Chapter 27: Baby Steps

Pi slid the door open. He thought the classroom was empty but was startled at the voice that came out of nowhere.

“Close the door!”

He stepped in the room and closed it behind him. He looked around, still seeing no one, when she suddenly popped out from under a table.

“Oh, good. You’re here. Help me find Meatball.” She disappeared again.

“What happened with the meatball?” He asked, suddenly jumping back a step when she warned him to be careful where he steps. No wonder it was taking her a long time to come out.

“He’s not a meatball. He’s Meatball,” her voice corrected unnecessarily. She was on all fours again. “I was going to clean his house for him so I took him out. But he suddenly jumped out of my hand. I think he saw Mr. Tortoise was out for a walk and he wanted to join in.”

Pi squatted down and peered at her. He could see a shell planted in the middle of the room. “I don’t think walking is his kind of sports.”

“Of course it is. He just doesn’t know it yet. He can’t hide in there forever.” She said it out loud so Mr. Tortoise could hear her.

Pi’s lips quirked and he started looking around for the troublesome hamster.

“There’s really nowhere to hide here. The meatball might have made it out the door already.”

“No, no. I saw him scurry over here and I went to close the door immediately. And call him Meatball.”

“How can a fat hamster hide himself? He might have slipped through one of the holes behind the cabinets or something…”

“That can’t be!” Mao’s head snapped up. “He can’t survive by himself out there.”

Pi thought that was true. The meatball didn’t look too bright.

“Get some cheese on the table and plant it around the room. He’ll be attracted to the smell.” He looked at her again. So that’s what she’s been doing.

“Isn’t the cheese going to cause him diarrhea?” It’s been one of the things that’s been spreading like wildfire here. The meatball can’t handle cheese.

“Still, it’s his favourite. Get the cheese.”

Pi stifled a yawn as he sat with his back against the wall below the blackboard. The cheeses were now placed in strategic points but it’s almost been a half hour and still no sign of the meatball. He might really have met a house rat and had gone on with him. Something to which Mao greatly protested; She was sure he’d come around soon.

His eyes snapped to her as she let out a wince; she’d banged her head as she came out from under the table. She slowly stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans. His heart made a little jump as she hopped over the shell and was coming towards him, rubbing her head gingerly. She was at his side in an instant.

“This is a nice spot,” she said and slid down beside him. There was much space between them still but he thought it was still not far enough.

“You can do it, Mr. Tortoise.” She suddenly called out.

No movements.

He gave a shake of his head. “No progress yet, huh?”

“Baby steps, baby steps,” she offered sagely. “You don’t see it but when the kids are all in here, he comes out. I think he’s attracted to their voices and laughter.”

He didn’t look convinced.

“I knew you’d be all sceptical so I don’t even bother telling you.” She gave a smirk. Pi’s eyes went to her lips. He’d noticed some sort of bruise somewhere near her lower lip. But he didn’t think it was appropriate to ask about it really… His eyes strayed to it again.

“I think you got something on your lips,” he said casually. He can’t help it. Why couldn’t the meatball appear right now when he needed a distraction?

Mao’s hand went to her lips. She winced inwardly. Looking slightly embarrassed, she made up a lie. “Yeah, I bumped into my cabinet door this morning…”

She felt her face flushing, her body growing warm. She tried to stop the memory from coming back but it was too late. The searing kiss: Every moment; every sigh; every sound came back in vivid detail. The tingle on her lips made her groan inside. She can’t do this to herself. She can’t torture herself like this… It was wrong… She can’t be affected by it… The effects will wear off soon… It has to...

Why does he make her lose control…? Why can’t he let her forget…?

She was getting restless and started to tie her hair up on the side, just so she can focus on something else.

Pi couldn’t get the expression on her face. Her hands dropped to her lap; she looked like she was about to cry. She then turned her face towards the windows, looking at the sky outside. He felt like he needs to do something about it…

“Do you think… Do you think people can really forget?” Her eyes were still on the clouds.

He always knew the answer to that. No. People can’t forget. That’s just the way the world is. There are some things that can’t be undone… But then…They can try… Try to find something to make things a bit easier…

“Maybe...” He heard himself say.

She turned to him. Her eyes unusually bright, regarding him for a moment.

“You’re saying maybe you can forget…?”

He can’t seem to tear his gaze away from her. Her eyes… Those big gentle eyes seemed to be drawing him in further… He wished she’d look back up at the sky. He felt something pressing against his chest. He tried to pull himself back to reality.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” She gave a frown.

“It could be the meatball.” He really didn’t hear anything.

Mao looked around. “Why can’t you just say ‘Meatball’? Don’t add a ‘the’.”

“I don’t think I’m hurting his feelings.”

“You’re regarding him as a thing. Not a pet. The meatball,” Mao repeated, making a face.

“He won’t know the difference.”

“Repeat after me, ‘Meatball’.”

Pi looked at her. She was serious.

“The meatball.”

Mao gave him an exasperated look. “Meatball.”

“M… The meatball.”

“Meatball.” Her lips were starting to twitch.

“Meat- The meatball.”

Mao burst out laughing at the childishness of the situation. He suddenly gave a smile. The effect was startling for her. A kind of boyish charm shone through him.

“You have a nice smile,” she pointed out.

He didn’t even realize he had been smiling. It was gone in a flash. But Mao hadn’t noticed the slight panicked look he gave; something had caught her attention. She had suddenly placed a hand on his arm. He almost swallowed his tongue.

“Look!” She whispered.

Pi looked to where she was pointing. The turtle was moving. On its own. And it looked like it had come out of its shell for a while now. He stared, transfixed as it slowly moved a leg. He felt her squeeze his arm; he felt the pressure on his chest grow. The meatball had appeared, heading towards the turtle. The turtle stopped; it looked like it was going back into its shell. But then, it continued walking as the meatball went pass him towards his favourite cheese.

Mao chuckled at the scene. She looked up at Pi who was torn between amusement and disbelief. He made a sudden noise to see if it will scare the turtle back into its shell. He was unsuccessful. He looked to her, who was giving him a triumphant look, a lingering smile on her lips.

He dragged his gaze away from her. “I guess you win.”

“Mr. Tortoise still has a long way to go. But you are right in that.” She grinned at the smirk on his lips. She would have preferred to see him smile again.

“So tell me what you want. Let’s get it over with.”

Mao narrowed her eyes at that. “I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

He gave another smirk. “So what is it then?”

Mao gave a smile. Her eyes went to Mr. Tortoise. She looked like she was thinking about it when a faraway look suddenly appeared in her eyes. Pi looked at her curiously.

“Can you help me forget…?” she then asked softly.

Pi’s eyes grew serious as he looked at the sadness instantly replacing the warm glow she had just now. She then snapped to it and gave a sheepish chuckle.

“Never mind that. I’ll think of some-“

“I’ll try.”

She looked at him for a second. “I don’t think-“

“I’ve spent enough time around you to know what you mean.”

Their eyes met.

“Tomorrow then. I’ll help you escape.”

Mao looked at him dumbstruck. Does he know what he is saying?

“Of course it wouldn’t be a real escape. Just something close to it,” he then clarified.

Mao could breathe again. Her heart had almost jumped out of her. She should have known better than to take him seriously. She chuckled slightly at her reaction. Pi watched her from the corner of his eye.

She was intrigued by his suggestion.

“I’ll look forward to it then…”

**

Mao followed Pi inside the store, taking a last look back to see if they hadn’t been followed. They had entered a punk rock/hip-hop shop, something she has never ever really done before. She looked around at all the memorabilia, leather, spikes, bling; she stopped beside a stand holding fake Mohawks.

“Here.” He had signalled to her and she went to him. He was standing beside a rack of hoodies and indicated she start looking for one to change into.

They’ve ditched the rest of her entourage at the moviehouse. They had pretended to be going in to watch a movie; at the expense of a few of his night shifts again. But they were able to sneak out easily; he knew the guards will be out for a cigarette break as soon as they were in.

Now, she had at least two hours free to roam around the mall like a normal person. But they had to change into something a little less eye-catching. She started going through the racks, asking what they were going to do with the clothes they had on now.

“We’ll leave it here in his care.” He pointed towards the college student at the counter.

“Are you sure…?” What she had on were vintage Chanel.

Women.

“We don’t have much time.” He tapped his watch. “We’re not shopping here, you know.”

“Okay, Grumpy,” she muttered and her eyes caught one she liked. She pulled it out exclaiming it’s so cute. She took off her blazer and tried it on. It looked a little big on her. She pulled the hood up. It had small cat ears. She was grinning at him asking what he thinks.

“We’re not shopping.” He repeated himself and turned around, his lips quirking. Knowing she’s probably making faces at his back right now. He was about to start towards the leather jackets when something landed on his head. He looked back. She had a long neon pink wig on and she’d planted one of the fake Mohawks on him.

“You’ve never looked better,” she laughed, looking at him in the full length mirror in front of them.

“Have you found what you need?”

She gave a small pout; he was really a spoilsport. She walked away, muttering about wanting to do a sort of montage with all the props around. He gave a sigh.

Before he knew it, he had on a leather jacket, a blonde wig, spiked gloves and carried a ukulele that looked out of place in the store. While she donned the fake Mohawk, X-ray glasses, a ridiculously huge necklace that can blind a person, holding a voodoo doll. They stared at themselves in the mirror.

“I don’t think this is going to work.” She was already admitting defeat at their first attempt.

She gave a laugh and turned around, picking up the things she was going to try on, shaking her head still as she went towards the fitting room. Pi followed her back till she disappeared inside. He pursed his lips and took off the wig. His lips broke into another smile at her direction. He suddenly looked around, as if he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing. He threw the wig aside, feeling awkward. He needed to change too.

As he went through the racks, the way she looked yesterday, asking him if he could help her forget came back to him. It was a request he never expected to hear from her. She wanted to forget still… Which was a good thing. It seems he had been a little too worried she’d had a change of heart towards Matsumoto. But then, there was a real problem after that… He felt too eager to help her in doing just that. Not because it had been his plan all along. But because…

He pulled on a jacket a little too hard.

“I’ll help you escape.”

He knew he meant that. Truly meant that. Even more than he could imagine… And he was feeling a little ridiculous about it right now… What is he doing really? Actually wanting to spend time with her. That’s why he’s not really resentful the turtle proved him wrong; he knew it would provide the chance. He pushed aside the jacket decorated with too much spikes a little too roughly.

“It really is not nice to look at.”

He turned towards her voice. She was grinning at him, looking like a totally different person. She had let her hair down, liking the way the waves framed her face along with her dishevelled bangs. She had put on baggy jeans and had tied a scarf around her waist to hold it up. Wearing a shirt saying “Hip-Hop is Dead” under a yellow hoodie.

“You still haven’t changed? We’re not shopping here.” She tapped her watch for emphasis.

“Okay, Mopey,” he shot back which earned a sharp glare from her.

He turned around, grabbing a normal-looking leather jacket, some jeans and a white shirt. He reached for a black cap, thought about it then turned back to her. She was absently checking the racks again when he jammed the cap onto her head. She gave a little yelp. He reached for the beanie and then headed for the fitting room. He glanced back, she had her eyes narrowed as she adjusted the cap. He looked back ahead, his lips quirking.

**

“How much time have we got left?”

“About half an hour.”

Mao slid into her chair, sipping her juice. He slid across her, placing the pizza box in front of them.

“That fast?” She looked a bit dejected.

“You were having too much fun.”

She made a face at him. She had been growing more and more comfortable around him now; totally forgetting that he is just her bodyguard. She hadn’t forgotten the snarky, cheeky, irritating part about him though. As soon as they stepped out of the store in their new attire, the whole mall seemed to look more inviting to her. She really had no goal in mind though, just wanting to see the place in a different perspective.

At first, he’d be walking a little behind her as she walked just checking the stores and the people around. She felt freer than ever with none of her bodyguards around. But she was pulling him more often than not, just pointing at random stuff, that in the end they were walking side by side, much like a couple of friends just hanging out. She’d had ice cream, played around with the human mannequins scattered around the mall, pulled him into the cutest store he wouldn’t be caught dead walking into; She had been having too much fun in there, making him wear whatever cute stuffed whatevers.

He picked up a slice of pizza, suddenly feeling her eyes on him.

“What?”

“Do you really hate taking pictures that much?” She had asked seriously.

A couple had stopped them suddenly, asking them to take a picture of them beside one of the giant Hello Kitty figures. They asked if they wanted one as well. She declined while he briskly started walking away. She had pulled him back by the jacket, not wanting to offend the kind couple. They insisted again, teasing that they were really a cute couple; it will be a shame not to take a photo together. She had laughingly corrected them saying they’re not. Her eyes fell on him; he looked like he just drank a bottle of Tabasco sauce or something. The guy had put up his camera, saying it’s okay; they can send it to them through mail. He had suddenly blocked the camera with his hand and pushed the guy’s hands down. Mao had apologized profusely, bowing as she jogged to follow him when he took off.

