands will be handed over to him. But it just wasn’t in his heart.
He’d left home after another one of their big fights. His father had told him never to go back until he wakes up to reality. And it pushed him further to prove to him it wasn’t some useless dream. But reality wasn’t cooperating. Till now he hasn’t been able to prove anything, just barely living by the money he earns from small clubs and bars. But he’s doing what he loves. He’d always remind himself of that and his drive would be renewed once more. No matter how long it takes, he won’t give up on his dream. He’ll make his father see…. Because in the end, he still wants him to see his son isn’t useless… That he can be proud of him too…
“Don’t you miss your family?” Mei quietly asked.
Compared to Lun, her dreams were much simpler. Living each day as fully as possible. She tends to live for the present than setting her sights too much into the future. And it was this part she can’t understand. How can he stand not seeing his family when he knows they’re just close by? All those years they’ve missed spending with each other… Though she keeps it to herself. Because she can’t understand what he’s going through. And so, she’ll just be here, supporting him. That’s what she’ll always be doing.
Lun gave a sad smile. “I do. I miss them. But I’m too much of a coward to go back without showing them what I’m capable of. So I just call them and hang up as soon as I hear their voices. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve done that.”
He gave a light chuckle, trying to hide the emotions. Mei turned to him. He met her eyes.
“You must think I’m pathetic.”
“No, I don’t,” she said after a while.
“Did you have to think about it?”
“Of course,” she said seriously.
Lun gave a smirk, knowing she was teasing.
“They probably figured out it’s you though… And maybe what you can show them isn’t important anymore… They just need you home…”
Lun remained silent. He didn’t want to do this to them. Knew he was hurting them more and more. But he can’t go home just yet…
“I have a strong feeling I’ll be home soon.”
“Why’s that?”
“You’re my inspiration now,” he grinned at her.
Mei gave a frown. “Did I say I’m allowing it?”
It was his turn to frown. “What? You’re not?”
Mei turned towards the sky again, trying to stop the smile from appearing on her lips. Lun gave an amused grin; inched a little bit closer to her and together they enjoyed the afternoon sky.
Time seemed to go by faster as they spent every minute together. From movies to scouring music stores for vintage records to the bookstore where he stole their first kiss from her; every memory enveloped in contentment. Before they knew it, a year had passed by. She didn’t think life could get any better than this.
At least that’s what she thought.
They were sitting beside the glass windows of a coffee shop late in the evening. Steaming cups of hot chocolate in front of them. Mei picked her cup up and blew on the beverage. She took a sip and then smacked her lips as the warmth spread through her. Lun had a small soft smile on his face as he observed her. Mei put her cup down and caught his gaze. A puzzled look appeared and she gave a smile.
“What’s with the funny face?”
For some reason, his heart started pounding faster and faster. His hands sweating as she asked him again what was up. But he was never surer about the next words that came out his lips.
“Let’s get married.”
Mei stared at him, trying to let those words sink in. Lun waited; his expression hopeful. And then started getting nervous as she still said nothing and looked out the window at the falling snow. No clue to what she could be thinking.
“You’re not going to sing at our wedding, are you?”
Lun wasn’t able to react for a moment and then a smile swept his lips, his heart still thumping. “Of course I am.”
“Ugh.” His number one fan rolled her eyes. But the shadow of a giddy smile played on her lips.
Lun gave a smirk, stood up, pulled his chair beside hers, and sat down, his arms going around her shoulders, giving a contented sigh as Mei leaned on him and nuzzled his neck.
She was wrong. Life for her just got better.
Their wedding had been at a small chapel. Her parents and a few close friends joined them, witnessing their love. But Lun’s family… He chose not to invite them… Though they still had the next time… To make amends… She still held hope for that… And she was sure Lun did too…
Mao had met them a year after that. Mei had found her way to the orphanage, answering an ad for teachers needed. She had been an instant hit with the kids but when Mao came in she had serious competition. It was what she had joked to her when she helped out in the art department. They became instant friends; not surprising because of their personalities. And when she met Lun that time he came by with a bento for her jie, she had fallen in love with the couple. She didn’t hesitate in letting Mei know that, to which Mei was a little disbelieving since she had seen Jun and her a couple of times; the few times he came to visit her. And when they were together, their connection just makes her all gooey inside.
“Don’t steal my line,” Mao accused.
“What’s with that yucky look on your face everytime I mention you and Jun, huh?” Mei teased.