“They were a nice couple, you know,” she chided as he just shrugged. He had frowned at the pizza in his hand and started taking the olives out.

He felt her staring again. “What?”

Mao gave a jolt and shook her head. She reached for her slice. “N-Nothing. You just reminded me of someone. He hated olives too…”

Pi frowned at the look she gave. Like she’s said too much. Whoever that someone was… He suddenly straightened up. Was it Matsumoto? Did he have something in common with that guy? She chewed her pizza, her mind seeming far off. He didn’t want her being reminded of him of all things… Much less he was the reason behind it… He looked down at the pizza sullenly, having lost his appetite. Why did he have to hate olives?

“I don’t look good in pictures,” he suddenly spoke up, wanting to start driving thoughts of Matsumoto out.

Mao looked at him, slightly confused. Her eyes widened in understanding.

“Oh. I really doubt that.”

Pi’s eyes snapped to her. She winced inwardly. She didn’t mean to give him a compliment. It just slipped out. She decided to let it go like it was nothing. Because it was nothing. She didn’t want him thinking she thinks he’s… not bad to the eyes. She peeked at him, looking really cool with the beanie on. He’s already irritating enough.

“So, there’s something bothering me till now…” Pi looked at her as he reached for his soda. “I’m not really clear on what to call you…”

He was lost.

“Like, do I call you Yamashita?” But that was too formal…

He was alright with that.

“Tomohisa?” It doesn’t feel right exactly…

It was up to her really.

“Pi?”

His ears tingled a little.

“Tomo…” She tried, giving it some serious thought. Though it felt a little too personal… She’d teased him about it once. But it was because she was feeling giddy that day. Everything seemed to be alright that time.

His ears were tingling a lot. But he still didn’t like that nickname.

“Kabugi?”

She grinned as his lips quirked.

“Just not Tomo,” he suggested, but she’d probably call him that just to irk him. Though it wasn’t as bad coming from her… He gave a mental shake of his head.

She gave a smirk. She’ll think about it some more. She was about to take another bite of her pizza when something caught her eye. She slapped him excitedly on the arm and pointed towards an ad.

“Chocolate fountains!”

Pi turned to look. So it was. He checked his watch. The hotel was near the mall but… He looked at her, her eyes full of longing, thinking of all the chocolates. She met his gaze; her eyes wide with anticipation.

He seemed powerless to that. Chocolates and her…

“If we come back late, you’re doing all the explaining.”

**

“Jun, are you okay?”

Jun looked around. The door has been held open for him. And it looked like it had been for a while. He immediately got out; Ohno still looking at him concerned. He’s been out of it since he got back from dinner with Mao the other night.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered and headed for the hotel doors. His eyes fell on the sign. Chocolate fountains. His mind went to Mao. She’d probably be trembling with excitement if she knew… He thought of calling her. He can have her picked up. He took out his phone as he stepped into the hotel.

He thought about it some more.

Maybe later… When he’s done with business… He pocketed his phone, heading straight for the elevators.

**

Pi looked up. The elevator was taking a long time to arrive. He looked at his watch; Mao peeked at it too. She grinned when he caught her doing that, playing with the cap in her hand. He looked around, looking a bit impatient; his heart almost stopped when his eyes fell on him.

Matsumoto.

“Shit,” he muttered, his eyes snapping to the elevator. Mao heard that and looked at him with a puzzled look.

“He’s here.”

“Who-“ Mao looked around. And judging from the way her voice disappeared, she had seen him.

She then looked up at him, alarmed. What should they do?

Pi was about to pull her away, trying to see if they can blend in with the crowd when the elevator doors slid open. He took one last look back at Matsumoto and pulled her with him inside, shuffling in with the other people. Willing the elevator doors to close right now.

“Wait!”

Their gazes snapped to each other. It was Ohno. And he was holding the elevator for Jun. He gently pushed her towards the back, mumbling their apologies as they squeezed between people.

Mao’s back hit the wall. Pi was standing facing her. He shot out both arms as he was almost pushed into her. Her eyes snapped to his. He had her between his arms. Someone backed into him again. He was pushed further into her. He tore his gaze away from her and looked up. The close proximity was leaving him agitated. Not just because they were in the same elevator with Jun and some of his men. He chanced a glance down at her.

Mao was peeking over his shoulder right now; she could make out the back of Jun’s head. Ohno was somewhere near him. She bit her lip and suddenly looked up. Locking gazes with Pi. She could feel his breath on her forehead. She didn’t imagine he’d be this warm… She shook her head and broke eye contact. Staring at his throat. She could almost hear his heart beating.

Pi shifted his weight a bit. Why aren’t they getting off yet? He was having trouble not taking in the sweet scent of her hair… He scrunched up his face, trying to think about something else. Anything else… But she moved, brushing against him. His lips almost touching her hair. This isn’t good…

They noticed two old ladies suddenly giggling as they looked at them. Mao and Pi’s eyes went to them.

“Kids these days…” They both teased.

They both tried to shake their heads. Hoping they wouldn’t say anything else. They didn’t need the attention.

“It’s so sweet seeing two people in love like that. They can’t take it when they’re not all over each other.”

Mao and Pi’s eyes widened in panic at their giggles once more. She took a peek over his shoulder. Jun glanced back at that moment. In a panic, she had buried her face in Pi’s chest. Pi gave a hard swallow. He stopped himself from glaring at the giggles.

Finally, the doors opened. Mao peeked out again; Jun had taken a last glance back as he stepped out. She hid herself once more. She could hear the giggles going out as well.

Thank God there were no complications…

She suddenly looked up. His eyes were on her, an indescribable look in them. The elevator had now emptied considerably, just three or four others left, but they were still in their corner. She couldn’t take her eyes away from him… The look he was giving her… Her heart jumped a bit… She wasn’t sure what to make of it… But she didn’t mind… All she knows is she was encased safely in his warmth…

He seemed to snap out of it and stepped away, pulling his beanie lower, as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. They watched the floors lighting up. They were going back down to the chocolate fountains after the final guest had stepped off his floor. An awkward tension seemed to hang in the air.

Both of them seemed to be too immersed in their own thoughts that they didn’t notice they’ve reached their floor. People started filing in and Pi gave a jolt.

“Let’s go.”

Mao was having trouble making her way out, there were too many people in now. Pi looked back to her, reached over and was able to catch her hand. He gave a little pull and they pushed their way out, asking to have the doors held open for them for a while.

The doors slid close behind them as they stood there after that little effort. His eyes snapped down, suddenly realizing something. He still had her hand clutched in his. Both of them immediately let go.

The awkward tension from before falling again.

“C-Come on!” Mao wanted to wave away the moment, pointing inside where the chocolates were waiting. “Let’s see if we can take some home.”

She gave a slight grin and followed the throng of people. Pi looked down at his hand that had her small one just now. He balled it into a fist and exhaled sharply. He then moved and followed her cue, focusing on the chocolates and not what she was making him feel.

He suddenly glanced back, as if feeling like he’s being watched. He stood there a moment before shrugging it off and moving his feet.

The chocolates.

But it was hard to concentrate on that when she turned to him, face lighting up like that.

**

Jin lowered the camera he had pointed on the two. He watched amused, hidden in the corner, as they disappeared inside. He reviewed the shots he took. Stopping on the one where they had their hands together.

He gave a chuckle.

It was the winning shot of the day. Better than anything he got at the mall. He pushed the button again. The next was of her looking back at her bodyguard, all bright and beautiful.

“Ah… What I would give to have her look at me like that.” His eyes shone gleefully. “Wonder what Matsumoto would think about it though…”

He looked back at the doors, slinging his camera strap onto his shoulder. He gave one last smirk and turned to go.

He can’t wait to find out.

Chapter 26: Losing Control

“What do you mean you can’t get out of it?”

“I mean I can’t get out of it,” Hye repeated herself on the other line.

“How long does it take to get a freaking pipe done?” Pi asked. Patience wasn’t on his mind this morning. He loosened his tie and looked back to check if anyone was coming.

“Where is all this coming from?” Hye implied at his shiny attitude.

“You know why. Do I have to send you a picture?” He’s already told her yesterday about a sudden change in her attitude. He didn’t want to take any risks. They had to act fast or else… Or else… He took a deep breath.

He pursed his lips. This frustration… How does one deal with something like this? How does anyone deal with it?

“Just wing it first then.”

“Are you holding out on me?” Pi narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“You know I will never do that.” She sounded hurt at the accusation. He wasn’t fooled. She’s up to something…

“What’s this really about?”

“Look, you’ve obviously already...,” She tried to think of a word that won’t generate a violent reaction. “…bonded- Don’t interrupt me- with her and I think the connection is just as effective. Until I find the time, okay?”

“This is supposed to be your part, Hye.” He didn’t know if he can do this… Not when he feels he’s too compromised…

“I know that. But since you’re already in as well… I think she’s learned to take your attitude a lot better now. Which is good. You just have to work some more in order to convince her she’s going to do a lot better on our side.” He could hear the grin in her voice.

“Are you even taking this seriously?”

“Pi, do you know what I get when she talks to me? I think you are making her see things in a different perspective. And not in a good way, when it comes to your plan. She doesn’t tell me exactly but seeing you, with all your dark, brooding, me-against-the-world attitude, she’s seriously disturbed about it. I think it’s making her realize that she doesn’t want to turn into you. You know all alone and just… sad…” Hye finished. “Forgive me if I don’t tweak my words.”

“Yeah, shocking.”

“So I think you have the obligation to make her see you in a different light. Technically, you’re the reason we have to work extra hard.”

“How did you come up with all this anyway?” He asked, seriously annoyed. He didn’t think there was any way he could get out of this. But she could just be bluffing.

“I called her up yesterday. And she mentioned you-“

“She did?” He was unable to stop himself. What the hell is this?

“Whoa, whoa.” Hye joked, implying his excitement. Pi wasn’t amused. “Not really you directly but it wasn’t too hard to figure out. Your attitude is very distinct. She didn’t really mention anything about almost drowning… But I think she’s come to some realizations after that… Coming from something that serious, I would imagine…”

“Realizations?” It wasn’t too late, was it?

“And I got to know what the kabugi is about!” Hye sounded ecstatic, forgetting about more pressing matters. She’s been very persistent in asking what’s up with the turtle but he didn’t want her to know. He knew she’d be coming up with her own interpretations. “Awww… it’s so cute. She has a little nickname for you. I have to meet Mr. Tortoise!”

“Hye…” She was really testing him.

Hye gave a kind chuckle and turned solemn. “Pi, you can do this. I know everything feels scary to you right now, but trust me; the best thing here is for you to help her. Stop fighting this.”

“What are you talking about?” He didn’t like that she could be implying something.

“You don’t think I noticed?” There was a smile in her voice. “It’s going to do both of you a lot of good. Oh, Ji Hoon’s here. I gotta go.”

“Ji Hoon?” His voice filled with disbelief. “Why can’t you people understand what low profile means-“

She hang up on him. He looked at the phone incredulously. There really was no contest when it comes to Ji Hoon. He pocketed it and stared ahead pensively. What is she getting at? She’s given him more thoughts that are adding to his confusion. How can he be the best candidate to help her? When he doesn’t really know what he’s doing half the time? Something that’s really out of character.

He moved his feet, rounding the corner to get to the front doors when he froze in his tracks.

He’s here?

The guard pulled open the car door for Matsumoto. He stood there, buttoning up his suit, looking around. He headed for the doors, followed by a couple of his men carrying a fruit basket and two others containing goodies and a lot of sugar for the kids. They’d be eating that up. He felt annoyed at how resentful he was at the gesture. His jaw tightened when Matsumoto’s eyes fell on him. He looked at him for a second and to his surprise, headed instead for him.

“Yamashita,” he greeted.

He gave a short bow. What did he want?

Matsumoto stood in front of him. He tried to keep his expression in check. His supposed boss might find it odd if he looked like he wanted nothing more than to give him what he deserved. He stared at the hand he held out.

“I didn’t get the chance to say this yesterday. Thank you for saving her.”

His eyes snapped to him, totally caught off guard. But there seemed to be something wrong in accepting thanks from the one person he wanted to destroy. He reached out his hand.

Jun carefully observed Yamashita as they shook hands. Grateful as he is, he couldn’t shake off that slight resentment he feels towards him. If it was anyone else, he wouldn’t be feeling the faintest inkling of dislike. The man saved Mao, for God’s sake. But he hadn’t forgotten Mao’s words about him from before… And of course, she’s going to feel a whole lot safer again with him around. He felt like a teenage boy holding a ridiculous grudge. But he just can’t shake it of…

“Thank you again,” he said sincerely. He let go and turned right around towards the doors. He knew he couldn’t wait to see her.