“As if you don’t have the same look when I talk about you and Lun Ge,” Mao smirked.
But those times can’t be seen now…
Mei had noticed the subtle change with her when it came to Jun. No longer could she see that look she’d always have at the mention of Jun. Instead she’d try so hard to mask the emotion. She hoped she was just seeing things. Because the pain she tries not to show was making her heart twinge. Maybe they were just on a rocky patch right now. They’d work things out, was what she would always think.
Mao was careful from the start in not letting her jie into her world too much. She knows, of course, who Jun is. But her love for kids didn’t stop her from working in the orphanage. She was only familiar with their relationship and knows how deep their feelings ran for each other. But that was it. Mao didn’t want any of her world touching her jie’s life. This way, somehow, at least a part of her could be free from that…
“It’s a good thing he’d back to his old self this time around,” Mei mentioned lightly.
“Why?”
“I see him being so stressed out the past couple of months. He tries to hide it but I just know,” Mei confided. She knew it was about the fact that nothing’s happening with any of his plans. He’d apologize for not giving her a better life. It’s gotten worse after they were married. And she’d always tell him off, saying she’d have no other if it isn’t this. Though she knew he’d still be beating himself up no matter what encouragement she gives him.
“Just think of his surprise for you,” Mao suggested, not wanting to see her jie so worried.
“Yeah…,” Mei gave a smile.
A knock from the door got their attention. Lun gave a wave as he stepped in. The big smile on his face no one missed. It must be quite a surprise.
“Hey, Mao! It’s been a while!” He stopped beside Mei.
“Ge!” Mao greeted. She missed them too.
“Don’t call me that,” Lun said for the nth time, feeling a bit embarrassed since technically Mei works for them.
“You’re old so she is just being respectful,” Mei offered.
“I’m old-er. Not old! There’s a difference.”
“Besides, there’s no use arguing with her about that.” Mei knew Mao liked this arrangement better.
“Ye ye (Ojii-chan), Nai nai(Obaa-chan). Man zou!(Bye then!)” Mao teased them. She knew how excited Mei was about this surprise.
“He’s the one who’s old!”
Lun rolled his eyes. “Are you ready to go?”
“You’re the one who’s late.”
“We’ll catch up next time, Mao.”
They waved goodbye to her as they continued to bicker. Mao had an amused expression, her eyes on them. It turned melancholy as the couple stepped out of the room, with the wife planting a bop on the husband’s head.
All the while Pi was observing the way she was looking at the two.
There was something familiar about that longing she has… How come he can understand what it was…? That-
The hamster suddenly bumping into the glass distracted him. He looked down at it, thankful for its clumsiness. Or else he wouldn’t want to know what asinine conclusion he’ll be coming up with the next moment.
This place…
He shouldn’t be here… Really shouldn’t…
**
“Let’s name him Taro!”
“Taro? That’s a stupid name.”
“Yuki, don’t be rude.”
“How about Naruto, since he’s orange.”
“That’s more-“
“Yuki, what did I just say?”
“Can I eat him?”
“No, Ami, you can’t do that. He’s so cute, why would you want to eat him?”
“Josephine!”
“It’s a he, okay? A he!”
“No, Ami, you can’t eat him.”
“Hammy!”
“What?”
“Kids-“ Mao started.
But each was still shouting out their ideas for names. It was hard to hear oneself think in all the noise.
“Kids! Kids! How about Meatball, huh?” Mao settled them down. The sudden inspiration just came to her. And it would help them start the class soon.
The kids cheered at that and crowded tighter around the new member. Mao gave a satisfied smile as they started bickering about the tasks they want to do for Meatball. She was right; the kids had completely abandoned their questions about her as soon as she produced their newest pet.
“So can I eat him now?” Ami asked once more, pulling on her top.
Before Mao could give her answer, Yuki stepped in.
“You wouldn’t want our friends to be sad, right? Let’s keep Meatball safe, okay?”
Ami thought about it and then gave a nod. She then went to join the other kids. Mao smiled down at Yuki and ruffled his hair.
“You’re doing a great job taking care of Ami. I’m really proud of you.”
“So then we should have lunch together,” Yuki said so confidently. “You still haven’t told me why you were gone so long.”
Mao gave a laugh and squatted down. You can never put anything past him, really. “That’s so sweet.”
She chose not to acknowledge the comment about her absence.
“I’m serious here.” He looked a little hurt.