He watched as he disappeared inside. He looked down at his hand. He didn’t think his desire to take him down can grow even deeper… His eyes went to the doors again.

**

“Awww, Ami, it’s alright. You don’t have to hug me forever. I’m here, okay?” Mao slid down to be eye to eye with Ami.

Ever since the trip, Ami would always want her by her side, hugging her tight. This way Sensei wouldn’t be going anywhere. Mao knew she somehow feels like everything is her fault. She told her gently that next time both of them should be more careful so they won’t ever lose each other. Ami nods furiously at that and holds her tighter.

“I think Ami’s idea isn’t so bad.”

Mao’s head snapped up to Jun’s voice. He stood there by the door, smiling a bit unsurely. Ami beamed up at him. She’s always liked him. Mao slowly stood up, watching the guards carrying the baskets in. They filed back out after placing them on the tables. All the kids have stopped playing around and excitedly went to the gifts. Wanting to get first pick at the sweets inside.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“A visitor should always come bearing gifts,” Jun said, walking towards her. Ami was still beaming up at him. He ruffled her hair and squatted down.

“Do you want to meet Mr. Tortoise, Mr. Jun?” Ami asked, her eyes shining.

“Yeah, I would like that.” He grinned at her.

Ami then ran to the windowsill. Jun stood up, his eyes on Mao. She was smiling at Ami. When she turned around though, her smile faded a little.

“It’s been a while since I had your drawing lessons. I’m afraid to imagine what I’m going to come up with this time.”

She didn’t seem to be too bothered at that. He could breathe easily now and smiled. Their attention then turned to Ami, who was holding a shell in her hand. Telling Jun to say hi to Mr. Tortoise.

Pi stood by the door, unnoticed. He watched as Jun turned the shell in his hand, wondering if there really was a turtle in there. The small smile on her lips… It was alarming… He had never seen her smile again with him around…

“Yeah…” He heard a sigh beside him. He looked down. Of course, who else could it be? The little man with the ever present backpack. He had a juice box in his hand. “I don’t get it too. Why Ami likes that guy.”

Pi smirked. Was he that obvious?

“Here I am slaving for her and she introduces Mr. Tortoise to him.” The kid shook his head, indicating to the juice box.

“I would have thought you’d be more affected he’s here to see your Sensei.”

“I don’t feel threatened by him anymore,” the kid shrugged. “Although…”

Pi shifted a bit. Had he seen what he was seeing as well?

“Are you?” He looked up at him, all wise and knowing.

“So it’s really Ami, huh? You’re just using your Sensei to make her jealous? Make her notice you?” He had to divert the kid’s attention.

“Of course not!” He said, getting all defensive. “I just… I’m not letting her out of my sight anymore. It’s my fault they got into an accident… I shouldn’t have left her alone. I’m going to stay by her side always.”

Pi looked down at the kid. He really was alright.

“So what do you do about Matsumoto then? Seems like he’s all she sees.” Wait a minute… Is he actually trying to get some sort of advice? From a kid? Now he’s seen everything.

“I’m going to show him that I am the only one Ami needs.” He pointed conspiratorially at the juice box. As if it holds the key to everything. “I’m the only one who can get her her favourite grape juice.”

He watched as the kid walked in, all important. Showing off the juice box so Ami would notice. So much for that… He turned to go; the class was about to start. But not before seeing Ami’s face light up as the kid gave her her grape juice, Matsumoto totally forgotten.

**

The scratching of pencils and crayons, the random outbursts of random questions from kids, asking to go to the bathroom; Jun looked around, smiling. He had missed this experience. It’s been a while since he last sat in her class. A really long while. He missed just being away from the real world just diving into the kids’ world of dragons and… poop. One of the kids just told the class he needed to go.

He sat at the back of the class, next to Yuki, his mortal enemy. Or at least that’s what the kid thinks. He didn’t seem too keen on having him as a seatmate and he didn’t really try to hide it. Telling him time and again not to cross the imaginary line to his desk. He’d humour him; purposely leaning in too close once in a while.

“Sssh… Concentrate.” Jun placed a finger on his lips. Yuki stopped complaining and glared at him.

They were to draw their experiences during their two day trip. Everyone was excited, chatting up their seatmates, asking what they were drawing. Some tried to change theirs when they thought their seatmates’ idea was cooler.

Yuki peeked at his work and snorted. He narrowed his eyes at him and looked down at it. There was nothing wrong with his drawing. Okay, not really nothing… He took out a blue crayon from the box. His eyes went to Mao, who had gone down the aisle to check on some of the work. His eyes stayed on her until she looked up and their gazes locked. He could see her lips quirking, probably amused at the sight of a grown man, holding a crayon, trying not to let his seatmate see his work. His heart gave a shout of joy at that. He turned back to his project.

“What is that?” Yuki asked loudly in a not-so-kind voice, smirking.

Jun looked down at his work again. The blue just made it worse. “It’s…”

Mao had come up to their desks and took a peek.

“I can’t draw for shit.” The words just slipped out of him.

“Ah!” Yuki pointed at him accusingly, shaking a finger at him, looking to Mao, who was frowning at Jun. “Sensei, did you hear what he said?”

“What?” Jun pretended nothing happened. “What did I say?”

“You said ‘shit’!”

Yuki clamped his hands on his mouth, eyes wide. It was Jun’s turn to point the finger.

“He said it too!”

“Okay, we don’t say shi-“ Mao stopped herself before it was too late. Jun and Yuki was pointing to her now, eyes wide. She looked around hoping the rest of the class were still distracted.

Jun gave a laugh as Yuki grudgingly followed. Mao shook her head, helplessly but gave a small chuckle.

“Just be careful…” She gave a warning look and turned to the next table.

Jun looked at her back, still smiling. Appreciating how she looked bathed in the afternoon sun. But then slanted his eyes to Yuki when he took a shot at his drawing again.

“You better not let anyone see that. It’s going to give them nightmares,” he advised, clicking his tongue.

**

Jun handed her the rest of the drawings. She took them and placed them in an envelope. She glanced up at him, he was looking around the empty classroom; the baskets have been taken away to the kitchen. He looked back to her.

“Let’s have dinner.”

Mao looked up. It was time for them to talk. “Okay, I’ll just drop these off at the faculty.”

**

Pi straightened up when he saw her step out with Matsumoto. They had their cars ready but they weren’t needed. He gave a slight frown. They were taking his car to have dinner. The rest of them can go back.

Pi watched as Mao disappeared inside with Matsumoto sliding in after her. The door closed. The car making its way to the gate. His eyes followed it, still unclear on where he stood in this. Something clutched at him, threatening to break free.

Maybe the kid should reconsider… Maybe he should still be threatened by Matsumoto…

**

“Thank you.”

Jun handed back the menu to their waitress and looked over to Mao. She was taking a sip of the merlot she loved; he’d asked the wine bar to prepare it in advance for them. He’d been anticipating this talk of theirs. It’s been long overdue. Having thought much about where they should go exactly; this wine bar they frequent came to mind first. It was one of her favourite places. He thought it could help dispel some of the nervousness that would surely come for her, for them. And maybe the alcohol can help in some way. He watched as she instantly tossed down the rest of her drink. But he still had some qualms about that…

“It would be better if you have something to eat first,” Jun suggested mildly, indicating to the appetizers in front of them.

Mao wiped the wine off the side of her lips with a thumb. She shook her head. “It’s okay.”

“You haven’t eaten the whole afternoon,” he offered again and reached over to put some on her plate.

His tenderness was more unbearable for her than usual. He doesn’t have to do this anymore.

“Jun, are you happy?”

He paused in the act of putting the scallops onto her plate. She was looking at him earnestly, wanting to hear his answer. Somehow she has one on her mind.

“Yes.” He leaned back on his chair once more, wondering where this was leading.

The sadness slashed across her face. “You’re lying.”

“I know what I’m saying, Mao.”

“Do you? I don’t believe that. You can’t believe that. You have to stop lying to yourself…” She bit her lip. “You can’t be happy. Not like this. Not with me…”

His eyes narrowed slightly. The fear winning its battle within him. He clenched his jaw.

“What are you saying?”

She hesitated at the dark look clouding his eyes. But she had to get this out. He had to understand. He needed to finally admit it. They both have to stop hurting each other. They both needed to save each other now…

“Jun… I’m tired… Just so tired… We’ve both have enough… I know you’ve thought about giving up too, right… You must have…”

Jun looked away for a moment and that said it all. The hurt briefly gripped her heart. It was inevitable… She knew that… But seeing it for herself… She had always thought they would last… Always… So facing the blunt reality, it will never be easy…

But… He’s suffered enough… They both have…

“What happened at the lake made me realize that we’ve been so foolish… Letting the past consume the rest of our lives… There’s still so much to live for-“

“Is there?”

Mao’s eyes snapped to him. He was watching the candle flickering in its glass case.

“I don’t want to be tied to the past anymore, Jun… I want to forget… Just forget everything… Just move forward… It’s alright-“ She took in a shuddering breath, blinking back the tears. “It’s alright if I don’t know what really happened to Dad… It’s alright if I don’t get my answers… I know it will never bring him back…”

“You may have your reasons to never let me know… I understand now… And it’s made us hurt each other in ways deeper than we can imagine… So I don’t want to do that to us anymore… I don’t want to always feel trapped, to pretend I don’t give a damn everytime I purposely want to cause you pain…” She wiped away the tear that rolled down her cheek. She looked up, trying to stop another onslaught of tears. “You’re always going to be a part of me… You’ve always been a part of me… And I don’t want to hurt you anymore… I don’t want to see you like this... No matter how much I thought I hated you… I want to see you happy…”

“Then why are you doing this?” He asked, the anguish in his voice.

“The hurt we’ve caused each other, Jun… It’s just too much… We can’t come back from that… How can we…? After all the things I’ve done… After every hurt I inflicted… I’m not the one to give you that happiness… I can’t be the one… Are you telling me that everytime you look at me now you won’t be reminded of the things I’ve done to you? Because they’re always going to be there… For both of us… You can’t pretend anymore… You don’t have to pretend anymore…”

“I’m not asking to leave, Jun… But I’m telling you, whether or not I’m by your side, things will never be the same for us… I know now that I have to live with that… We both do… If we do, we’ll be able to find the-“

“So is this some kind of ‘let’s just be friends’ speech?”

She knew he wasn’t trying to understand any of this right now. “If you want to put it that way, then yes. I am telling it to you straight because I’ve had enough of all this pretending. I care about you, Jun. And, God help me, I will always care about you. I can’t deny that no matter how hard I want it to be different. But you should know that that’s all it’s ever going to be between us now-“

“We can never be just friends, Mao. You know that.” He was trying hard to stay calm.

‘That’s just what you think-“

“It’s not what I think. It’s what I know. And do you really think I’m ever going to be happy with someone else?”

Mao stifled a frustrated cry. No. It didn’t feel like she’d be happy with anyone else either… But they don’t know that… Things between them are just beyond anything they could ever save now… All they can do right now is hope that the wounds will heal and they can move on…

“You-“

She stopped when the waitress opened the door to their room, carrying their orders. The door closed behind her moments later. The tension in the room was at its breaking point.

“You’re saying that you believe my father and I had nothing to do with Uncle Toshiro’s death, right?” Jun started.

It took everything in her to admit that. She’s had that buried deep within her… To admit she had allowed the hatred and hurt she felt blind her from everything else. From the people that she trusted… The people that she loved most… And the shame she felt… It was beyond excruciating…

“Yes, I-“

“Then that’s the important thing, isn’t it? It’s okay-“

“No, it isn’t! What I’ve put all of us through, what I’ve put you through-“

“You lost Uncle Toshiro, Mao... We understand that. We don’t-“

“I can’t do this, Jun! I can’t ever get pass that… I’ve made us all miserable. I don’t deserve-“

“Don’t say that. You can’t let the guilt get between us! Mao… If you just come back, we can get past this together and-“

“Haven’t you been listening? I know it’s never going to be the same again. So I have to let this go… I have let it go-“

“No, you haven’t.” Mao tried to hide it from her eyes. Jun went on. “You talk about not wanting to be tied to the past… Then what is this? You’re just running away again.”

“Do you think it’s easy for me to admit all of these? To finally face the fact that there’s nothing we can really do?”

Why hold on to something that’s never ever going to be a reality… She hasn’t let it go… But she has to… She’s learning… Slowly… Because they can never go back… It’s the one thing that’s not going to change… So why hold onto it anymore… It’s what’s hurting her more… She knew she still had that hope… So everything in her should just go… Everything… She can get there…

“We haven’t even tried. You haven’t even really tried…” Panic was clawing at him now. “I held onto the hope that the fact you’ve softened at me could be a sign. A sign that we can finally have a fresh start. That you’re willing to try… To work it out… Because I still see it in you, Mao… Even right now…”

But her words cut through him so deep, he didn’t know what to do… Crashing into this reality left him feeling so lost… He had been fooling himself all this time, hasn’t he? It looks like he can’t do anything to stop her now… To change her mind…

“I have given it a lot of thought…” Her voice shook a little. “I know you can’t seem to accept all of this right now… But eventually you have to… You will… Because you know it’s the only thing left for us… We can still save ourselves, Jun… Even if it doesn’t seem that way right now…”

She picked up her purse and slowly stood up, feeling shaken. She couldn’t read Jun’s expression right now. And she knows that there was no use talking anymore… He wasn’t willing to let the words sink in yet… He needs to give it a lot of thought before they can continue this… When he’s ready…

She slowly walked towards the door. Reaching Jun’s side, his question stopped her.

“Do you still love me?”

She closed her eyes, the tormented expression twisting her face, the lump in her throat growing. She didn’t want him asking her that anymore… She knew how much it takes to ask a person that… How vulnerable one lets himself be… And after all she’s said…

“That’s not the point-“

“Answer me.”

Her eyes went to him. He was staring at her empty seat. She couldn’t see his eyes. What he could be thinking…

She drew in a shaky breath and bit her lip. “I care about you, but that’s all I-“

“Answer me with the truth.” His chair moved noisily across the floor and he stood up, facing her.

She was finding it hard to breathe, her whole being trembling. What use are her words when she knows he won’t listen…? She looked up at him. His eyes were darker right now as he waited for her. His gaze boring into her.

“I have told you the truth. You just aren’t willing to listen,” she said, keeping her voice firm. “Whatever I say, you won’t believe it.”

“That’s true. So answer me through this.”

She had no time to react when Jun’s hand grabbed her by the nape and pulled her to him. His lips crashing hard on hers. She dropped her purse as she struggled with him pushing at his chest. She tried to pull away but Jun had her trapped, unable to move her head as his lips ravaged hers. She felt his other hand go around her waist and pull her to his length. His whole body had gone rigid. She tried to yell but it was no use.

Jun covered her mouth with his, kissing her hungrily. His lips sliding roughly over hers, sucking on them. His tongue urged her to open for him, to let him in and fully taste her. Mao’s strength was seeping away; the sensation pulling her in. The feel of Jun, the heat coming from him… It was not something she could fight after going through all those emotions… She didn’t want to pretend anymore… Jun was still urging for her to surrender to him, his hand now running up and down her side. She could feel his heart racing… She slowly closed her eyes, made one last whimper and gave in…

Jun gave a moan as she returned his kisses. Her passion equal to his. She pressed herself to him, her arms circled around his neck, her fingers lost in his hair. How long has it been… How long since she melted in his arms this way…? He’s had a lot of women but nothing can compare to the way she felt... the softness of her lips… the way she fit perfectly with his body…

He only ever wanted her…

He almost lost it when she opened her mouth and took his tongue with her. He moaned, plunging in and out as if conveying to her what he wanted right now, clasping her tighter to his hips. And she welcomed it, moving with him, making those little noises. His other hand was sliding up and down her thigh; the feel of her skin burning in his. His ears pounded as Mao arched her body against him. His body trembled when she bit his upper lip.

He dragged his mind back and he reluctantly pulled away, taking her lower lip with him. She was still pressed against him, her mind slowly waking up from the exhilaration as they gazed at each other, breathless. She was looking flushed, her lips raw and he reined in the flood of desire going through him again.

“Now tell me you don’t want this…” His voice rough with emotion.

She was now realizing what just happened… The sight of his dishevelled hair, the sight of his red lips… What she allowed herself to do… She lost control… Everything she said… Everything she wanted him to understand just flew out the window… She just wanted him… Every bit of him…

She pulled away immediately. Straightening up her dress and raking her hands through her hair. Not willing to look at him. She could feel his gaze on her. She started for the door, avoiding him. A trembling hand shooting up to her lips as she made her way out.

Jun stood there, his blood still rushing. His lips still feeling hers on it. He slowly slid down his seat, closing his eyes as he thought about what he had done. He buried his head in his hands, waiting for the image of her to disappear from his mind.

But that was impossible…

It had always been impossible…

Chapter 25: The Ice Melts

“Where the hell have you been these past two days?”

Aiba stood in front of Jun’s desk, his hands in his pockets, head bowed down. He couldn’t look him in the eyes; even Ohno who stood by the side, watching him. Guilt making him unable to face the concern, mixed with grief, at what they suspected of him. Jun had gotten right to it, laying everything they’ve heard as soon as he came in. They never looked further into it, trusting him to tell them everything.

“I’m a grown man. I can do whatever I damn well please. This is my life. You don’t have to get into my business.” His jaw tightened as Jun’s expression grew dark.

“I have to because you’re being an idiot,” Jun stated in an even voice. “How long have you been using?”

Aiba looked away and didn’t answer. Ohno looked like he wanted to say something but he had to calm himself down first. Things might get more heated as it is.

“Nagase is bullshitting about the stolen drugs. I had nothing to do with that. To think you’d even suspect-“

“Don’t turn this around on us,” Jun cut him off. He could see Aiba was trying to keep his temper in check. “All I want to know is how long have you been using? I regret it had to be Nagase to make us take notice. But I didn’t really think you-“

Jun stopped himself. Aiba’s eyes flashed at that. He didn’t need this guilt trip. He didn’t need their pity. Do they even know how hard it is for him? How truly hard it is to face himself everyday of his life? So what if he’d found that this was the only way he can escape it? Escape that haunting feeling, that excruciating pain of knowing he isn’t able to do anything for Yui… He fucking needs this because nothing else can bring him that moment’s relief… That moment where he didn’t have to think… Didn’t have to feel… Everything was just in the wind… Nothing really matters… Just the high that takes him away…

“I need this.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jun’s eyes flashed. He’s had enough. Seeing one of his best friends, his family, doing this to himself… And he had been clueless all this while…

He’s been lying to them, fucking up his life and that’s all he’s going to say? He needs it? And the fact that they are here, wanting to help him, only to have him look at them as if they were the ones trying to destroy what’s left of it…

“Are you trying to kill yourself? Because let me tell you-“ Ohno started.

“You could say that.” Aiba’s eyes slid to Ohno, as if he didn’t have a care. “I already have nothing.”

At that moment, the door opened and Mao stepped in, hearing what he just said. He didn’t look at her, knowing what he’ll see. Even just standing there he knew just what she’s thinking. He had his eyes on the floor again, the frustration in his chest growing. Knowing that whatever Mao is thinking… It would have been what Yui would be thinking too…

If she were here…

“Is eveything true, Aiba?” Her voice was gentle. Caring… No traces of any blame directed at him. She just wanted to know the truth…

It made something snap in him. He didn’t want to hear that from her. He had enough problems with himself as it is; he didn’t need to be handling her softness… Something she fought so hard not to show anymore… But it was there… It had always been there… But so what? It wouldn’t do him any good… Just going to momentarily blind him from something he cannot hide from. Can never hide from…

Why show it now? Why can’t she just go back to pretending to hate them?

“Don’t do this to yourself. Please. You know I don’t have to say it. You know this is so wrong.” He heard her coming up close to him. He pretended to not see her stopping beside him, looking up at him, trying to reach him. “You can’t waste your life away like this. How can you say you have nothing when-“

She looked taken aback at the cool look Aiba gave her. “I’m just doing what you’re doing, Mao.”

Jun and Ohno’s eyes snapped to him. She looked at him, at first unable to comprehend what he was saying. Aiba knew he had to get this out. The weight of this is just too much. It was so obvious in each of them that it’s driving him insane.

“I know what you’re afraid to tell me. That I should let go, move on. Stop wallowing in the past; I still have a lot going on. Because it’s Yui, right? You don’t want to hear yourself saying it.” Aiba’s eyes were glinting dangerously. “You try and tell me this but look at yourself, Mao. Look at what you’re doing to yourself.”

“Aiba…,” Jun started. The warning in his voice.

Mao was looking at Aiba, as if she doesn’t know him really. Aiba took a step towards her. He wasn’t finished and no one is going to stop him. His whole being was shaking but he tried to cover that.

“Look at what you’re doing to us! How long has it been since you actually looked at us, Mao? Huh?” Mao stood her ground, but the lump in her throat was hurting. “So I should be grateful to see you are still concerned about me then? Is that it? I should jump right now at the opportunity to change things just because you are now willing to show you care?”

“You know it isn’t like that.” Her voice shook just a little.

“Because really, having people around that loves you makes everything okay. Shouldn’t you be taking your own advice then?” Aiba ignored Jun’s voice telling him to stop it. “Move on, let go, stop wallowing in the past, Mao! We’re standing right here! We’ve always been standing right here but you choose to ignore that. The man you love, the man who’s willing to do anything for you is standing right in front of you! You know he would never ever hurt you, but you refuse to believe in him! Because you can’t let go!”

“Aiba!” Jun shouted, seeing Mao in too much distress.

Aiba ignored him. “You can’t let go of what happened in the past! You can’t forget! Well, I can’t too, Mao and you know that! Aren’t you wasting your life away too by pulling away from everyone who cares about you? Aren’t you hurting yourself, hurting everyone around you just because you can’t pull yourself out of the pain? Telling yourself this life, the people in it, we, caused you everything? You’re not allowing anyone in! You built the wall around you yourself. But I get you, Mao. I do. And I thought you of all people will understand what I’m going through. It’s drugs for me. It’s this life for you.”

“We’re both pretending we have nothing. Just so we don’t have to face ourselves. How about that? So when you’re ready to move on, maybe I will think about it.”

“That’s enough.” Jun said, his voice shaking slightly.

The tears burned in the back of her eyes. Her chin quivered. Aiba was looking at her, trying to mask his own emotions after that outburst. He then tore his gaze away from her, taking a deep breath.

“Enough is right. All of this…” He shook his head; not knowing whether to laugh or cry. “I would have thought that seeing what happened to Yui… What happened to me… You’d make the most of every minute… And seeing the two of you just-“

“You think I’m the only fucked up one here?” He gave a helpless laugh. He looked around at all of them. “This right here is every bit fucked up.”

His eyes glistened; giving them one last look and turned around. He stalked out, having almost pulled the door off its hinges. The look Ohno gave them before he went off to talk some sense into Aiba was heartbreaking. Conveying that what they he had said cannot be denied…

Mao stood there, her eyes on the floor, looking like the wind was knocked out of her. Jun weakly took a seat, a faraway look in his eyes. He covered his eyes with a hand, unable to make himself look at her right now. The words they’ve heard… Deep in his heart he knew those were his words as well…

He could feel her eyes on him…

After a moment more, he knew she’d left the room…

He took away his hand, looking at the door. The anguish burning inside him.

Aiba was right. They were every bit as fucked up as he is…

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Feeling all the strength he tries to hold on to leaving him.

Finding himself in another one of those brief momentary weaknesses…

Of thinking he should give up on her…

Just give up on the hope of ever having her back…

**

“I just want to know where on earth he got the money for the bar.”

Mao looked up at her jie. Mei was walking with the basket of food in her hands while she carried the second one. They were making their way towards their camp; kids’ voices could be heard ahead. A few of the volunteers were trying to keep the raucous down. The outdoors was doing wonders to their energy.

They were finally on that proposed trip they’ve been planning. She’d helped finalized it the past few days, which was a big help in distracting her. She had kept all thoughts of the incident with Aiba at bay but in her solitary moments, they still manage to creep up on her… Further pushing her over the edge… Confusion, frustration, helplessness… Once in a while she feels a jolt of these emotions, catching her off guard.

But even with the pressing thoughts, she didn’t fail to notice her jie had been a bit withdrawn. Ever since the time Ge had whisked her off for a surprise. Though she tries hard to hide it. She had asked how the surprise went, not really expecting to be asking at all. She would have thought her jie wouldn’t be able to keep it in, gushing about it as soon as they saw each other. But her answer was vague, less than enthusiastic; claiming it wasn’t much of a surprise so there really wasn’t much to say. Sensing she wasn’t ready to talk about it, whatever it was, she didn’t pursue it anymore. Sensitive to such moments…

But it was worrying her, her usual sunny disposition was nowhere to be seen. Something she could always count on. She thought right now would be a good opportunity to try to find out the reason. She had carefully asked if anything happened lately. She hadn’t seen Ge in a while now… Her jie had hesitated at first, then admitted there was something troubling her.

“But I don’t want to burden you with our problems…” Mei had said.

“Don’t think like that.”

“It’s just that I know you’ve always had a lot on your mind… Even if you don’t say it.” She gave her a small understanding smile.

She knew the feeling… She didn’t think her jie should go around knowing and worrying about her situation. It was something she could live without. She thought of it as protecting her somehow…

Mao smiled back. “I’m sorry… I’m just really worried…”

She took solace in knowing that their world was just right… Just as it should be… And seeing something might be jeopardizing that… She didn’t want to think about it really…

Mei gave her a softened look. She knew Mao had always loved the two of them. Loved what they have. Her concern stemmed from something deeper… She knew she really wanted to know… And right now, having a friend to listen to her was what she needed as well…

And she couldn’t ignore that nagging fear that’s growing day by day…

So she finally told her what the surprise was. That day, Jay had taken her to a bar that was still under renovation. She had looked at him, a little confused as he started to explain why they were there.