“I’ll share my jello with you during snack break, how about that?” She humoured him.
Yuki gave a pout. “Well, at least it’s progress. You should forget about Matsumoto.”
Mao gave a bemused smile. She would usually tell him not to be disrespectful and to stop calling him Matsumoto. Instead she just ruffled his hair once more and told him to join the others.
She gave an inward sigh and stood up to prepare their materials for the day, not noticing Pi was standing by the door, taking in what was happening inside.
His eyes went to her, taking out the clay containers out of the cabinet. A couple of the girls had appeared at her side and she gave a sweet smile as they lent helping hands. Some of the boys too wanted to help. Most others were still distracted by Meatball. The boys dropped the containers all over the floor though. Mao gave a kind laugh, chiding them affectionately.
As was usual, he couldn’t seem to look away. Somehow, he wanted to stay in her presence, surrounded by the excited, laughing kids… Because it seems so real… And maybe it can erase the-
“What are you looking at?”
Pi looked around, finding the source of the slightly irritated voice at his side. It was one of the kids who looked in control of everyone in his class. He noticed the backpack he was carrying.
“Stop looking.” He was very demanding.
“Looking at what?”
“I saw you. You were looking at Sensei and I’ll have you know she already belongs with someone else.”
Oh. Is he a Matsumoto groupie?
“You mean Matsumoto?” Pi gave a sardonic smirk.
“No.” The kid’s voice indicated that was the most stupid thing he’s ever heard. He crossed his arms across his chest. “You’re looking at him.”
Pi regarded him silently.
“That look of disbelief isn’t going to beat me down. So, you, don’t get any ideas,” he issued his warning.
“You’re full of confidence for someone so s-“
“If you say small, I swear I’ll knock the heck out of you.” He gave a scowl.
Pi gave another smirk. Tough kid. “I wasn’t even looking at her.”
They both know how glaringly obvious that lie was. Pi remained expressionless.
“You’re really good-looking,” Yuki observed, rubbing his chin. Well, not like he’s feeling threatened or anything but he’s already had it with Matsumoto being around Sensei. And now this guy seems to want to get in the picture as well. No way was that happening.
Pi didn’t think much of that remark.
“So stay away. Okay? Thank you!” He finished sarcastically.
“You shouldn’t be threatened by anyone if you’re confident of your chances with her, right?”
“Yuki!” Their eyes went to Mao who was beckoning him over, a mild quizzical frown on her brow. The class is about to start soon.
Yuki narrowed his eyes at the smirk on Pi’s lips. “Go away.”
He watched, slightly amused as the kid went to his table; noticing he still didn’t take his backpack off when he was in his seat. Mao started talking to the class and it was his cue to leave. He took a step back after one last look at the cheerful faces around. He turned to his right and started down the hall.
His slow steps took him past rows of drawings on the walls. Making the hall colourful and bright. Every drawing spoke of a child’s heart. He stopped at one of a yellow elephant on a rocket ship, looking like it was having the time of its life. He started walking again. A couple of kids almost ran into him, laughing, as they headed for their classroom at the end. He glanced back. More laughter and cheers came from another room.
It was different. Too different from what he remembers…
Which was why the moment he heard they were coming here today… He knew he’s lost himself on more than one occasion. So much time had passed since he’s last been here… But somehow the place still had that effect on him…
He knew it still existed. Knew it was still open. But he didn’t have to come so close to it, much less do a little revisiting…
The unwanted memories then came rushing back…
What he knew were dark, desolate halls that he walked through everyday, with the walls and floors peeling off and cracking. No vibrant colours on them; instead punished kids, crying, stood in line. The cheers and laughter were the screams and wails of kids wanting to go home. Running down the hall only meant bullies or fights later regretted. Guardians were cold and overly strict.
Looking around now, it was like that place in his past never existed…
He stopped in his tracks. Almost missing the front entrance to his left; too lost in his thoughts. Stepping out, he gave a nod in greeting to the guards. He took a deep breath, not realizing he had been holding it inside. His attention then turned towards a few of the older kids playing with a soccer ball close to the gates. His eyes clouded when he saw the tree again.
No… This place will always be a part of his hell…
His feet took him down the steps, purposely making his way towards the tree. Somehow the pull of memories was too hard to fight.
He stopped under it and looked up, hesitantly. He gave a swallow. The tightening around his throat became more pronounced as the images flowed in like it was just yesterday…
“You’re being called to the office for fighting.”