It was going to be their bar. A music bar they were going to manage. It was going to be big. The main point is to cater solely to unknown musicians, giving them a chance to showcase their talents. He hasn’t had any luck with his own path but that wasn’t going to stop him from giving someone else a shot at their own dreams. Mei had watched him excitedly going on and on about everything. Where they were setting up the stage, how big it was going to be, how people will be clamouring to get in once they’re finished with the place... Just a lot of big plans. His face shining as he enveloped her in a bear hug, unable to wait to start another new chapter in their lives. Wanting to prove soon just what he can do.

Mei had tried hard to share his enthusiasm. His eagerness. But she couldn’t seem to make herself do it. Watching the wide smile sweeping his face like that, she felt the guilt. But she couldn’t ignore the questions burning in her mind… Particularly the one concerning the money part. Where will he get the funds? That’s what she had asked cautiously. The question didn’t dampen his excitement; she didn’t think anything could at the moment. He had just asked her to trust him and then went off into more of his plans.

She trusted him. She wanted to trust him in this situation. But the nagging doubt… She had voiced her concern again about the money the very next day, and everyday after. It was something he didn’t appreciate; she should trust him. He’s got it all covered. It always led to them fighting. Why can’t he tell her the exact details then, she’d ask. And he’d go off into an angry tirade about how she never really believed he could do something worthwhile. That she never really believed he could be successful. Something that hurt her more than the fact he wasn’t willing to tell her the truth. The problem just weighed on her; she couldn’t shake off the feeling that Jay had gotten himself involved in something dangerous…

“He actually told me he can’t believe I can’t be happy for him. That he’s finally taken a step up.” Mao watched as Mei bitterly shook her head. “He can’t expect me to be behind him for this. I don’t know what he’s been doing. None of it feels right…”

Mao bit her lip in concern. Ge is acting way off… Jie had every right to be concerned. But the pressure he feels… It might have pushed him into taking things a little too far… Just so he can feel like he’s doing something right…

“Do you think he…” Mao’s voice trailed off. Unwilling to hear it out loud.

“It’s the only explanation I can think of… But how can he do that… It’s too-“ Mei gave a frustrated sigh, shifting the basket in her hands. How can he associate himself with those kinds of people? Borrowing money from them… It always comes at a heavy price…

Twigs snapped under their feet as they neared the camp. Mao looked up at her jie’s profile again. She didn’t want to see her like this.

“I could- I could ask someone to look into it,” she plunged on. She didn’t want to have to resort to that but the sooner they know…

Mei looked at her; the gratitude in her eyes. “Thank you… But not just yet… I’m hoping I can convince him to finally be straight with me… I don’t want him to know I’m having him investigated…”

Mao gave a nod. “I’m just here whenever you need me.”

Mei gave her a smile. One of her usual smiles she hadn’t seen for a while.

“Anyway, let’s forget about him for a while,” she suggested, still a little sore at their fight this morning. “The kids are the stars of the day.”

They grinned at each other as they walked into the camp. Soon they were being surrounded by some of those stars, asking what they were having for lunch. Hotdogs, was what Mei had announced and everyone cheered.

They took out the packages as soon as they set the baskets down on the table. Once in a while, warning kids not to take anything just yet. They were all going to have lunch together, at the same time.

Mao was happily joking with the kids when Pi walked by, carrying a stack of wood. His beanie pulled low. He always had this air of melancholy about him. It had been a while since she last had any direct interaction with him. Her concern for Aiba pushed other things aside momentarily. Her eyes followed him as he went. But she was then jolted back as the kids squealed happily when some of the guards brought the ice cream to them.

She and Mei chuckled at that as they almost took down one of the guards in their excitement. Her eyes went back to him. And then as if realizing what she was doing snapped back to what was in front of her.

She just couldn’t help it, can she? What is it about him…? She was so concerned he couldn’t move on from something… Aiba had been right… What did she know about moving on…? Wasn’t she the one still holding on to the past? Then why does she think she could help him? When she couldn’t even do something about herself…

Her eyes involuntarily went to him again. He had thrown the wood down on the ground with the pile. Yuki had come up to him and they started to talk. Or better yet, Yuki started to talk while he pretended he doesn’t hear him.

She sighed inwardly. Maybe helping him really is all about saving herself… She just made it out to be this grand gesture on her part… Maybe the reason why she wanted him to move on… Wanted to see him want to move on… Face whatever he’s avoided for all his life… Is because maybe then she’ll learn something from him…

Maybe she knew in her heart she couldn’t make herself want it… She just needed to see someone like him want it… Maybe she too would have the courage…

Aiba was right… About not letting go… But what he didn’t know… That it was more of the pain she caused… Not what was done to her… She couldn’t bring herself to admit that everyday she had been bringing grief to all of them, including herself… The thought had been buried deep in her heart… Aiba’s words had just woken it up inside her…

She never wanted things to end up like this… She only just wanted to get away… Be alone with her thoughts… Let her think… If only Jun had let her go that time… Would things have been different for them now…? She can’t exactly say…

But she knew it wouldn’t be anything like this…

So what should she do now…?

But that wasn’t important at the moment when her eyes slid to Yuki, suddenly realizing something. Ami. Where was Ami? She would normally be by Yuki’s side. She started looking around for her. She hadn’t heard Ami’s voice chirping out though. Asking if she could eat whatever it is she might find.

She turned to Mei. “Jie, have you seen Ami?”

“The last time I saw her she was with Yuki.”

“I saw her going over there just now!” Akira said, pointing obscurely towards some point near the lakeshore. Something must have caught her attention there.

“Thanks,” she ruffled his hair. Having only a handful of volunteers watch over the kids wasn’t easy. She better go and get her. She quickly broke out of their group and made her way towards the lake. Two of the guards made to go with her when she asked them to stay. They’re needed more with the kids. She then started half-jogging.

She caught the attention of the two who looked like they were having an engaging conversation. Pi’s eyes followed her back when Yuki suddenly pulled hard on his jacket. He snapped his eyes down to him; Yuki’s eyes were narrowed in suspicion.

“And you said you’re not looking. Well, what are you doing now?” He demanded.

“It’s my job.”

“Your job? That’s such a lousy excuse.”

“What is it about bodyguard you don’t get?”

“A bodyguard doesn’t look at whatever they’re guarding like that!”

“Like what? What are you talking about?” This kid really had too much imagination. But a part of him felt a slight worry. What does this kid see when he looks at her? Honestly, he doesn’t even know it himself… Doesn’t want to find out really… Afraid of what it could be…

“I don’t know how you do it!” Yuki rolled his eyes. Then thought about giving him a visual. “It’s kinda like this, you know…”

Pi watched as he worked his face. Squinting his eyes once in a while. Apparently, both of them didn’t know what he was doing.

“You look constipated.”

He then turned to go.

“Well, that’s your look. Not mine!” Yuki started following him, hitching up his backpack. “Just that you have this really soft look in your eyes. And it’s as if you want her to look at you. To see you.”

That brought him to a stop. And to a sort of panic. He turned to him, after dragging his gaze away from where he saw her disappear. “Look, kid. You’ve obviously imagined me to be some sort of rival for you so you’re making things up. My advice: Stop it. No one’s going to take her away from you, okay?”

“Of course I know that,” he replied arrogantly to Pi’s back. And then muttered to himself, “I wouldn’t even worry about it if I hadn’t seen Sensei looking at you like that too.”

“What’s that?” Pi asked, glancing back at him.

“Nothing. I just said maybe your constipated look might just turn Sensei away,” he smirked.

Pi ignored that. “So go and bother someone else for a change. Where’s your friend?”

Yuki looked around for Ami. “Should be here some place. I told her to go find Sensei. Hey, that’s not the way to get firewood. Are you going to follow Sensei?”

Pi gave a strangled look. He was just trying to avoid that big branch blocking his way. “Of course not. I’m not her stalker. That’s you, right?”

“Ha-ha. Funny. I’ll just keep an eye on you for a while more.”

Pi shook his head. Yuki followed behind, his eyes on him, trying to figure him out. Unable to shake off the feeling that there was more to Sensei and him…

**

“Ami?”

“I found him!” Ami’s voice rang out.

Her heart jumped to her throat. Ami was sitting in a small rowboat, holding something in her hand, beaming. The boat was still slowly drifting away.

Mao ran towards the wooden dock. Her feet taking her to Ami as fast as they could. She called to her, “Ami, what happened? Why are you in the boat?”

“I was following him and he jumped inside!” Ami brought up the frog in her hands. “I told him I wanted him to meet Mr. Tortoise! That way Mr. Tortoise can have a new friend!”

Mao reached the end of the dock. That boat should have been tied properly. She pushed her hair off her face, trying to see how deep the water was. Ami was almost drifting off to the middle.

“Ami, I want you to stay still, okay? I’m going to come and get you. Just don’t move.”

Ami nodded happily. “I thought we could go on a trip first so we can get to know each other better. That way I will know if he’s a right friend for Mr. Tortoise.”

Mao was taking off her cardigan, panic starting to rise. Ami was starting to fidget around as the frog was trying to jump out her hands.

“Ami, don’t move. Just stay still. Don’t-“

“No! Mr. Tortoise’s friend!”

“Ami, don’t-!”

Ami had gone into the water, jumping after the frog. Mao shouted for help, shouted as loud as she can. She hoped her voice would carry. Cold water soon surrounded her as she dove in. She burst out of the water, swimming directly towards Ami who was splashing around, panicking as the water weighed her down.

She had reached her finally, almost out of breath. The cold was getting to her. She fought to keep her head clear. Ami’s panic still hasn’t subsided. She was still flailing and kicking. Mao took her by the waist, telling her soothingly that she’s got her now. Everything was going to be okay. She then felt a sharp pain as Ami’s elbow connected with the side of her head.

The dizziness came instantly. Her mind felt like it was floating. Her hold on Ami has loosened; the cries seemed far away now… She didn’t know where she was… A certain calm coming over her… She didn’t feel cold anymore… Fighting against it just made it worse, she now knows… Right now, as everything slipped away from her… She recognized it…

Peace…

She felt at peace…

She wanted to hold on to that…

She felt it pulling her… Pulling her further into that feeling… And she welcomed it… Everything around her went hazy…

She was slowly falling…

Fading…

Soon, there will be nothing to hurt her anymore…

Soon…

**

“Oh my god!”

Pi tore towards the dock. He was vaguely aware there were others behind him, all crying out. All his energy, all his thoughts were concentrated on the spot where she had been just a second ago.

Her shouts echoed around and in an instant he was flying towards the direction she took. He heard the kid crying for the others to hurry. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, remembering the fear in her voice.

He’d reached the shore, quickly scanning around and saw her with the girl in the lake. In the kid’s panic, she had hurt her and saw her holding steady for a while before slipping under. They were losing the kid too.

Their feet pounded on the wooden dock. He’d taken off his jacket midway and threw it down. He felt the water and heard a couple more splashes around him. He gritted his teeth, swimming with all his strength; his muscles reaching their limit.

It felt like they would never reach them.

He dove under, reached forward and instantly grabbed the first to come in contact with his hands. He surfaced, clutching her close to him, holding her head carefully above water. He saw two of the guards swimming away now with the little girl. One of them looked back to see if he’s secured her. He gave a nod, his eyes raking over her pale face, and made his way back. His ears still pounding and his heart feeling like it was about to burst.

**

“Mao!” Mei called out, rushing to her side. Tears glistening in her eyes.

He’d carried her out of the water and laid her on the ground. The guards tried to stop the others from crowding around. His hands shook slightly, his breathing heavy as he brushed away the hair from her face. Her body lifeless. Her face drained of all color. He instantly started performing CPR.

He was unaware of the noises around him. They seemed to be calling for her to wake up. His eyes were trained on her face; still unconscious. His heart felt like it was going to come out of his chest. Something painful was in his throat. He placed his mouth over hers, breathing in. He straightened up, starting the chest compressions once more. All the while watching for any signs of life. His mind was shouting for her to come to. To open her eyes.

Just open her eyes.

“Come on, come on!” He muttered, teeth gritted. Mei was watching Mao closely, praying for her to be alright.

He swore under his breath and swooped down; his mouth over hers. Breathing life into her. He felt the panic as she still wasn’t coming to. He was about to lean down again when she suddenly coughed the water out, her eyes snapping open.

A huge wave of relief washed over everyone around as a strangled cry of happiness came from Mei.