He ignored the small voice coming from below and settled deeper into the place he found up the tree. He found it to be calming; somehow it felt like he was a world away from here. It was a place where he can pretend his life was still the way it had been. And so he’d always be way up.
“You’ll be sorry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He heard the footsteps going away. He knew what punishment lies for him for fighting, but he didn’t really care. Ever since he came in, he went on not caring about anything. He had always been minding his own business. Never did he ever try to make friends. The other kids were wary of him now; after repeated attempts in trying to help him fit in, they gave up in the end. He didn’t need them. He wasn’t asking for any help. And so he was left alone. It’s what he wanted.
And so, when he’d hit that big kid, it was a big surprise to everyone. He was normally so quiet. But that bully had it coming. He’d endured him, ever since he came in here. But today, it was just too much. The mention of his parents… He shifted in his position. Feeling the cut on his lips.
The emotions threatening to spill again. The frustrations brimming once more. He tried to leave it behind. Tried to…
Why does he have to be here? Just why?
His eyes grew dark as he stared ahead.
“Nii-chan, you shouldn’t have done that.” He heard another voice form below.
“That kid needed to be taught a lesson. No one bullies you.”
He peeked out and saw the two inseparable brothers who’ve been in before him. The Nishikido brothers. He never knew their story. Then again, he never really cared to find out. But everyone knows that the older one, Kenichi, had always been protective of his younger brother, who seemed to be about the same age as he is. Most know not to mess with him. He was the type who’d go to any lengths, not really thinking much of the consequences. But some bullies just can’t help themselves.
“You know he’s going to always come after you now.”
“Don’t worry about it, Ryo. Today, we’re getting out of here.”
His kid brother had a look of disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Remember that gentleman that’s been coming around before?”
“Yeah… But it’s been months since we last saw him.”
“I got a call from him. He’s coming to take us out today.”
“What did he want?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s not taking us out just because he loves us, right? So what did he want?” He knew the gentleman had observed the way his brother gets in and out of trouble easier than one can blink. Owing to the fact, his brother tried to swipe his wallet the first time he came to visit with a friend of his. After that, he seemed determined to make better use of him.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? We’re getting out of here. You don’t have to think about anything else,” Kenichi sort of snapped.
Ryo remained silent. He doesn’t like upsetting his Nii-chan. Kenichi regretted his sudden outburst. It’s just that he didn’t like admitting to Ryo the truth behind this arrangement. Anything to get them out of here he was willing to do. And he knew Ryo wouldn’t approve.
“He’s here,” Kenichi suddenly said. A black sedan passed through the gates. “Come on.”
Ryo remained where he was, still looking at the ground. Kenichi pulled his arm but he resisted.
“Ryo… Don’t do this. We can’t stay here.”
“Nii-chan, I… I don’t know…,” Ryo’s soft voice came. His eyes on the sedan that had pulled over and a distinguished gentleman had stepped out, one of his men holding the door for him… Something just isn’t right with them.
“Please... We don’t have a future here. That man can help us. You have a lot you want to do, right? Let’s help each other out here,” Kenichi reasoned some more with him. He was determined to build a life for his younger brother.
Ryo was torn. It seemed to mean everything to his brother to be out of here… He wanted that too, although… But he always does what his brother wants. He is his big brother, right? He knows what he is doing.
Even though he wasn’t quite sure about that, his feet moved. Kenichi’s face broke into a relieved smile and together they went towards what could be a future…
Pi watched as the two brothers were met by the gentleman. Would they really turn out okay? Who knows? But at least they found someone who wanted them… Who will take care of them… They had gone inside the car. The man was about to follow when-
“Mr. Matsumoto! Oh, Mr. Matsumoto!”
Pi suddenly straightened up, feeling as if a bucket of ice was poured onto his back. His eyes widening.
“Why don’t you come in for a while?” One of the orphanage heads had come out to kiss ass.
Matsumoto… Matsumoto… He can’t forget that name. Is it the same Matsumoto…?
One of the men stepped up to stop the woman that was coming on too strongly. Pi’s eyes caught something inside his suit.
“I still have a lot to do. Maybe some other time,” Matsumoto Kousaku kindly declined.
“Oh, okay. Thank you then for your generosity towards our humble establishment and-“
“Yes, yes, but thank my partner, Inoue Toshiro, mostly for that. Have a good day, ma’am.” Matsumoto gave a smile and stepped inside the car.
“Take care of those two lovely kids then.” She gave another smile and waved.
The car started to move and Pi was jerked awake. He scrambled down the tree, scraping his knees in the process but he never felt the pain. He fell to the ground and immediately got to his feet. A pounding was in his ears as he ran with all his might to reach the car.
They can’t go. They can’t!
The car was now outside the gates. He pushed forward, feeling the frustrated tears in his eyes. He ignored the calls of the lady and ran out.
But it was too late… Too late…
He fell to the ground, gulping in the air, watching the car go. Watching his parents’ killer go… So helplessly; it weakened him… What could he have done though…? What…?
The voices of the two policemen echoed again in his mind…
He was waiting, dazed in one of the offices, waiting for someone from child services that’s going to take care of him. That’s what they were saying. He still had his fists clenched; the memory of his house burning down before his eyes still so fresh. The explosion still ringing in his ears.
The door had been left ajar and the conversation had drifted in…
“So Matsumoto’s getting off the hook again? That bastard…”
“We still have no evidence pointing to him though.”
“Oh, come on. Aoki was going to testify against him. Against his group. Are you telling me you don’t think he’d make sure that doesn’t happen?”
The other guy seemed to agree silently. “That Matsumoto Kousaku is one cold son of a bitch. Aoki’s son though… What’s going to happen to him?”
“Yeah… Poor kid. I can’t believe-“
He didn’t know the rest of the conversation when they took it elsewhere. But there was a new ringing in his ears then as he heard the name of the one responsible for taking everything away from him. It was branded into his mind… But what could a ten year old kid accomplish?
He was pulled roughly to his feet. One of the supposed guardians had been called to take him back in. His unusually steady eyes went to him. Like nothing really mattered anymore.
“What the heck are you doing? You’re not allowed to step out the gates!” He dragged him back inside, not caring if he was hurting him.
“You got him?” Another supposed guardian had asked. “If you want out of here that much, you’re just in luck. Someone’s going to take you in.”
Pi looked up at the cold smile she gave him when he was handed over to her. He followed her, heading towards the man standing by the front doors, waiting for them. He had one of those gentle smiles… One that you don’t see in this place. But all he could do was look at him blankly. Still not recovering from the previous blow.
Is he really going to take him away from here…?
Cheering kids jolted him out of his thoughts. His eyes had been on the gates this whole while. He absently rolled his shoulders. Then lifted a hand up and rubbed his face lightly. He stood rooted to that spot. The memories seem to be draining him… If only he can escape them… But he wasn’t a kid anymore. He can’t just climb a tree and pretend everything isn’t real.
He jammed his hands into his pockets and stared ahead. Yes, he wasn’t that kid anymore. That kid who fate had played a cruel joke on when the one place they put him in was actually run by the very people that took away his family… That kid who can’t do anything about the way his life had turned out…
The chance to face Matsumoto again after his first encounter with him may have been taken away from him, but as soon as he got out of this place, the hunger to find out everything about the cold-blooded killer was so strong; he was willing to wait… Wait for the right time he can finally get back at fate…
For letting him know only of darkness in his life. Because try as he might… The memories before his ten year old self was so hazy… Sometimes making him doubt they were even real in the first place…
He rolled his shoulders once more.
All that’s left for him was that broken ten year old child… Who should never have faced the horrors that awaited him then…
Only darkness…
There would only be darkness for him…
**
“Ami, no, you can’t eat that.” Mao stopped her from putting the clay into her mouth. She gave a bemused smile as a pout appeared on Ami’s lips. She indicated Yuki to keep an eye on her. Yuki gave her the thumbs up sign. She gave a nod and continued to walk around the tables, checking on the works of each of her kids.
“For the tail, you can do it like this…” One of the dinosaurs needed help.
Giggling and laughing surrounded her as the kids enjoyed bringing their imaginations to life. Mao gave a smile, but something suddenly demanded her attention.
“Akira, put Meatball back,” Mao called out, giving him what she hoped was a stern look. Akira produced him out of his jacket and glumly went to put the fur ball back.
She shook her head lightly, smiling, and started to go around again. Her eyes went to the windows. Their classroom looked out the front grounds of the orphanage. She was about to turn back to the kids when a solitary figure, standing under the tree made her stop. It was Yamashita. He was staring at the gates, unmoving.
Something stirred inside her heart.