He stared down at her, all his energy, his adrenaline now seeping away. Her hand suddenly clamped onto his wrist as she coughed some more looking around her, dazed. He watched, swallowing painfully, as she blinked up, her eyes unfocused. She still wasn’t letting go of his wrist. He made a sudden movement but caught himself when Mei put her palm on the side of her cheek, telling her she’s safe now.

She and Ami were being carried off on stretchers, followed by sniffing kids and volunteers. He looked at the ground where she had laid for a while, then slowly got up. The pounding was still in his ears.

“Thank you,” Mei said quietly, the warm smile on her lips.

He nodded mutely. She gave him one last grateful look and turned to go.

He stayed back, looking at the spot on the ground again. Remembering the life coming back to her.

He drew in a shaky breath.

The overwhelming relief he felt weakened him to his core…

**

Pi looked at her cabin door. Contemplating whether he should just knock and then leave the basket of food by her door. That way he wouldn’t have to face her. He looked around as if somehow there will be a sign telling him what he should do.

He had found a spot where he could eat alone, away from the campfire and from the people. Somewhere no one will be able to bother him. The downside to that was the events from earlier kept replaying in his head. And whatever he felt that came with it… His food was left untouched as he tried to comprehend the grave fear he felt when she laid there in front of him; unmoving, pale as a ghost…

As if the idea of losing her…

He was saved from his thoughts when the kid appeared at his side again. He thought he was there to annoy him about something but then the kid was at his most serious, thanking him for saving his Sensei. He had looked at the kid in a new light; he was alright. Then explaining to him it was all part of the job description. Something the kid had scoffed at and pointed out he had looked scared half to death then. Even right now still. He had no chance to rebuke that when Miss Mei had called to them, carrying with her a basket of food. She had softened at him considerably after rescuing Mao and had suggested he take Mao’s dinner to her. He wasn’t sure about that, the kid was protesting strongly too, saying he could bring it instead. Miss Mei shushed him softly. She would have wanted to take it to her herself, but she thought it would be better if he did. She knows Mao would want to thank him personally.

And here he was… Maybe if he had protested as strongly as the kid did, he could have gotten out of it. Though he knew Miss Mei was already decided.

He stood there for a while longer. And then took a deep breath, finally deciding to brave it. He can give her the food and then just leave right away. That’s a plan. He rapped a hand on the door. His heart was slowly starting to race when he heard her coming to the door.

But when the door swung open, whatever plan he came up with, if that can even be called a plan, all was forgotten as his eyes fell on her. She stood there, an oversized sweater wrapped around her, her hair falling softly, framing her face. Which now had the color he wanted to see in them. She still looked a little wan but he could see the slight pinkish tinge on her cheeks. Her eyes were more alive now, though still drooping a little from exhaustion. Her lips now had-

He immediately snapped back to her eyes. Just realizing she was saying something.

“They told me what happened…,” he heard her say. “Thank you. Just thank you. I don’t know what else to say. That’s the second time you’ve saved me.”

That unfamiliar warmth was creeping up on him as she gave him the softest smile.

“Next time just ask for help. Jumping in like that could have caused both of your lives.”

Mao seemed to be biting back a response to that. She gave another smile, as if reminding herself of something. “I’ll remember that the next time I want to stand around and do nothing while someone’s in danger.”

“Good. So I don’t have to save you anymore.”

“Wouldn’t dream of taking you away from more important matters.”

They stood there without another word. Mao peeked up at him. He looked as cool as ever. Not knowing what was going through him at that moment. He seemed to be struggling with something and covered that by wordlessly handing her the basket containing her dinner. As soon as she took it, he turned around to leave.

She watched his back. As usual, she was left with confusing thoughts about his attitude. He isn’t really that cold… is he…? She looked surprised when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, as if giving something some thought, before turning around to face her again.

“Just… Just be careful next time.”

It was the gentlest she’s ever seen him. She had stared a moment as if mesmerized by this side of him and then shook herself mentally.

“I-I will.”

“Please stop putting yourself in situations where I have to save you.” It was almost like an earnest plea, hidden behind a snarky remark. And it truly is just that. Facing her again, he’s confirmed something to himself. He didn’t like the idea of losing her… It was crazy… It was ridiculous… But it was what he was feeling…

Lose her…?

It’s not as if she’s his to begin with… But the only warmth he’s ever known… the only warmth that’s ever penetrated his heart…

He can’t lose that…

He just can’t…

Mao seemed resigned at the fact he’s always going to have a snide remark ready at the next instant.

“Then let the others save me. You can just hang back. I promise I won’t hold it against you.”

His lips gave a sad quirk. The problem was he wants to save her… She just makes him want to save her… And he can’t stop himself… The indescribable expression on his face left her curious. He turned to go, leaving her a whole lot more confused.

He kept walking, seeming to want to put as much distance as he can between them. That could have gone a lot worse… Though he couldn’t be so sure... After that realization…

He still hasn’t reeled back from it, to even form a solid plan on what he was going to do next… This was something he can’t deny anymore… Unable to fathom how he ever allowed that to happen… He rolled his shoulders unconsciously… Does someone like him even have the right to feel it…

His head snapped up. Someone was coming up the path. He carefully took a look round the corner.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He looked around and moved quickly.

**

Jun rounded the corner. He thought he heard someone, checking the surroundings. He let it go as soon as Mao’s cabin came into view. He was at the door now, knocking. Not knowing how she’d react seeing him here. Unhappily was what he predicted. But he was making it a point to spend as much time with her as possible. He didn’t care that they were on a tight schedule and have decided to go all the way up here to surprise her. Though he knows he never gets the desired result from these surprises, still… He misses her…

He’d then received word of what happened here just as he was getting ready. And it made him want to see her more. He needed to know that she’s really alright. It felt like it had taken forever to arrive here.

The door swung open.

“Is there a snide remark you forgot to leav-“

Mao’s wide eyes stared at him, forgetting the rest of her words. Her eyes went from him to his guard carrying an overnight bag and then back to him once more.

“Snide remark? What’s that all about?” He gave a small smile, waiting for her eyes to cloud over. It was what he was used to. Mao snapped to it. To his surprise and slight relief, she didn’t seem to be too resentful that he has appeared on her front step.

“I-It’s nothing. What are you doing here?”

“I needed a break.” He gave a shrug. He looked at her reaction; she still seemed a bit thrown off. He knew exhaustion must be a factor. What she experienced… He took a step forward. His hand reached for her face but he stopped himself.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded wordlessly. Jun had taken another tentative step forward, looking down at her in concern. She still looked a little pale. He gently pulled her sweater tighter around her. She looked up at him, tense, but she didn’t pull away.

He took it as a good sign.

“Can I come in?” He softly asked.

She knew what he meant. She seemed hesitant at first but then she gave another nod in the end. She didn’t meet his gaze and stepped inside. Jun took the bag from his guard and closed the door. She had disappeared into her room as soon as he turned around. He made his way towards the small couch, dropping his bag on the floor. He heard her door opening and she stepped out with an extra pillow and blanket. She placed it down on the couch. Jun then stopped her when she was about to go back.

His hands slid down her arms to her hands, holding on to them. She tried to pull away, her head down.

“Mao, is everything really okay?” As happy as he was to see her not pushing him away or avoiding him at all cost… He knew something was troubling her. She wasn’t trying that hard to let him know she didn’t want to see him.

No, everything was not okay. After the incident in the lake, she now realizes just how much time she’s given up on. She’s been living all this while like it was a burden to be alive. Yes, she gave in to that feeling… That feeling of peace she longed so hard for… It was tempting… Really tempting… But when she came to, seeing everything around her, feeling everything around her… That peace wasn’t worth it… She wanted to be able to find it for herself… Not because she had no choice… She wanted it to be on her terms…

And seeing Jun standing right in front of her after an incident like that, it just made it all the more clear… She wanted it to end now… She didn’t want them to waste anymore time… No more tears, no more anguish… No more… And she needed to work hard on that… She needed to be stronger for that…

Mao shook her head and met his gaze. The softness and concern in them… She fought not to be affected at first… But then… She has really decided…

“How’s Aiba?”

Jun gave her hands a squeeze. She was willing to look at him now. Just this moment was enough to make him regret all those times he thought of giving up. How could he...?

“I’ve talked to him. He’s going into rehab whether he likes it or not. Everything’s going to work out… We’re behind him on this.”

He went on. “About the last time, Mao… I think we-“

“Should talk soon, right?”

Jun nodded. He let go of her hands slowly and then cupped her face; She seemed to look paler now. His eyes roamed over her. Was it just the exhaustion that’s leaving her meeker than usual?

“I think you should go and rest now,” Jun suggested.

She nodded. She was about to go when Jun stopped her. His eyes fixed on her. She couldn’t seem to look away. His gaze slowly went to her lips and then back to her eyes again. She almost couldn’t breathe. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead, lingering for a while as he took in the scent of her hair. She slowly closed her eyes. He pulled back.

“Good night,” he said and Mao went back to her room without another word.

He stood there looking at her closed door. Not really understanding what was happening. Mao was more compliant than she ever was… And he had missed that, almost unable to control himself. He wanted to kiss her so much… But he didn’t know what to make of the situation just yet.

He continued to stand there. Hope and fear clashing inside him…

**

Pi moved away from the window. His jaw tightening as he made his way. He shouldn’t have come back. What the hell made him come back?

Matsumoto?

Matsumoto coming here for her…?

He jammed his hands inside his jacket pockets. Shouldn’t she have turned him away? Why would she allow him to spend the night under the same roof? The image of them inside the living room coming back to him; Matsumoto’s lips on her… He walked through some branches, showering him with leaves, but he didn’t seem to notice.

Why is she allowing him in again…?

He didn’t like what it could mean…

Not realizing that his frustration had nothing to do with its effect on his plans…

Chapter 24: Closer {Part II}

**

Jun looked up from his laptop. He could hear the noises coming from outside. It sounded like Mao; shouting for something. A door banging and then it was quiet again. Ohno came into the study moments later.

“What was that all about?” he asked, a curious frown between his brow. It’s been a while since he last heard her voice like that. She was usually quiet and reserved now, wanting to be away from people. She was never herself anymore in the house. Which he had sorely missed. But it held so much painful memories for her; consuming whatever life she could bring…

Hearing her voice resounding through the house again, it brought him mixed emotions. He felt joy, relief, sadness, and a slight hurt. Joy that she had for one moment come out of her shell; that he heard that slight excitement in her voice again… Relief that she was trying to pull out of whatever darkness she locks herself in… But the sad reality that he isn’t a part of whatever was making her happy sliced through him… He didn’t even know what it could be… He wasn’t the one that can give her that anymore… She wasn’t allowing him to…

The pain that gripped his heart…

“She says she’s having breakfast outside.” Ohno had run into her. She was hurriedly putting on a jacket and gave him the message, then quickly went over to the car. She had slid in before giving Yamashita a small smile. He closed the door, loosening his tie a bit as he went over the passenger side. The car had peeled off the driveway, followed by another.

He had stood there for a while. The smile Mao gave Yamashita… He had shaken it off, making his way inside. He must be thinking too much into it. Although she’s never smiled at any of the guards before. She’s never really smiled at anyone…

He took out his cellphone and asked Yamashita to get back to him on where they are headed.

“Is she that excited to be having breakfast alone?” Jun asked no one in particular. The mild bitterness present in his voice. They weren’t able to have their usual breakfast again this morning. He silently cursed his business meetings.

Ohno decided to keep his earlier observations to himself as he watched Jun. He can’t add more to his grief this early in the morning. Or ever. It could be just nothing… He made a mental note to check on Yamashita and get a report from him. It’s been a while since he found time to do that.

“What’s she been up to lately? Seems like her mood’s a bit lighter the past days…” Jun was frowning at his laptop screen in thought.

“The kids are probably working their magic. I heard she’s got them two pets.”

“Really?” He felt that slight twinge in his heart again. She would always tell him the stories before… Now, he gets reports from Ohno about what’s going on with her.

He was half-listening to Ohno informing him their schedule for the day; drawing up a schedule of his own to change the way things were going lately. He’s been spending too much time away… Something needs to be done about that…

**

“바보.” (Babo.)

The giggles erupted from them as Mao tried to make the correct pronunciation. Hye sipped her coffee while Mao continued making the sounds. They were sitting on the grass in the park, shaded under a large tree. Both women had their legs stretched out, a pack of churros between them.

Her ringing cellphone had roused her from her sleep that morning. It was Hye, calling to make a breakfast date. In half an hour. She had sprung up, running around like a headless chicken, trying to get ready in two minutes. She called Yamashita up to get the car ready immediately, washed up, changed her clothes, and lastly jammed a fedora on top of her serious bedhead. Thundering down the stairs, she had shouted at the guards standing guard below if the car was already out there. They weren’t really used to her shouting that they stared for a while then scrambled to get the door for her. She had met Ohno on the way out. Thankfully he didn’t have the chance to ask anything. But he probably already knows where they were.

Hye had been waiting for her on the grass. She apologized profusely for being late. Hye waved it away with her hand. She was the one who needed to apologize for making such a last minute date with her. She was already here when she called her, thinking she should be the one waiting for her this time since she wasn’t able to make it to their lunch. Mao had sat down beside her with a smile. Hye said there was still a huge mess at the bar and she couldn’t leave it. Though she was able to find time for a little breakfast today. Unfortunately, she can’t stay too long.

Their conversations came with ease. Both women just taking to each other. Talking about anything under the sun. Mao tried to avoid talking about her past or her life though. She left Hye to do the talking, wanting to know how she came here. She didn’t know how it is they ended up having Korean lessons as they enjoyed their churros. From the ever popular curse words, the I love you, and other random stuff. They were laughing too much, earning a few scandalized stares from the morning joggers, the obaasans and the ojiisans.

“죽을래?” (Jugulle?)

Mao pretended to say it seriously to the jogger whom they’ve noticed kept coming back around, eyeing them with suggestive looks. Hye stifled her laughter in case the nearby obaasan was going to shoot her a fierce glare again.

“What’s with the suits?” Hye then asked, a curious smile on her lips.

Mao’s eyes went to them. She told them to stay away from view. Not exactly ready to tell Hye…

“Well…”

“Are you a politician’s daughter or something?”

Or something… Mao gave a slight grimace. Hye noticed her hesitation, deciding she should change the topic; she wasn’t ready to tell her anything just yet. Her eyes then fell on Pi. She’s been noticing something for the last five minutes.

“Why is he always glancing back with that look?” Hye mumbled almost to herself, the churros halfway from her mouth.

“Maybe he’s afraid Obaasan over there might suddenly come at us wielding a samurai or something.”

Hye masked a snort at the image. Mao’s eyes were on him now. He stood a little distance away, his back turned to them, watching guard. She was unaware that Hye was still looking too, as if mystified about something.

“How do you say ‘turtle’ in Korean?”

That made Hye forget about Pi for a second. Looking amused at the weird question. Where did that come from? “Turtle? It’s거북이 (Kabugi).”

“거북이.” Mao repeated, grinning. Her eyes still on him.

Hye didn’t miss that. What was up? The soft smile on her face piqued her interest. Wondering what could be behind it. There was a hint of sadness there too… For Pi?

“Something special about turtles?” Hye casually asked, biting on the churros.

“Hm?” Mao tore her gaze from him. Hye was looking at her curiously. She chuckled, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Nothing really, I…”

She looked at Hye. She had someone to talk to now, hasn’t she? There really was no one else she can turn to… She needed to air her thoughts out… Because she honestly didn’t know what she was doing… The way she was drawn to him… It was alarming… But he was trying so hard to mask the wounds…

She felt she needed to help him…
Wanted to help him…

She just wanted to see at least one of them have a chance to get their life back…

But he doesn’t want her help…

Should she just leave him alone then? Should she just listen to that voice that tells her not to get too close? The effect after the moviehouse was slowly fading; more rational thoughts were surfacing. She was rushing into this…

Hasn’t she been down this road before? And in the end she got burned… She was heading towards the unknown… She didn’t really know him… Didn’t know if he can be trusted…

And yet…

“What do you think about Yamashita?” She then asked. Hye might help her clear her mind.

“Him?” Hye said thoughtfully when Mao pointed to him. Her eyes slightly narrowed as Pi tried hard not to look back again. “Very handsome guy.”

Mao’s lips quirked. She does know that’s the first thing everyone notices. Observing it from the salesgirl in the pet shop, the ladies at the mall, even one or two of the obaasans had suddenly appeared beside him. He seemed oblivious about it all though, frowning politely at them as they grinned up appreciatively at him.

“I think they noticed too.” Mao indicated to the obaasans as she chuckled. He was moving to the side, thinking the obaasans wanted the spot. “But he is beyond irritating.”

Hye almost choked in laughter at how serious she looked. Pi was really giving her the full blast of his charms.

“Really? With that face of his?” Hye tried to keep a straight face.

“I never really noticed. I just thought he is one weird guy. Still thinks he is.” Mao gave a little amused smirk. “But moreover, there’s a coldness to him…”

Hye’s eyes snapped to her. The concern behind her eyes and voice… She was softening at her even more. She doubts even Pi can come under her gaze unaffected… He’s not as strong as he thinks he is… So the way he was looking over here explains it all…

“I’m sorry I’m telling you all this but I just have to let it out,” Mao lowered her head sheepishly. She was glad Hye wasn’t actually weirded out at her for being affected by one of her guards. Not really what one would expect.

But just having someone who will just listen.... She was really thankful for that. The weight of those thoughts lifting at some point.

Hye gave her an encouraging smile. “I’m here.”

“I just don’t get him,” Mao continued, as she got over the embarrassment. The frustrations needed to go. And once she started, she can’t seem to stop. “It’s like it’s his life’s mission to just irritate the hell out of me. And his mood swings! One day he’s all cheeky and irritatingly friendly and the next he just bites my head off like I offended him or something. It’s a vicious cycle, really. I don’t ever know how I should approach him.”

“It makes you just want to stomp on him, right?” Hye offered as Mao gave a firm nod. She knew the feeling. But it’s more like she’s frustrated at the way he looks at life… And at the fact she knows she can’t make his views change…

Not because she can’t take this schizo Pi that Mao seems to be getting to know… He is definitely different around her… Probably because he doesn’t know how to deal with Mao’s gentleness towards him…

Could she…? Hye continued to listen to her.

“And then here’s another side to him.” The sigh escaped Mao’s lips. “He helped me the other day. I don’t really know why… Though he can’t imagine just how grateful I truly feel. I try to show that but somehow it’s making him more determined to get away…”

She missed the sadness in Hye’s eyes, her eyes going to his back again. Hye quickly recovered herself.

“I know there’s a reason behind that anger. He feels like he’s alright just the way he is… Unwilling to take off his mask and face the truth…” But she couldn’t forget the vulnerability she glimpses behind his eyes... The world had been unkind to him… ”I want to help him. And I can’t get it out of my head… You must think I’m crazy, huh? You still have a chance to get out.”

Hye gave a kind chuckle as Mao gave a small smile. “What are you talking about? I think it’s great you want to return the favour… But, hope you don’t mind me asking, why are you feeling so strongly about this?”

Why…? Because she understands that trapped feeling that comes with the darkness… She’s still there… Unable to find a way out of it… And he was the same… Whether he admits it or not, he wants that way out as well… She doesn’t know what happened to him… What he saw in his past… But she wanted to know… So she could slowly help him…

Her situation, no matter how she looks at it… She wasn’t going anywhere… Jun will never let her go…

But he can give himself another chance…

If he can find his way out…

Maybe someday she can too…

“I don’t know… I think I know what he could be going through...” She smiled sadly. The image of him at the orphanage standing under the tree came back to her. “But maybe I’m just fooling myself to think I can even do anything…”

Should she even be doing anything?

She looked to him again. Hye followed her gaze.

A phone suddenly rang. They both jumped at that, the subdued moment gone. Hye gave an apologetic look and checked inside her bag.

“Shoot. I should be going back.” Hye said, looking really disappointed, dropping the call.

Mao started to get up, brushing away the crumbs from her clothes. “I’ve been rambling on and on. I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry about it. I’m happy you’re willing to confide in me,” Hye interrupted her.

They stood there, smiling at each other.

Pi had noticed they’re almost done and slowly started towards them. He watched as Mao reached out a hand to shake with Hye. But Hye had stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Mao looked mildly startled at that. He on the other hand looked quite concerned.

Hye pulled back. She couldn’t help it, wanting to give her strength. She knew she’ll need it. And the fact that she was feeling the guilt again… Even more so now that she’s spent a little time with her. Her honest desire for some semblance of normalcy in her life… Her concern for Pi…

What will happen if she ever finds the truth about them? That she was just part of a plan…

Should she still do this to her?

“You’ll be alright.” Hye worked her lips into an encouraging smile; trying to tone the guilt down. She honestly hopes so. Hye glanced towards Pi who was making his way to them. “Just go with what your instincts tell you.”

Mao gave a wan smile. “My instincts? My instincts tell me to stay away… I don’t know what I could be getting into. I could just get hurt in the end… Or maybe it’s really I could hurt him in the end.”

Hye grinned at her as she narrowed her eyes at Pi. She was still showing spirit. And that’s what she needs to see. There’s always some hope there really… She didn’t know what the result of her deciding to do this could be…

“But you’re already decided, right?” Hye said, smiling with her eyes. Mao looked at her. “I think doing this is somehow important to you too… I am not in a position to say anything but…here’s a chance to help both him and you out. He’s not going to ask for any help… Do what your heart’s already telling you to do.”

Hye gave her arm a squeeze and cheerily said good-bye. She walked away looking back for a last smile. Mao returned it and saw Pi stopping close by from the corner of her eye. She glanced at him. Thinking about Hye’s words. She took in the cool morning air, looked up the sky, and then gave a small nod, as if confirming something to herself.

“Come on, 거북이 (Kabugi),” she said loudly and started to move.

Pi watched her walk past him, looking confused. What did she just call him? He turned his head to Hye who had stopped for a while, looking mighty amused. She had heard. Pi definitely owes her a story. She then gave a haughty shrug at Pi’s questioning look. Giving up on that, he then turned to go, following Mao. Hye’s smile then turned into a concerned frown as she watched their backs.

Pushing them together… Was it the right thing to do? Maybe if she subtly tried to dissuade Mao from helping Pi… But somehow, she just can’t stand aside… He needs her…

They both need each other… Somehow…

She stood there for a while more before moving again.

She hoped she was right…

**

“I don’t know… I really don’t know anything… Please… Please…”

Nagase was pacing in front of Ken. His hands folded behind his back. The gun gleamed under the light. He stopped in front of him, observing him coldly.

“You expect me to believe you know nothing about it? Half of the load is gone!” Nagase roared in his face.

Ken cowered, his knees shaking like mad. Two men stood beside him. Standing by for Nagase’s order.

“I don’t know. I d-didn’t see anything.” His eyes then slid to Yoko, standing slightly in shadow. He could feel his eyes on him, waiting to see if he would spill. But he couldn’t do that. Not when he’s received something in return that night. The drugs and some of the money were still in his room. Yoko could take him down with him.

“Do not lie to me,” Nagase said silkily, placing the gun savagely on his forehead.

“Boss, what if this was an outside job?” One of his men suddenly suggested.

Nagase whipped around at him. A deep frown appearing. “What are you getting at?”

“Come on. Look at the kid. He can pee his pants any minute. He doesn’t have the guts to actually pull something like this with anyone. Do you think… it could be Matsumoto?”

Nagase looked at him like he was missing half his brain. As much as he fucking hates the man he wouldn’t even suspect him. Everyone knows Matsumoto would never get involved in anything related at all to drugs. If he wanted to get to him, he will use other ways. He could shoot him right now for that stupid conclusion. He went to start on the kid again.

“I don’t mean Matsumoto himself, but Aiba Masaki.”

Nagase stopped at that. “What are you getting at?”

“It’s just been rumors but a lot are cropping up lately. Someone’s spotted him buying drugs. He’s been frequenting a strip club; they say he’s been seen using. Who knows? He may be getting much bigger ideas than shooting himself up.”

“He probably found a way to score big and get to you, boss. I’m just saying.”

Nagase digested that information. He looked at the kid, trying to stop the tears from flowing. He was useless. Not really worth any of his time now. This new theory proved to be much more interesting. Aiba Masaki using? Does Matsumoto know anything about this yet?

The malicious grin on his lips said it all. Well, he was going to find out. He can’t wait to slap this in his face.

He pushed Ken away.

“What do we do with him, boss?”

“Let him back to work,” Nagase said distractedly. And then to all his men, “Wu Zun can’t know yet. I will be the one to inform him about this huge mess. Understood?”

They did. They then dispersed; Nagase issuing orders as they went to the car. They need to find out where Matsumoto will be in the next few days. He needs it fast. Two of the men pushed Ken back to his post.

Yoko stepped forward, a satisfied smirk on his lips. His eyes followed Nagase till he disappeared into his car. They then snapped to Ken, following his back. The satisfied smirk replaced with a look of concern.

He needed to talk to him.

**

Yoko stopped the door before Ken could slam it in his face. Ken gave him a pissed look and disappeared inside.

“I apologize about what happe-“

Ken threw something at his feet. Packs of cocaine and scattered bills lay there.

“Just fucking take them back. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to be involved in whatever crap you’re planning.”

“Nagase needed to see your genuine reaction. I had to do that so you can-“

“I told you I don’t give a damn. Just get the fuck out.”