Somehow she can sense that they were alike… Like a deep hurt was tearing at him too… She watched as his shoulders drooped, his hands jammed inside his pockets, as if trying to find something in the distance… His lonely profile spoke to her... Making it impossible for her to look the other way anymore…
But knowing him… It’s going to be useless, no matter what she tries to do… And why would she want to do anything anyway…? But then again, she knows what damages that hurt can inflict a person…
Whether she likes it or not… they probably had a level of understanding… It’s what’s drawing her to him… She was looking for someone to help maybe… Because then, that feeling of helplessness she has for herself she could forget for a while…
“Sensei, this is for you.”
She turned to see Yuki holding a rose made of clay, a proud smile lighting his face up. Mao returned the smile and took the flower as his classmates told him to stop sucking up. He stuck his tongue out at them and told them to continue working. Mao chuckled, suggesting they go back to concentrating.
Yuki gave a little smirk. Mao looked to him. An idea suddenly came to her.
“Yuki…,” she seemed hesitant at first. “Can you do something for me?”
**
“Yo.”
Pi looked to his right and saw that cocky little kid walking towards him, his hands on the straps of his backpack. He looked like coming out here was not really his idea. He gave a huff, stopping beside this sight for sore eyes.
Pi gave a frown. “What are you doing here?”
“That’s what I’m asking myself too.”
Pi gave him a look. He was reluctantly amused by the kid once more. He’s got spirit. Yuki looked up at him with a sort of accusing stare.
“I told you to go away, didn’t I? What are you doing prancing around out here?”
Prance? He doesn’t prance. “I was nowhere near your classroom.”
“Yeah, right but you’re just out here where Sensei can see you through the window.” He gave a jerk with his thumb. “What’s the big idea?”
Pi’s lips quirked. “Kid, you have nothing to worry about. Your sensei… Let’s just say she won’t give me the time of day with you around.”
He decided to humour him. He wouldn’t say he wasn’t glad for the distraction he offered.
“Really? Then why would she ask me to give you this?”
Yuki pulled Pi’s hand, palm out and slapped something onto it, still looking cross. Pi stared for a while. His emotions a little crazy and confused right now. His fingers closed on it; his hand falling to his side.
“Yeah… Why would she?” His words came out slow. “Didn’t you ask her that?”
“She just said, you looked like you needed a bit of cheering up,” Yuki gave a shrug, not noticing Pi’s eyes snapping alertly to him.
“Hey, is this a tactic for you to get Sensei’s attention? Just an act so she’d notice you like she’s doing right now. Even sending me as the messenger.” A grudging pout materialized.
“Don’t you think your imagination’s running a little far here?”
Yuki looked him up and down. “I saw you.”
“You saw me what?” The kid really has an overactive imagination.
He didn’t say anything just looking at him as if he’s not falling for his innocent act.
“Just don’t get too close,” he narrowed his eyes, as if that would make him back off.
“What makes you think I want to?” What was that slight rising in his voice?
Yuki gave a frown at his words and a last warning look before stomping away, still feeling slighted. And it didn’t help that the guy’s acting all oblivious, trying to throw him off. As if he didn’t have enough problems to deal with.
Pi followed him with a slight look of comic disbelief and shook his head. Who would have thought his serious crush for his teacher would become a problem for him? He stared ahead once more. His fingers closed in tighter. He chanced a glance around; the kid seemed to have gone inside. He went back to staring fixedly ahead at first but then he couldn’t help it anymore.
Taking another look around and seeing it was safe, he lifted his hand up. On his palm was a small round chocolate in green wrapping. His lips lifted slightly as he looked at it. Something to cheer him up? Well… It did work just by a bit, for reasons unclear to him. He turned his head to the window. He could make her out; walking around fawning over the kids. His gaze lingered there a while before he went back to the chocolate.
Whatever it is she’s doing… Whatever is her effect to him… To his shock, for once he was welcoming it. At least, this place offered something different this time… It wasn’t all dark now as he thought… Maybe he was just too tired right now… Too tired to face the monsters in him again… Or too afraid…?
Maybe he could just stay in the small light she had offered… Just for a bit… Just rest for a while…
“Just don’t get too close.” The words from the small man came back to him.
His fingers tightened around the chocolate. He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for something he couldn’t really understand. His eyes on his closed fist.
Of course there’d be no risk of that happening…
He wouldn’t let any of this get that far. He just needed a breather.
That was it.
He knows when to stop.
He knows just when to stop…
The classroom windows were in his sight again.
Somehow though, there was no need to remind himself of that before…
But now…