He knew Nagase would forget about him once he saw an opportunity to get to Matsumoto. It was easy to plant that theory in Kobayashi; pretending to have a casual conversation about what may have happened. One of Nagase’s more obnoxious and simple-minded men. He relished being the intellectual one and knew he couldn’t resist being the one to let Nagase know of his amazing deductions. If only his brain was as big as his ego. Everything had worked out just as he hoped.

Yoko looked at him. “I apologize again. And thanks for not saying anything. Don’t worry. This is just the one time.”

“It better be,” Ken said, bitterly. They weren’t particularly close but he took offence at how hypocritical Yoko was. They were the only ones who really help each other. That was what he said. What a joke. They both were under Nagase’s cousin. But he hadn’t been in a week and their aniki passed. They were then shuffled under Nagase and life is shitty. But at least he knew there were still people he can count on even if he was among sharks. Now he knows how wrong he was.

Yoko gave another bow in apology. He turned to go.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Ken cautioned darkly.

“I do,” Yoko answered. “Take care.”

The door closed behind him.

**

Mao took in the people, the excited chattering, the voice blasting overhead, the cheering and whistling outside; just the energy and life of everything around her. She loved being around it. She stopped by the counters, looking up to see where the odds are at. She and Jun would occasionally come to the racetrack to put in a few bets. Just something for fun. She’s never really won, not even once. Jun always had the luck. He did say she shouldn’t bet on a horse just because she thinks its name is cute or funny. But she didn’t mind not winning. She still gets gifts from him, she always pointed out. He decided to change his mind about the gifts then. She never really takes that seriously. But she’d started to learn a bit as they made the trips regular. Winning just a few; though her gifts to Jun weren’t as extravagant. Something he complains about, teasing her.

She moved again. It’s been a while though… She never really wanted to come here. What was the point? She would never enjoy it anyway… But Jun had some business here today. She’d left the VIP room to while away the time. Knowing the memories would come back to her… Did she suddenly want to remember what it felt like…?

“I never thought I’d get to see you again.”

Mao turned around. She gave a frown. It was the same man from the party. The smile on his face widened.

“You remember me.”

How could she forget? She unconsciously crossed her arms across her chest. Thankfully, his eyes weren’t trying to suggest anything right now. He kept it trained on her face, the small smirk on his lips. Her frown deepened. Did she just imagine that hungry look in his eyes? It was gone in a flash; maybe she just imagined it. She turned to go; something she should have done as soon as she knew it was him.

“Hey-“

Mao pulled back at once. The skin on her arm crawling. “Don’t touch me.”

He held his hands up. In mock apology, she knew. He gave a polite smile. Mao looked warily at him. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

“We got off to a bad start.”

“You think?”

He really enjoyed bantering with her. “Akanishi Jin. And you are?”

She gave him a look, as if she’d ever tell him.

“Hey, come on. Give a guy a chance here.” He’d stepped ahead, preventing her from leaving again. “I’m not really normally like this. You just make me nervous.”

She really didn’t like that look in his eyes.

“You got something here.” He reached out for her hair.

She took a step back.” What are you-“

He wasn’t able to get whatever it was. Pi had stopped his arm and had pushed him away firmly. He automatically shielded Mao. His jaw tightening. Trying to control whatever was pushing him to just wipe that slimy look on his face. Scum like him needed a good beating.

His heart had jumped in his throat when he saw him talking to her. What the hell was he doing here? He seemed to have focused on her. Too focused. If his suspicions were right… He fully blocked her from his view.

“Ah, I forgot about the boyfriend.” But it looked like he had just been waiting for him to appear. “I’m not doing anything really. Just apologizing for the misunderstanding before.”

She just wanted to be away from his presence. Whatever comes out of his mouth is not worth taking seriously. It will be better if they just forget they ever ran into each other. She can’t wait to purge the encounter from her memory.

“Let’s just go,” she said to Pi, under her breath.

Pi flexed his fingers. He was still trying to catch a glimpse of her.

A man suddenly appeared beside him. “Sir, the boss says to come and get you immediately.”

Jin gave an annoyed look. He turned to them again. “I’ll find out your name one way or the other. Till next time, I’m hoping.”

He gave a smirk. Pi watched him go. He had taken a look back though, his eyes on Pi. He was really enjoying this. Pi turned to her when he was out of sight.

“That guy is beyond creepy. He’s just…” She rubbed her arm unconsciously. Everything about him was unsettling… She just wanted to get his slime off her… He wasn’t even making any effort to hide whatever he is… She really hoped that was the end of it.

“Next time don’t go off alone then,” Pi suddenly said. His voice somehow blaming her. Taking out his irritation on her. Why did that guy have to be here with Nagase right now? Of all the places, of all the timing…

“It’s not my problem if you’re not doing your job properly.” Mao glared at him. This is her fault now? Can’t he get his head straight? How was she to know that creep would be here?

Pi looked at her sullenly. He wanted to hang back, but keeping her in his line of sight. This is what happens when he decides to avoid her if he can. He can’t even take it when she’s looking to him with those eyes… Looking really soft and just wanting to reach out to him… He didn’t need that. He had other things to focus on. But now, another thing just added up the list. Akanishi Jin.

Trouble is ahead, he just knows it.

“He’s dangerous,” he then offered. His protectiveness of her… This bodyguard thing must really be getting to him. She really should be careful… but he can’t go into details he shouldn’t even know.

“You don’t need to tell me”. But this time there wasn’t as much bite in her voice. She glanced up at him. “Anyway, thanks.”

Pi didn’t look at her. He focused on something behind her and at a slightly higher angle. His eye still caught something though.

“You’ve got something in your hair,” he pointed out. Anything to just move past the last minute.

“Oh.” Her hand went up. “I thought he was lying about that.”

She tried to brush it away with her fingers, seeing if it would fall off. It was still there.

“Can you help me here?” She then asked.

Pi looked a little lost at the request. He got it a second later. He took a step forward and slowly reached out. Hesitating as his fingers brushed against her hair. He got it and let it fall to the floor.

“Must be from the guy who tore up every betting card he had,” she mused, looking up at him. The guy had thrown the pieces into the air just as she walked by.

“Mao?”

They both turned to Ohno’s voice. Pi immediately distanced himself from Mao, folding his hand in front of him at attention. He had just arrived at the racetrack. Having to handle a problem on his own. Unable to reach Aiba again. He was heading towards the VIP room when he saw them. Ohno glanced at Pi before turning to Mao again.

He looked at his watch. “Should be time for dinner. Let’s go up then?”

Mao gave a nod. Ohno’s eyes slid to Pi once more before they made their way.

**

“You can’t go in there!”

The door burst open. Jun calmly looked up as he tossed down his brandy; his preferred after-dinner drink. Mao looked startled as Nagase and a few of his men stepped in. But nothing could prepare her for the next person. He appeared last beside Nagase, surveying the surrounding, looking really bored. She was almost holding her breath till his eyes fell on her. His eyes widened.

“I don’t think I invited you in, Nagase.” Jun leaned back on the couch. Mao put down the champagne glass on the table. She glanced back at Pi, who was looking darkly at the creep. Jun gave a signal to his men. They shouldn’t even have made their way down the hall.

“So he isn’t your boyfriend.”

Everyone’s eyes were on Jin. Jun’s eyes snapped to where he was pointing at. At Yamashita. Yamashita looked like he was really not liking the guy. Looking at him with something close to disgust. Ohno was closely watching Yamashita as well.

“Your bodyguard, huh?” Jin continued, understanding dawning on him. No one seemed to be stopping him; as if the whole room wanted to know what he was really talking about.

Jun’s eyes fell on Mao. Looking like the guy was leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

“Well, you could have fooled me,” Jin chuckled. “Honestly, the way he was so-“

“Please watch your mouth,” Mao said coolly, her steady gaze on him.

She’s had Jin’s full attention now. His eyes flicked to Jun sitting beside her. “Ah, Matsumoto’s really the one. This is interesting…”

The gleeful look was back on his face. Like he’s just been handed the treat of his life. His eyes went from her to Jun then Pi.

“This got a whole lot more fun…,” he muttered cryptically.

“What do you want, Nagase?” Jun asked steadily. Akanishi’s comments didn’t go unheard. More than anyone else in the room, he wanted to know what they were all about. But he can’t let Nagase see that. He was already watching everything with mild curiosity. He can’t let him see that it matters.

Nagase seemed to snap out of it, giving his cousin a disapproving frown. He almost stole his thunder. He slowly made his way to the couch opposite Jun. Jin followed him, sitting across Mao, who was watching him from the corner of her eye. His eyes kept flicking from her then to Jun. Something in his smile… He then took out his cellphone, soon engrossed in it. At least he wasn’t purposely trying to make her uncomfortable again.

Nagase had taken a seat and crossed his legs. “I just wanted to see Aiba Masaki.”

“What for?” Jun said, his voice almost non-committal. He didn’t need to feed Nagase’s ego.

“I need to discuss with him a matter concerning some stolen drugs from my docks.”

Ohno’s brows snapped together. Jun looked to Nagase, as if fed-up now.

“Get out.”

Nagase barked out a laugh. “Not till I know where he is. Do you even know?”

Jun’s face showed nothing.

“So it’s true then? He’s using. The erratic behaviours, disappearing acts… That really explains it all, huh?” He was gloating. “You know, I don’t even care that much for the drugs now. Because this, this just makes up for it plenty.”

“I’m not saying it again.” Jun’s voice still calm.

“How it must kill you,” Nagase said, a vicious smile sweeping his lips. “You think you truly know someone… You think you can really trust someone… Sometimes they just prove you all wrong, eh?”

Jun just looked at him steadily, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

Nagase gave a hearty chuckle and then turned deadly serious too. “If I find out he had anything to do with my missing drugs… he’d wished he never had a taste.”

“And you think I’d let you get away with that?”

Nagase gave a smirk.

“Let’s go.” He got to his feet and strode over to the door.

Jin followed suit, but not before giving Mao one last look. Though Mao wasn’t focused on him anymore, the things she heard about Aiba… She looked shocked. Never would she have imagined…

“Where’s Aiba?” Jun said to Ohno.

“Still can’t reach him.” Ohno had already called him up as soon as Nagase and his men had filed out. “Jun, you think-“

“I don’t know what to think. How come we never heard about this?” He was looking troubled. He didn’t want to believe any of that. But Aiba’s actions lately… They were making it hard for him to ignore.

“He may have slipped up just recently,” Ohno said, still trying to contact Aiba. Leading a secret life is no easy matter. He tried again.

“Aiba wouldn’t do this, right?” Mao suddenly said, looking a bit sick. He wouldn’t do this to himself. He wouldn’t do this to Yui… Ruining his life like this... No matter if things get to be too much… He had Jun… He had Ohno… She wished they could find him soon… Concern washed over her… Thinking back to the last time she’s seen him…

He’s gotten thin…

Jun took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. Mao looked to him. He gave a small smile. “We’ll find him. And then we’ll talk. We can’t jump to conclusions just yet.”

“I’ll get some men out to look.” Ohno headed for the doors, signalling to Pi and the other two.

Pi had dragged his gaze away from Mao and moved. Jun followed his back for a while. Ohno had waited for all three to file out before giving a nod to Jun and closing the door.

He then turned to Mao. Her brow still furrowed. Worried. He knows she wanted to see Aiba soon and find out for herself. She’ll probably be the hardest on him…

“Tell me when you’re able to reach him,” Mao requested, unable to hide her concern. She didn’t try to pretend anymore. This is seriously messed up. Aiba can’t throw away his life like that…

“Of course.”

Jun’s fingers clasped over hers, feeling for the first time in a long while that everything was back to the way they were…

He held on tighter…

**

“Wow,” Jin greeted as he stood leaning against the door frame to his room.

He looked at the guards that had been following him day in and day out; they were stirring from their position on the couch. It was down to just three now. Which was just the perfect number. His good behaviour lately must be paying off. He gave a grin as they stretched and rubbed their faces.

“Aren’t you guys tired of this? Honestly, I’m sick of looking at you guys,” he quipped, giving a winsome smile to cushion that comment.

One of them grunted while the other two remained silent.

“You know what, I’ve got a proposal for you.”

They looked at each other, as if reminding themselves not to be had by him.

“I know I don’t want you three following me everywhere. You guys are cramping my style,” Jin shook his head. “And you probably are thinking of ways to kill me and then secretly dispose of my body, right? Although just in your imagination.”

They shared another look. Jin gave them a reassuring smile that he wasn’t offended.

“So, here’s an offer you can’t refuse.”

**

Money makes the world go round.

No kidding.

Jin walked back towards his bed as he stretched. Contemplating what to do with his newfound freedom. At least for a few hours at a time. They can finally get some rest while he…

He gave a slow grin.

He dropped down on the bed and snatched up his phone. He pushed a few buttons. His face lit up as he found what he was looking for. He looked at the photo he took.

His lips curled into a smile, looking really pleased.

“I did say I’ll find out your name…”

He slid a finger down the side of her face and then brought it to his lower lip.

“Inoue Mao…”